Parents in law on holiday

[Anxiousmuch]

Every year myself and OH take our young children camping in Cornwall
It's our one holiday and we hope to spend the week on the beach (or in rain at soft play)
Today I've found out his parents have asked him what dates we are there because they want to find somewhere close by and be with us
I want to cry. This is my break and with them around I won't be able to relax. They'll also have completely different expectations of what we'll do and aren't agile enough to go on the beach
Am I unreasonable to expect my partner to say something to them? I'd be happy to do a weekend away with them another time

Thank you for all your replies and advice
I have read them all

To clarify ...I don't dislike my in laws but I do resent them inviting themselves..

Firstly because MIL is both frail and needs easy access to a toilet which just isn't practical on this particular trip. I know them well enough to know they'll expect us to go with them around towns and sit and eat afternoon teas which is not my idea of fun and my children's idea of absolute boredom

Secondly they'd never ever babysit for those that think I'd get childcare out of this situation 😂

I've firmly told my partner he needs to make it clear we don't think this holiday will be enjoyable for them but we'd like to get a weekend in the cotswolds booked up but being of the boomer generation I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway

We will try!

Thanks again

No is a full sentence.

I don’t see the issue tbh. Your in laws can babysit and you and your husband can go out for a lovely child free dinner and drinks - winner!

Well played OP.

I’d make sure MIL understands that toilet facilities will be primitive at all the place you’ll be going. This might be a deal breaker for her.

Oh @Anxiousmuch . I totally understood your POV and was on your side. Then you had to snipe at "the boomer generation". Why do people do this?

Ok - then you need to have a plan ready to put into action if they do decide to tag along on your holiday @Anxiousmuch. Find attractions that you and your kids will love to do and book them. Have activities planned for every day of the break. If they ask can they go to X tea room today or to see Y National Trust home, just say, you're free to do that but we'll be doing A or B today.
Don't negotiate, they decided to tag along on you and your kids holiday, not the other way around.
Then just go and have the holiday you planned.

If they turn up anyway spend the week how you planned, enforce your boundaries, otherwise they'll be at it again next year. You can be polite about it and say you'd love to spend some other holiday time with them, but spend the holiday doing what you and your DC want. Don't compromise yourself and disregard your needs for people who don't give you any consideration.

@Anxiousmuch does your dh not know when to tell a white lie??? "I am not sure" would have been enough! or could he not just have said that you want to go as a family??

@Ostagazuzulum
No suggestions but am in same situation. In laws have insisted that we go on holiday with them this year
They can insist all they like, just say no thanks, that doesnt work for me!

@Arewealljustloosingtheplot
No is a full sentence Yes, this ^^
Can't you contact mil and say that them coming with you does not work for you?

but being of the boomer generation I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway

Just for that I bloody hope they do

Oh OP. Having read your update on the cream teas and " I fully expect them to ignore him and come anyway"
Please don't let them do this. A weekend away that suits everyone is a good offer, but ignoring DH and coming anyway and dictating the week is awful.

Please think about telling them yourself kindly but firmly. I've been in this position and its the advice I would give my previous self.

They can come anyway but you don’t have to do what they say. You tell them now what you’ll be doing in your holiday with your kids and if they complain you just have to look confused and say - “but we told you this is what we would be doing. This is our holiday with our children and we want them to have a nice time. They will not enjoy [insert dull activity]. That is why we suggested a separate weekend away with you.” And you and your DH have to stick to it.

You guys ever watched "Everybody loves Raymond?" It's a hard "No" if they're quite nice be gentle, if not just be honest! Tbh i would rather fall out with them than have them ruin my holiday!

OP is it too late to change location?

Agree with you 100%. I love my DGC and often look after them, but the thought of going on holiday with them and their parents gives me the fear. I think some people on here are flattering themselves.

I know me too. I hate people banging on about “boomers” - it’s ageist nonsense @Anxiousmuch

I know right! Like everyone just assumes that their parents/parents in law are just absolutely GAGGING to go on holiday with them and their kids as if they most amazing, fantastic company and travel companions the world has ever known. I have no idea why considering you see soooooo many posts on here banging on about shit holidays with kids are!!

This. I lost all sympathy after this snide remark.

Text his mum, and say how much the kids are looking forward to making sandcastles and paddling with granny and grandad, every single day of the holidays

Had a bit of sympathy for you until you posted this , I just hope your kids feel the same about you when your the same age as your PIL.
Nasty ageist comment 😠
NannyOgg😁

Having read your reply I'd be saying to the in-laws this is the only holiday we get as a family and we want to spend it doing things the kids want to like the beach, soft play etc. I don't think you would enjoy doing those things and we're unwilling to change our plans for a holiday which would suit you but ultimately the children would hate. The only option you have here is to be honest. Also I think it should be your husband who has this conversation with them.

Well this ‘boomer’ has just lost all sympathy!

You don't see the issue with someone turning up on your holiday, having invited themselves and changing the whole feel of the holiday. Lol.

And OP has said they won't babysit anyway so what are you talking about?

When we go on holiday with our kids, we want to spend time with them and each other, not family who have invited themselves.

Oh my! That is another post in itself! I totally feel for you! That is a trainwreck! I advise you to grow a backbone, a though skin and give as good as you get! Body shame? "You are not that young yourself dear! And that shows!" Walk away! Bar orders request: IGNORE! IGNORE! Mumbble! Oh ya! Stay still, read a book. Sunddenly, find that one of children needs your imediate attention. My sympathies!