Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

[LoopyDays]

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

You need to change your mindset about what co-parenting means. You are expecting him to do "partner" things when he is now just an ex.

Make sure he is financially paying his way and agree visitation. All these blurred lines are confusing you what he his, making you expect more, and leaving you disappointed.

If you get "on" together again stop having babies with him when you know he is a loser as a partner.

Hope your section goes on time and well.

Ah People , this lady is just about to have a baby and knows she is not in the best situation with her partner. Go easy

Please register the baby with your surname.
Put in a CMS application.
Get the hell out of that situation. I can't call it a relationship.

I am speechless about this. You and your baby deserve so so much better.

Wow, that's disgusting of him. Really thoughtless and scummy. Genuinely think you need to be preparing yourself and putting money aside to do things on your own - I'd bet on him doing bare minimum if that when the baby finally arrives. My ex was a real scumbag sometimes and even he wouldn't have left me to do all that on my own.

After your updates, he's not your partner, he's your ex and he sounds like a loser, stop expecting anything there

Would the bus driver even agree to let you on the bus when you're that far on? Just baffled he thought that was an OK plan even for a planned C-section.

If you read, you'll see this lady has just HAD a baby, and the guy in question is NOT her partner.

Whilst I agree the partner should have been there for OP.
Im baffled you think a bus driver would refuse access to a pregnant lady !

Please don't waste a second more of your precious time with htis "person"

What the actual f........ No you're not unreasonable that's awful!!!!!

Obviously you are asking for the bare minimum here, but honestly I think YABU to have had two babies to this useless man. I feel for your children.

Leave him. You'll be raising the kid on your own anyway.

You’re being unreasonable to stay with this man, that’s all I’ll say.
Good luck with the new arrival though. When the baby comes you need support, not someone who wants to be off with his mates.

I don't understand why he couldn't take or didn't want to take the day off work if you're having his baby!? Take you to hosp and stay by your side!?!?! Am I missing something?
I wouldn't stand for it if I were you, I'm so sorry you are in this situation at such a vulnerable life changing time.

Some people have a very strange definition of 'partner'

He’s not your partner? He’s your Ex.

Perhaps it needs to be said that your father was not a “bad husband but good father” as you have described him. He was a terrible husband and so taught his children that partners can’t be counted in, that women must always make excuses snd puck up the slack for their lousy husbands, and that any sacrifice of time/pain/self worth/future earnings can be endured as long as child is born and man can do his thing.

You chose a horrendous man for your first child’s father, thenagain for your second child’s father (same guy so you knew how shitty he was) and now you are goong to keep him around for coparenting and financial suppirt? You think you are winning, somehow, on behalf of your children but you are setting them up for a lifetime of oain as they seek love and support from a tixic loser of a father and as they come to believe this id normsl and unavoidable. Your sons will imitate him and your daughters will imitate you. So a cycle of self abuse and submission by women and careless, sometime fathering by men will continue.

Do you live together?
I am.notcsure why you refer to him.as partner when you say you split up.

I think it is shitty he didn't take you to hospital. Sounds like it's a very unhealthy relationship and not fully got into positive respectful co-parenting mode yet. Hope it does soon for everyone's sake.

This is Mn. People appear quite often to use the term 'friend' to mean 'someone I know who continually mistreats me'.

His behaviour is awful and inconsiderate - it's his child and he should be stepping up.

But I think it's a bit misleading to describe him as your partner, because it's clear from your latter posts that you're no longer together and you split up during the pregnancy.

That doesn't mean he shouldn't supporting you on a practical level through your C-section - of course he should, because it's his child you're having. Clearly he should have driven you to the bloody hospital. But given that you're separated, obviously there isn't going to be the same emotional connection, handholding etc that you might expect to see from someone you were still in a relationship with.

I'm not making excuses for your ex (particularly as a close family member of mine was desperate to be there for the birth of his youngest child, and his former partner refused point blank to allow him to be present, which was absolutely devastating for him). Obviously he should be playing a useful role here. But I think perhaps the fact that you've split up means that there isn't going to be the same emotional warmth and affection and connection that there would be if you were still together.

He sounds like a massive arsehole, though, obviously. You've definitely done the right thing in ditching him.

And you decided to have his baby because?

He's not a partner then. Expect nothing from him and you won't be disappointed. Best of luck

He either sounds like a total selfish git or unless he is ND and unable to cope?

Everyone deserves better than this.

Oh FFS, why must he be "ND and unable to cope"??

Do you know what being neurodivergent is and means?

He's not interested in your wellbeing, how on earth is he your partner?

You're going to need some help after the section, I assume he's not going to step up for that either.

Is there anywhere you can go/ family who can help? No, you won't manage somehow, you'll be recovering from abdominal surgery as well as handlng a newborn. Make the arrangements now and see who you need to see before the birth.