Partner didn't drive me to my C-section appointment

[LoopyDays]

He decided he would go to work on the day of my C-section, and decided it would be okay for me to get on 2 buses to go to the hospital with my heavy suitcase, even though I'm walking gingerly at 39 weeks pregnant. He said he'd meet me there once the action starts, (but not a second before, what with the epidural injection, the prep and checks, he doesnt want to see all that) so no emotional support, nor help, not even help with packing from the day/night before. Instead he was hanging out with friends last night til 12midnight.
I decided last minute to get an Uber, £17 to the hospital, and I've taken a screenshot of the fare so he can pay it. I don't see why he couldn't give me a lift instead, and then come back with public transport himself. Am I being unreasonable?

He's gradually gotten worse with his behaviour towards me, lack of reliability, and he put it down to past trauma and mental health. So much of our relationship has been me trying to show him a more positive outlook, that it is possible to start again and live a happy in life.

Re. women in my family, my mum had the same kind of relationship with my dad. My mum wasn't too suprised about me wanting to get the bus and him being at work on the day of our child's expected arrival. She tells me stories about having to get the bus whilst in labour because my dad was at work (which is fair enough because that's spontaneous), but isn't the same as knowing your child is coming on the 3rd, and still going into work on the 3rd! Lol.
She can see no wrong in my partner. She reckons I have it better than her. But I always tell her I definitely don't see things the same way and that I expect better from him.
We are trying to co-parent. He is making an effort, will see how long that lasts.

And you were back down't pit the next day.

If this is him making an effort, what does him not making an effort look like?

Why do you want them to know their dad? There's nothing worth knowing.

I'm glad you said you've split @LoopyDays

I think I'd have lined up a good friend (or my mum) as birth partner rather than putting up with him!

Hope everything goes well

It's such a shame that your mum is comparing your relationship to hers. Thus isn't crappy partner top trumps it's a daughter struggling and a.mither jusy saying 'well in my day'
I hope your mother is more supportive in other ways.

She can see no wrong in my partner. She reckons I have it better than her.

Ah, so it is a race to the bottom with your mother. Competitive bar-lowering.

She is a terrible person, please carry on setting your bar higher than she obviously has and teach your children that they deserve so much more.

I need to wake up, don't I? I think my mum trained me this way, given her stories of birthing 6 kids and dad only making it to 1 of those births! She told me it's ok for my partner to meet me once Im at the hospital because they take ages to start the c-section procedure, and it's good not to waste his money on congestion charge and parking, given how long the hospital take to get things started... so yeh, both mum and partner dont think much wrong of anything that happened this morning, although mum did offer to drive me in herself, probably as I was complaining.
We are co-parenting for now, only communicating about our child and baby, let's see how the future goes.

This is heart breaking - I have experienced similar and it is a lonely and tough business being in an emotionally cold relationship with a newborn.
you may need to wait until you are healed but I’d be planning my exit strategy if I were you. Good luck

This

I wonder what his co workers think if he told them his plan to not take you to hospital on the morning of your CS

I somehow think he will be marked down in everyone’s eyes if they knew.

It isn’t this great work ethic to do what he did

Yes, I have my mum whose at home looking after my toddler. Sister-inlaws, brothers, and friends due to visit soon as we're home. I have a loving family, just the partner I chose obviously not so great with offering much support.

Your mother needs to realise that whilst she was happy to martyr herself and put up with such behaviour. You are not her and expect a basic standard of commitment and support and if someone can’t give you that then you unlike her will move on to get what should be the bare minimum

Why do you keep calling him your partner when you've also stated you separated during pregnancy?

He's not your partner. He doesn't owe you anything (other than child support).

He sounds like a complete and utter dickhead, but why are you being deliberately misleading?

I'm only sharing this so you can have some perspective. In March 2020, when lockdown was announced, I had to be in labour by myself for 12 hours as no visitors were allowed on wards.
My partner sat in the car for the entirety, only leaving for food twice even though I insisted that he went home. My man HATES anything medical, and nearly passed out when I was giving birth to our first son. We joke about the fact that the midwives were offering him water as DS was crowning, you couldn't make it up.
Regardless, he persevered came into the delivery room and held my hand as I arched my back in pain and sobbed. My own father was pretending to be offshore when I was born, and turned up drunk hours later.
It's the same reason why people view deceased loved ones and pay their respects- it's fucking difficult, but you get on with it.
Moral of the story- people who care would climb mountains to be there for you when it counts.

I am not sure whether I am more appalled by your mother or your partner. Often on mumsnet there are descriptions of awful husbands. I don't think many of those men awful though they are would be okay with telling their 39 week pregnant partner to take two buses carrying her own bag to get to the hospital for a c-section and that he'll turn up some time later. I am aghast at your mother whose standards must be subterranean to think this is acceptable.

You do realise though don't you that you've had children with a man who sounds very like your dad. Don't listen to a word that your mother says about the standard of behaviour to be expected from a partner either. It's hard to believe that your dad was actually worse than your current partner.

Good luck for the future with the baby.

Definitely this. I hope all is well!

Ughh my boyfriend did something similar. He wasn’t my boyfriend my the time I left hospital with my lovely baby girl.
We’ve had the best life without him ☺️

All if this OP. Park your issues with DP right now. There will be time for that later. Today ( and the coming days) are some of the most significant you will have and don’t let the negativity intrude.

She can see no wrong in my partner. She reckons I have it better than her.

I have heard this so many times.

I wonder if they were taught by their mothers to accept any shitty behaviour because it was better than being divorced/a single mother.

I remember my mum being in hospital due to my dad almost killing her and her mum coming to the hospital begging for her to take him back.
My grandma even let him live at her house and refused to see my mum or us kids until she took him back.

I would never be like that towards my own DD.

He's not your partner OP. I know that's new, and today is an emotional day to say the least, but he's not your partner. When you wrap your head around that you might find things easier.

This...

That is insane. I hope you are well clear of her.

100%.

Not being funny, but from today start calling him The Baby's Dad, or, if he raises his game, your Co-parent.

Partner is a title that is created by someone's actions. It's not a legal term. It's not the equivalent of 'husband' if you are a pair of unmarried parents UNLESS you are actual life partners (or, heck, even just partners for this stage of your life!)

He isn't even your boyfriend and he's not being a partner or a friend.

He can choose by his actions what role he takes in your baby's life.

All the best with the birth

Why are you having a second baby with him when you’re in just a co-parenting situation with zero relationship after the first baby?