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Original poster

To think it's cruel to take a 9 month old baby abroad

222 replies

Cherryblossom90 · 03/07/2024 10:16

Recently been on three week holiday abroad with DH and 9 month old baby to see our extended family.

Baby was fine in terms of sleep, eating etc but due to hot weather abroad she was stuck in doors with me/DH/other family member for most of the day. She seemed just gentally miserable not her Usual self at all (more quiet and clingy, mainly) she's been back to usual self since being back. I really regret going actually even though the adults had a nice time I feel it was a bit selfish and I feel we shouldn't have gone.

Just curious how others justify taking a baby abroad on a long plane journey, to a hot country when it's so unpleasant for the baby?

Am I being unreasonable to think it's cruel to take a baby abroad?

OP posts:
longdistanceclaraclara · 03/07/2024 10:33

Eh? I had my kids in the ME, was that cruel? Babies live in hot countries.

Simonjt · 03/07/2024 10:34

HeadNorth · 03/07/2024 10:20

I think cruel is a strong word, but it certainly isn’t for the baby’s benefit. Yes, babies live in hot countries, but if you are a pale skinned Celt used to chilly Scottish summers going to the Med is going to be a struggle.

Lots of pale skinned Celts in Australia!

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 03/07/2024 10:35

Why the hell is is cruel?! I took mine to the US on a 3 week road trip at 9 months old and she was a dream, 7 now and loves travelling. Never had a bad holiday with her.

Stripeysocks1981 · 03/07/2024 10:36

You’re being absolutely ridiculous and precious.
Of course it’s not cruel. I took my little girl when she was 8 months old and it was lovely. she enjoyed splashing in a pool outdoors with us. Little tastes of different foods. Being outdoors so much. She breastfeed to sleep and slept on me or next to me on a breezy balcony unyil we went to bed. I know she won’t remember it but it’s some of my loveliest memories of our first little holiday together.

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 03/07/2024 10:36

She might have been a bit out of sorts but she has absolutely no memory of it!

I brought my 6mth old to my brother's wedding in Florida. We kept him in the shade obviously, and kept him hydrated but other than being bit uncomfortable and sticky, like the rest of us, he was fine. 18 years later his only feelings about the trip is mild disappointment that he doesn't remember being there!

WTAFisthisnonsense · 03/07/2024 10:37

50 years ago my parents took me abroad to Italy when I was 6 weeks old. It was fine then and is fine now. Apparently I had a great time and was the centre of attention everywhere I went.

CharlotteRumpling · 03/07/2024 10:37

Peak MN anxiety. I was taking my babies abroad to see family in hot countries from the time they were 6 months. The alternative is for family not to see them.
Luckily we are not pale skinned Celts.

protectoroftherealm · 03/07/2024 10:39

My baby loved being on holiday. Took him loads from being 3 months old. Adapted perfectly to the warmth, different schedules and was loving life. I'm sorry you've not had a great experience but may of us do.

mondaytosunday · 03/07/2024 10:39

I took mine abroad around two months. It was fine. Seemed to tolerate hot weather better than me!
Not all countries are hot, and if it was that inhospitable you should have taken that into consideration. Only time one of my kids was a bit grumpy was when we were in Sydney with 40 degree weather. But a week earlier in Cairns with pools it was fine. It wasn't so bad we kept inside though- that would have been a complete waste! We were out and about just avoided being in the sun at peak hours.

Bunnycat101 · 03/07/2024 10:40

There are lots of things we do that are 100% child centred and lots of things that are adult centred and parenting is about finding the right compromise between the two.

Holidays probably aren’t brilliant from a baby’s perspective but if they help the adult with their wellbeing then it’s a compromise and one that is rational and not cruel. there are plenty of things I had to do as a parent that were rubbish for me like night waking.

I have to say though, the holiday I had with an 11m old was shit so it didn’t help me relax at all so wouldn’t have taken my second away at that age (although tbh couldn’t because of Covid) so probably wouldn’t recommend a holiday with a baby but some people have a wonderful time. Now by the age of about 21/2 both of my kids loved holidays so it’s really a very small period of time when it’s tough.

Starlight1979 · 03/07/2024 10:40

I really regret going actually even though the adults had a nice time I feel it was a bit selfish and I feel we shouldn't have gone.

Why? What activities would your 9 month old have been doing had you not been "abroad"? Going to the gym? Going for a coffee? Going for a bottomless brunch?

You're being ridiculous. Nobody takes a baby on holiday for the babies benefit. You go for the adults and baby comes along. It's not cruel, it's not unpleasant and it's not unreasonable.

But if you want to stay home next time with DC then by all means do. But there is no age when it is perfect so you might be staying home for many years to come...

MightWusk · 03/07/2024 10:41

You do know babies live abroad don't you?

TinyYellow · 03/07/2024 10:42

Not all babies or children struggle in the heat and they often enjoy lots of water and sand play that they wouldn’t do at home. It’s not at all cruel or selfish to take a baby on holiday, but if you have discovered that yours doesn’t like heat, you can choose a different time of year or destination instead.

Bells3032 · 03/07/2024 10:43

No. We have generally stuck to cooler holidays as it's what my husband and I prefer (we are not heat people) but did take her to the south of France last summer at one year old for a family wedding. No aircon and a heatwave. My husband and i were miserable but DD had a blast being made a fuss off by the family. running around the house despite the heat. we sat outside and picniced under the tree, took her to the local super super market to run around and pick some treats in the air conditioning and out for some lovely meals and had lots and lots of cooling baths.

What were you doing with baby that they were so miserable. at that age they're pretty easy to entertain with some toys and puzzles and attention. You could of gone for some walks in the early evening when it was a bit cooler. Did you just sit around in the house doing nothing all week?

TinyTeachr · 03/07/2024 10:44

Depends on the baby and the trip. Obviously.

My youngest is 7 months. Very happy to be entertained without motion, doesn't mind the heat and is flexible on routine. I reckon we could take her anywhere. If she's fed and has cuddles she's happy. One of her brothers.... No chance. He has bad skin and is still miserable in hot weather. Hes always been very inflexible on routine and this is still an issue now her nearly 4. We've never taken him abroad as he would be miserable and would spread it around!!!

OP, if your child was unhappy, then I'm sorry. In future, perhaps you'll be able to tweak trips to suit his needs better as he'll be older and more predictable. I guess if that's not possible then you can delay trips into he's older.

SeulementUneFois · 03/07/2024 10:49

Babies are born and live abroad in hot countries you know.
Yes even poorer ones where people do what they can but definitely don't have Aircon right left and centre.
Yes and some of them are even pale skinned (though not Celts) - Russians in Moscow for example. (Not that pale skinnededness or otherwise should make a difference just that it was brought up earlier in the thread.)

KreedKafer · 03/07/2024 10:49

‘Cruel’? Give over. It’s a baby that spent some time in a different house. That’s all. Your baby doesn’t give a shit what country she’s in. If you kept her indoors and bored during your trip, that’s nothing to do with being ‘abroad’.

As for the heat, firstly, ‘abroad’ doesn’t automatically mean ‘hot’. Secondly, millions of babies that live in hot countries seem to manage OK. As do babies in Northern Europe when there’s a hot summer. You’re being absurd.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 03/07/2024 10:53

Tell me this is your PFB without telling me it's your PFB

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 10:54

I took my 8 month old on a hot holiday a few years ago and he loved it! She could have been unsettled for a great many reasons and it doesn't mean you should never do anything outside of her routine on case she doesn't like it.

KreedKafer · 03/07/2024 10:54

HeadNorth · 03/07/2024 10:20

I think cruel is a strong word, but it certainly isn’t for the baby’s benefit. Yes, babies live in hot countries, but if you are a pale skinned Celt used to chilly Scottish summers going to the Med is going to be a struggle.

A baby isn’t used to anything. It’s not even a year old.

Also, loads of countries where people are typically fair-skinned have boiling hot summers. The hottest I’ve ever been on holiday was in Russia.

Also, America and Australia are full of people with Celtic, Northern European and Scandinavian heritage. They don’t melt like a Freddo when the sun comes out, you know.

cavalier · 03/07/2024 10:57

It’s hard work for the parents but baby will be fine I’m sure

DoIWantTo · 03/07/2024 10:58

Oh yes, so absolutely unreasonable and negligent of all those mothers having babies in hot countries. They absolutely should have moved to cooler climates before even considering baby making.

Am805463 · 03/07/2024 10:59

Of course it’s not cruel. Why was she stuck inside all holiday? All four of mine went abroad multiple times as babies, they had a fabulous time in the pool, on the beach etc - I’m so glad we got to experience it with them, suncream and shade and they were fine.

HappierTimesAhead · 03/07/2024 11:00

FWIW, I thought this was going to be a thread about the dad taking your 9 month old abroad for 3 weeks without you - which I would think was a bit cruel if you were against it.