ExDH new GF posting photos of children

[Pixie378]

AIBU to ask my ex to ask his GF to removed the photos of our children from Facebook?.
Her profile is public and I do not know her or anyone she knows.
I have not given permission for the photos to be put on her social media and feel that this is disrespectful.
I have asked nicely.

The ages of the children are an issue as well.

OP has said she posts photo of her children but only her family can see them, they are not public.

Contact Facebook community standards, tell them this person is not related to your children and is violating their privacy by posting their photos publicly and you want them taken down. Facebook may refuse but no harm in asking.

Hi
I think it’s more than reasonable. My partner has an open Facebook and I am a teacher, I didn’t like that he was posting family photos that students, colleagues, parents etc could see. He hadn’t even thought about it and just make his Facebook private.

thats bad form of her, I would ask your permission first out of courtesy. Thing is, I guess she could stop and he could being the father tag her in if they then decided to be petty, and that would be difficult to get out of. I guess maybe ask if she can make her profile private, that may help navigate choppy waters?
I am so sorry you’re in this position, it must be a minefield.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want this, unless she’s prepared to make them restricted. But even then you don’t know who is on her list. Is she a permanent fixture?

Are you serious? They are her children and she might have a view about vacuous and meaningless ‘posts’ about her children

Yes , but they are also HIS children and in a divorce you do not get to call all the shots. Even if you want to.

It’s not unreasonable to not want your children on an open social media page. It’s different if it’s just friends and family. If she sets her setting to closed the problem is solved it doesn’t need to be a big argument.

Yes , but they are also HIS children and in a divorce you do not get to call all the shots. Even if you want to.

Nor does HE. Even if he wants to.
It’s beyond stupid to post photos of children on an open page. Anybody could copy them for whatever purpose.

Ask someome you trust to report the photos saying she’s posting pics of kids without parental permission. Facebook won’t investigate they’ll just remove.

I remember when mine was small cheerfully telling me I need their consent to post pictures due to UNICEFs Rights of the Child. And they didn't give it.

I know people grumble about kids giving consent but if your kids don't give their consent for the photos to be on Social Media then you have a valid argument to have them removed and can argue it with FB.

Totally unacceptable for her to be posting photos of children she is not related to on an open Facebook page. Safeguarding issue? Report to FB?
Not quite sure where you legally stand and if ex is deliberately allowing it to get back at you......

Just to clear something up- informed consent means that those who are having their photos put online understand the implications of this ie having a digital footprint, biometrics, the fact that it is there forever / their image is property of Meta etc . Also, don’t get me started on some of the hideous dark places images of children can end up.

Informed consent doesn’t mean handing out forms.

When I am about to take a picture of a friend , or anyone for that matter, I ask if it is ok. This is also considered common decency. If I am going to post it online, I also ask for their consent. More often than not nowadays, people ask to not post it online.

Children do not understand what the implications of their images being online are, and therefore cannot possibly give informed consent.

as a teacher of young adults 18-20 , I hear so often how they feel that everything they have ever done- every achievement , every milestone (which can often be embarrassing) are documented on the internet and there’s no way they can take it down. Some of them worry that they’ll never get a job. Some of them are concerned that future partners may be put off. Just because we are in charge of kids and look after them when we are small, doesn’t mean we own them.

"When I am about to take a picture of a friend , or anyone for that matter, I ask if it is ok. This is also considered common decency. If I am going to post it online, I also ask for their consent. More often than not nowadays, people ask to not post it online."

That's nice. I just take the photo. Obviously, I don't take them secretly and everybody knows they're being photographed and that the photo could end up online.

I don't think anyone should be posting pictures of children online on a public profile site. People can search for pictures of children online and manipulate the images in horrible ways

Yambu there's loads of fucking weirdos out there- imo no children should be put online at all. She's out of order.

I teach young adults whose whole lives have been posted on social media by their parents. A large proportion of them really resent that their parents made that choice for them. Many of them have so many anxieties over having photos taken on trips / in class because over the years their parents have posted ‘cute or funny’ photos of them on their social media profiles. It’s really awful.

a digital footprint or online presence is not necessary for children, therefore it should be up to them when they are old enough to understand what that means. It’s not that hard to just not post photos of your kid online. If someone wants to see your kid, invite them over, post them by mail, send them in a private messaging service. Don’t put it out there for the world to see

I don’t think most people would assume the pictures would go online.

maybe it’s just me and the people I surround myself with, but we take photos for memories , not for social media likes, but you do you boo.

The OP confirmed the photos are tagged with her Ex so that’s why the mutual friends are seeing them not because they’re public domain. It could well be they are private for friends only and he’s approved the tag so his friends see the photos. Unless the OP speaks to the girlfriend there isn’t a lot she can do.
also with regards photos for groups etc it does only require one parent/guardian to approve and also in some cases such as FA youth football matches there is no facility to refuse the other team taking photos/video, you can ask they don’t share them you can’t stop them doing so. I know this as volunteer for a football club and dealt with FA directly on exactly this issue.

We minimally post our children, do not post their names, school uniform, anything where they are in swimwear etc, never post locations. Our setting are maximum privacy so you can’t actually find me to request me on Facebook, I have to be the one to request you. It absolutely blows my mind how much people overshare about their children on SM.

ask her and then set out clear rules/expectations for what you consider appropriate in regards to YOUR kids

That's a school thing

All my friends know I'm on FB.

And mine too.

it does not say to them ‘I’m going to post every photo I take’

Excellent post, points all well made. There is much naiivety surrounding this issue, imo, or maybe parents just don't follow the news in any depth. I have to for my job, related to law and teaching young adults too, mum to 2, stepmum to 3, all live with us, all under 11!