ExDH new GF posting photos of children

[Pixie378]

AIBU to ask my ex to ask his GF to removed the photos of our children from Facebook?.
Her profile is public and I do not know her or anyone she knows.
I have not given permission for the photos to be put on her social media and feel that this is disrespectful.
I have asked nicely.

Which is the law that says this?

I love how some think I am demanding or dictating to my ex about these photos but I have been nothing but calm and polite to him.

More than he deserves from the verbal abuse I used to get from him when he lived with us.

This was the first time new GF met them and also behind my back as he had told me she had gone away but clearly another lie.

I appreciate he can have a say but seeing as we have not really been able to sit down and discuss anything as he can't cope with real life well and always runs away from proper responsibility I guess I have to let him expose our children to all sorts

I do hate it when people refer to “the rules” and “the law” like some prim head girl. The only important and salient fact here is that one of the parents is unhappy having pictures of their children on public internet forums.

The other parent, and step parent, are morally obliged to consider this view, even though it’s more conservative than theirs, and perhaps show some respect and err on the side of caution for that parent’s sake, and the children’s. Or at the least have a proper discussion about it.

Anything else is just poor co-parenting.

You only have rights where you have an expectation of privacy. If people are in a public park unfortunately there is no expectation of privacy.

We don't post any pictures of DC online, but that is a choice, it's something like 80% of parents do. For us it's nothing to do with AI / perverts etc, it was about what I wouldn't have wanted when I was a teenager, which was loads of embarrassing baby pictures etc being available 😂
I'm not saying it's wrong to post them, just a choice we decided on, and obviously we are in the minority so we're probably wrong.

I think it’s the same - no one owns a child’s image and think about how many holiday pics people take that you are probably in the background of. When my DH was doing his custody minute of agreement, social media posting was suggested by the solicitor as something they should come to an agreement on and they both felt the same way, but it was just a suggestion to avoid arguing later not a law.

@Pixie378 YANBU however, the law is not on your side. I personally don’t post any pictures of my dd online because I believe that all children should have the right to give informed consent. Until they are old enough to fully understand the internet and internet safety they are unable to give informed consent.

I can’t stop her dad from posting photos of her though and anyone else who he has given permission to. He knows my stance about children having the right to give informed consent, he doesn’t see the harm in posting photos of children.

Sometimes parents are just not on the same page whether they’re still together or split up. And one parent really can’t overrule the other or dictate what they can and can’t do.

she is constantly messaging me for validation of her relationship with him and reassurance

Like what messages for example?

I’ve never posted my DSD on anything - people that mostly know me online wouldn’t even know she exists . I am not her mother so it’s not my right to post pictures of her - shes a beauty and I just wouldn’t have wanted to put her at risk anyway - she’s an adult now

Really? But how would they know that the father has given permission?

Bloody social media. I've always been protective of putting my child online. He said all his friends Googled themselves at school and he was the only one who didn't have anything come up. He was really glad. He's 13.

I’m assuming if he hadn’t, he would ask for them to be taken down.

If she is seemingly dependent on your opinion, then unblock her and tell her about the picture problem. I'm sure dh would hate if the two of you got along and communicated directly. I get that you don't want to interact with the girl, but if her taking down the pics is truly important then play the part and use what power she is giving you. Otherwise ex dh will keep sticking it to you and your hands are tied.

Well the same way the mother indicates an issue. It is a nightmare with very out of date law not appreciating the current issues.

"The other parent, and step parent, are morally obliged to consider this view"

Morality is subjective.

I personally don’t think anyone should be posting any photos of people who cannot give informed consent.

imagine having a digital footprint before you’re able to understand what one is? all in the name of ego. It’s exploitative.

if you want to share photos of your kids with friends and family, share them privately, they don’t need to published online for the world to see …

There is a right to be forgotten on Google.

"I personally don’t think anyone should be posting any photos of people who cannot give informed consent."

This would basically mean never posting any photo. It's not practical to hand out forms to potentially tens on people whenever you want to take a photo.

I think it's a reasonable request is to ask that the photos she takes are made private and not public.

What I don’t get is just why would some woman want to post pictures of someone else’s children. Is it to make her feel her relationship is secure. Is it to try and give the idea that they are a happy family. I mean yeah some people post pictures of their own children but I don’t get why your exes girlfriend would even want to.

I would unblock her to ask her nicely. "I'm aware that ex doesn't mind, but it does bother me (I dont share pictures of the kids publicly for this reason)."
You can always block her again afterwards.

How old are your kids?
Are they old enough for you to discuss this with them?

This

Usually to stick it to the mum or virtue signal about what a great SP they are. I'm sure there are a few that do it out of genuine love and wanting to share their life(which includes dsc), but they're the minority. And they probably don't do it on a public page. That in itself smacks of "look at me!"

What about the children? Are they old enough to be able to express an opinion? Mine have always been absolutely adamant that they don’t want to be on any of my social media without consent.

My kids are 5yrs and 11. So no I don't think they are old enough.

Honestly I think there should be a blanket rule that no photos of kids are posted online without the kids informed consent. We have all done it, but I stopped a long time ago after a very eye opening talk about what happens to kids pictures on the internet. Not being unreasonable at all to tell her to stop. They are not her children, she doesn’t get a say. End of discussion.