ExDH new GF posting photos of children

[Pixie378]

AIBU to ask my ex to ask his GF to removed the photos of our children from Facebook?.
Her profile is public and I do not know her or anyone she knows.
I have not given permission for the photos to be put on her social media and feel that this is disrespectful.
I have asked nicely.

If the dad has said it’s ok then the argument is null and void. Whether people agree with that isn’t really relevant.

A girlfriend of a part time parent is not on any planet helping 'raise' a child, she has zero parental influence.

I had several of these women in my childhood through my father (they would last anywhere from 2-5 years) and absoloutly non of them where anything close to being like a 'parent'. They where factually just where he was temporarily parking his dick for a while, I had a REAL mother who raised me.

I don't dislike them either, they where mostly nice people (only one wasn't) who where always polite and friendly to me. I actually liked them better than him overall but at best they where like a random 'aunt' or 'friend of the family' not a parent.

Spending time with, looking after temporarily or feeding a kid does not make you a parent, if so all the dinner nannies at my kids school etc... are his parent which is such a ridiculous concept. A girlfriend also should not really be 'looking after' these kids, she might be their while their DAD is looking after them but she shouldn't be being left with them.

No there's an under 18 rule where you can't post pictures of kids without parental permission. This applies to photos in public too, and is why often on TV or in publications you sometimes see kids faces blurred out.

The caveat is you can post under 18s photos with parental permission, which is where the OP is a bit stuck. It doesn't need to be permission from both parents.

Personally though I think it's dreadful she's posting them without your permission OP

There’s not unless you can show it’s an invasion of privacy or harassment which is quite hard to prove. That’s why press have to blur out children’s photos where their parents are celebrities because it would be an invasion of privacy but they could take photos of eg a crowded beach featuring lots of kids but not need the consent of anyone to publish. There’s nothing illegal about posting a photo on your own social media, even a public profile, of someone else’s child. It’s not the same as plastering their faces on the front page of The Sun when their dad is the prime minister or something.

Depends on the situation. I share pics of my DSD from family hols etc but it’s not a new relationship and I’ve been in her life since she was 2 and married to her Dad since she was 5. I’m not giving the idea of a happy family, I have a happy family and she is part of that. However I have a private page, I post maybe a few times a year, and, crucially, her Mum and Stepdad also post intermittently and are fine with her Dad and I doing the same.

Unblock her to get her to take down the pictures then re-block.

I agree with this, you say she's reasonable so ask nicely, suggest she changes access to family and friends only if she doesn't want to delete then block her a little while later - do it straight away and you might lose her co-operation.

I think a combination of what others have suggested here. Unblock her, and comment under each photo of your kids:

"Ella and Isaac's Mum here. Please could you change your privacy settings to friends only, so that strangers on the Internet don't have open access to pictures of my children, or else just take them down. I would really appreciate it. It makes me uncomfortable and concerned that you are sharing photos of them that anyone could find on the Internet. [share link others have shared about that terrifying youtube video]."

Keep doing it on every photo. If she blocks you, make a new account and repeat, since these pictures are openly on her profile for anyone. Keep doing it. Be polite, direct, reasonable.

Really? I post pics of DSC with their permission as I do with my own child. I think it would be odd not to as they are there half the time and we do everything together. I think it would send a weird message if I only posted photos of my own child…like pretending they don’t exist. Their mum’s DP posts also.

the only reasonable thing to do is to ask is to take off public, but it sounds like it might be set to friends tagged rather than public

Commenting under photos as their mum telling her to take them down (without discussion even) is absolutely terrible advice

Well for example if we go on holdiday and get a family pic, should I ask DSC to get out of photo, or crop them out? Lots of blended families are secure and happy. I’m proud of my family…same reasons why anyone posts pics

You’re a stepmum though, don’t you know that on MN we are all insecure, overstepping, terrible people, who are terminally jealous and have been tricked into raising our husbands kids when actually we should ignore them as they are not our family and just “someone else’s children?” 🙈😂

Luckily I’ve never met anyone in real life like this and most blended families I know are also perfectly happy, including my adult friends who grew up in blended environments.

If the gf is only looking at being a parking space for the man then fair enough.
However if i found myself suddenly single any partner would have to be willing to step up for my kids or i would have no interest. Yes this gf wouldnt be mum and no she wouldnt be meeting the kids on the first date and be expected to look after them solo, but after a time she would be going on joint trips to the zoo, out to the park, holidays and if she did not try and interact with my children she would be out the door. I wouldnt miss her.

The very least she can do is make them private for safety reasons. That's rubbish about fbs default setting being public and having to change it each time. She needs to change her privacy settings. Nobody with a brain shares any photos publicly on their profile.

That's how it should be but on mumsnet there seems to be idea that a partner even when they actually marry and become the spouse should never have anything to do with care of the step kids. According to people on here it should always only be the children's 2 parents so step mum should never pick up, drop off,look after, take a picture of the step kids. Even when custody is 50/50 and the children live with dad and step mum for half the week step mum should have nothing to do with the day to day arrangements for the children.
Thankfully most people in real life seem to be much better adjusted adults than some of the loons on here so are able to successfully blend their families without all the drama.

If you say she is reasonable and would remove them if asked, then unblock her and ask her.

Stop making a drama out of it. You can re-block her after if you feel the need.

Yes she does need permission or parents wouldn't have to constantly sign photo permission forms for every school or club etc

I don't know about the UK, but FB US has a process to request photo removal of your child, 13 and under. This includes hospital patients or anyone with capabilities issues.
Facebook Help Center

There are online forms for reporting. I feel sure you can search from the help page.

If your child is 13 - 17, they have to request it, although you can assist them.

And of course, anyone can ask for their own photos to be removed.

You have every right to do this, even if he gave permission; he may not see the

harm. Child privacy laws mean the request to take photos down should take precedence over someone giving permission.

It is incredibly easy for someone to identify and locate someone from a FB photo. Things like school, club or team photos or t shirts are part of the problem.

They might consider posting photos taken from a distance, the back, or an angle that doesn't show facial features.

Sorry if this is alarms anyone, but taught computer education to elementary-aged students for 14 years. One (true) story I shared every year happened locally. A 13-year-old girl was targeted by a man claiming to be 14. She met him on a teen chat site, and he used photos she sent to identify her location. He arranged to meet her in secret at her house. I guess when she saw he'd catfish her, she changed her mind. Police had been monitoring his activities; he was struggling to pull her out of a second story window when they arrived

I retired in 2018, and I shudder at the thought of all that kids face today.

Bet the children haven't given any of them their permission to post pictures.
Nobody thinks of what they might want.

You're trying to control him, your kids and her. Your kids are not your possessions and he has obviously said it was okay.
Out of respect though I would, if the gf move many page to private

It asks you every time you post now, so if you have a public profile it’s not an oversight anymore

I agree. Also it’s slightly concerning that she doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t want this.

I think you’re coming at it from the wrong angle in terms of getting them removed. I think you’re going to struggle and actually it’s your children’s safety and privacy that you care for. I think you need her to realise that it’s better not to post them, but almost come to that conclusion herself,
I’d unblock her and send her a very friendly message. Considering she’s messaged you in the past this wouldn’t be weird imo.
Without accusation just simply educate her on the importance of online safety for children. Which includes ensuring that any photos posted are only visible to those known to you. I wouldn’t give her consent, I’d say your preference is don’t post any photo’s. Tbh there are plenty of articles that expose what some ‘wrong-em’s’ do with images of children on the internet to prove your point. I’d keep your note short, friendly & factual.

Side note, I honestly don’t know why anyone in this day & age would post their kids online at all. I couldn’t imagine showing up to a job interview and my potential boss has seen all my baby pictures.

YANBU. I ask all family to not post my children on SM. I would hate this OP, hope they can be amicable about this and remove them for you!