Don't Want To Bring Teens On Holiday

[Casacalida1]

Two DDs are 14 and 16 and I don't want to bring them. I fly out next week and return home the end of August. DH will fly out in August for three weeks. DH thinks I should leave them at home with him. Their behaviour is awful these days and they gang up on me and their younger brother. I just want to relax and not deal with the arguments. DH told them they would fly out with him which of course didn't go well. I really don't want to bring them but I know I will feel guilty leaving them at home and they will probably hate me even more than they do now.

Advice please.

Quite shocked at all the posters who think these two teens can't possibly stay with their dad for a few weeks whilst you and your son escape their attitudes for a short while.

Do they behave better for your DH? You've been at home for them all this time and I bet you've become their doormat, driver, maid etc. The person closest to a child often faces the brunt of their worst behaviour.

This won't harm them and will give you a chance to replenish yourself. Your son also deserves to be safe from their bullying.

@PontiacFirebird
You've described the average summer holiday, here on MN they must be entertained at the expense of everyone else's happiness until they're at least 25, parents are never allowed to put themselves first, god forbid they go without anything.

I voted YABU because you are not jumping at chance to have some teen free time.

Yes OP, stay at home, suffer and be miserable. Push yourself to the limit by dealing with their terrible behaviour. Ignore the offer of the other equal parent to give you a break. Start parenting your children immediately!

As if that's what I meant. What I meant is parent them so they are not ruining everything and be happy about taking them away. But crack on making your own story up.

Your dh has your back. You should get on board and have your own back too. They stay home with their dad, sounds like they will still get 3 weeks summer holiday away. That’s more than most get.

YANBU

My DD was, in her own words now as a lovely 27 year old, a total bitch at 15. I got to the point where I needed to escape for a bit and left her with her dad for a week while I went to Italy and had the Best Week Ever.

Actions have consequences and your daughters need to take a good look at their own behaviour and how it’s affecting you.

Another one adding to the chorus saying "go for it". If your DDs are squabbling so much it will be nice respite for your son too.

Yes OP, stay at home, suffer and be miserable. Push yourself to the limit by dealing with their terrible behaviour. Ignore the offer of the other equal parent to give you a break. Start parenting your children immediately!

🙄

These are not some random hooligans that have been dropped off with no warning, where you can simply opt-out of the crap. They're the op's children. Looking after and out for them along with the other parent is a basic, not an extra task the op deserves brownie points for fgs. And significant behaviour and attitude problems don't appear overnight, this would have been building for some time.

I agree with the pp, I can't imagine simply fucking off for a month from the 'problems' and essentially just dumping it all on dh.

IF my dc were exhibiting significant behaviour issues I would damn well make sure I remained present so that dh and I could deal with it together. That's not being a martyr, it's a fairly basic level of parenting and responsibility.

Great DH you have there, op. Go with your son and have a lovely time. Maybe your dds will rethink their behaviour

I know. I have threatened to actually move out once or twice in the past, never mind going on holiday without them!

I have threatened to actually move out once or twice in the past, never mind going on holiday without them!

Jesus. Now if these threats have even an ounce of seriousness to them in the way you put them across - that right there is how you get 'emotionally scarred' dc that will gradually gravitate away from you.

I can't get my head around why you'd do this to your kids at all, whether 6, 12 or 18. Horrendous.

Sad face. I remember when MN was irreverent and funny, and you didn’t have to label everything LIGHTHEARTED. Thems were the days.

Totally seriously though, at times two teens can make you feel like packing your bags and leaving them to it. NOT that I have actually done it!

To be honest that's a long time to drag teens away from their lives. I'm guessing you are visiting family as 7 weeks is a very unusual length holiday. I can imagine them not wanting to leave their friends/own space/routine for such a long time

‘I cant think of any scenario where I'd want to fuck off from my kids for a month because of their behavior.....surely the better solution is to parent them and deal with their behavior?’

Is that a joke??? Presumably you don’t have teens… she’s not leaving them to be raised by wolves! They’ll be with their father, doing sports, working, seeing friends… to then all be on hols together for 3 weeks…
at that age that would have been my ideal summer holiday.

Parents are entitled to set priorities for themselves independent of their status as parents. These are teens, not toddlers, and they sound like they are engaging in typical teen behaviour. Some time with OP away might just give them a chance to miss/appreciate her more and will give OP what sounds like a much-needed opportunity to decompress. That doesn't sound too egregious to me.

Yup, I've told them I'd be gone tomorrow if it weren't for the dog.
We have a lot of laughs in my household, I think they'll get through without scarring.

THIS

Bet my bottom dollar it’s their preferred solution. Both my teens have said they don’t want the family holiday to be longer than 2 weeks because they will miss their friends / jobs/ summer events here like festivals. They are lovely company but fair enough would rather have a pleasant 2 weeks with them than them being stroppy. They don’t want to go for the full time either so your solution is a good one.

It is true.

I said they are getting three weeks abroad. That is with their mother.

And the rest is with their dad.

Or is the only parent that counts the mother?!

Ridiculous!!

I have children that age and they don’t always holiday with us. The oldest stopped last year - stayed with his grandmother and loved it and my 14 year old has said he wants to stay next time . They have friends at home and enjoy it more and MIL loves it.

Exactly that.

its not ‘abandonment’ to leave them with their dad for a month ffs!

It's an excellent plan.

Go. And don't feel bloody guilty either.

@PosingPosture20
Jesus. Now if these threats have even an ounce of seriousness to them in the way you put them across - that right there is how you get 'emotionally scarred' dc that will gradually gravitate away from you.
deary me, have you never said a word in anger towards your darlings?
If you spend your life appeasing them and avoiding any harshness, they aren't going to be very resilient.
A parents job isn't to cosset them and martyr yourself at their feet.
You think it's fine for the dad to be without them for a few weeks but god forbid mum has some time to herself!