Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't Want To Bring Teens On Holiday

227 replies

Casacalida1 · 02/07/2024 08:25

Two DDs are 14 and 16 and I don't want to bring them. I fly out next week and return home the end of August. DH will fly out in August for three weeks. DH thinks I should leave them at home with him. Their behaviour is awful these days and they gang up on me and their younger brother. I just want to relax and not deal with the arguments. DH told them they would fly out with him which of course didn't go well. I really don't want to bring them but I know I will feel guilty leaving them at home and they will probably hate me even more than they do now.

Advice please.

OP posts:
VibeOnWithMyGalPals · 02/07/2024 08:47

If it was a week or even two, I’d probably do it myself or tell you to go for it, but a month is a very long time and might isolate them from you even more.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/07/2024 08:48

A month is the perfect amount of time for them to learn a lesson and for it to sink in.

MissUltraViolet · 02/07/2024 08:49

My DD is a pain in the arse and there's no chance I would go away for a month without her.

Each to their own I guess.

PontiacFirebird · 02/07/2024 08:51

Hell yeah. Go, don’t look back. Nothing to feel guilty about at all.
Teens can trash your head, you need a break.

Rachie1973 · 02/07/2024 08:52

At the moment I’d leave my 3 year old with a pack of kindly wolves for a break!

do what you need to do for your own MH. Boundaries won’t break them. I’d argue you ARE parenting them by teaching actions have consequences.

fluffiphlox · 02/07/2024 08:52

Can the 16 year old get a holiday job at home? Might do them so good.

MorrisZapp · 02/07/2024 08:53

Teen behaviour is ten times worse on holiday, with the added spice of sheer ingratitude for the money and hassle it took to provide the holiday. Don't take them anywhere expensive, you'll resent the waste of money as you get eye rolled for saying 'wow look at that amazing beach' and given a bollocking for sipping your drink in a manner deemed embarrassing.

Much better for them to wait until they can pay for their own travel, and be spared the indignity of suffering your presence on a parent funded trip.

MoreIcedLattePlease · 02/07/2024 08:56

You're a lucky lady, OP, to have a DH who is so on board and clearly competent! In fact, I suspect from this that you are both actually extremely good parents, despite the PPs insults.

Go with your younger one. Have a lovely break, and hopefully your DDs will get the wake up call they need. They're missing part of a holiday, not all of it, because they deserve to. DH has clearly 'got this' back home.

I hope you and DS have a cracking time.

OuijaBoard · 02/07/2024 08:57

I don't see why this is unreasonable at all - if I read it right, they'll still have a three week holiday by coming later with their dad and everyone going home together, rather than a six or seven week holiday by going with you and their brother and staying the full time? And they'll be home with their dad and well taken care of for the time you're away. Either way, they'll be with one and without one of their parents for 3-4 weeks, and that's also been the case in previous years.

However, if they're upset about not being able to go for the full time, this is a great opportunity to show them that bad and inconsiderate behaviour has consequences. Tell them that if they behave civilly on this year's holiday you'll consider taking them for the full time next year.

Shambles123 · 02/07/2024 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are your children small by any chance?

TeeBee · 02/07/2024 08:57

You can't pour from an empty cup. Take the time out to regather yourself so you're in a better position to tackle the issue when they arrive. Then you and DH can tackle it together. Your DH sounds great. Teenagers can be arseholes, irrespective of parenting.
Plus people are more than just their parenting role. Take the time, get yourself rested and stronger.

Haveyouanyjam · 02/07/2024 08:58

Agree. Especially as your DH has already told them this is what is happening, they will potentially lose respect for both of your boundaries if you give in and take them. A few weeks at home when they should be away should get them to have a good think and sounds like DH will work with them in that time to address why it happened and how to repair. Then focus on having as good a time with them as you can when they are out there and you are all together.

bananaphon · 02/07/2024 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Poor babies who will be their punch bag now?

Savemykitchen · 02/07/2024 09:00

Do it. You'll all benefit. Sound like you and your husband make a good team.

DGPP · 02/07/2024 09:01

Absolutely let them stay home with DH. He has told them they’re staying and so they should. Don’t go back now.
take your youngest and have a lovely time. You will see the teens again soon enough

fancystrawberries · 02/07/2024 09:04

In what way do they behave badly? Is it just to you or your dh also?

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 02/07/2024 09:04

Assuming your DH is their father, and he has a plan to manage their behaviour while you're away, YANBU. Have you considered family therapy?

VickyEadieofThigh · 02/07/2024 09:05

Absolutely do it. How will they ever learn that actions have consequences if there are no consequences that mean enough to them?

Greydays10 · 02/07/2024 09:06

Nothing will change if YOU don't change.
So do it.

If they are that badly behaved, your husband supports you, then you are doing it FOR them not TO them.

It sends such a bad message to teens that there are no consequences for shite behaviour.
It is children reared like this that fail in relationships as they become adults because they never learned that their awful actions have consequences.

Do it, but do it with conviction.
No apologies...show them you are doing it firmly and WILL do it AGAIN.

Hummingbird75 · 02/07/2024 09:07

You are away for the whole summer more or less, and your answer to their difficult behaviour is to not see them at all? I think this is the moment when you are supposed to start parenting them.

Its obviously much too long not to see them, and could make their behaviour even worse in the long term. It will feel like you are abandoning them. My dc are the same age, and I feel they need more support and parenting than ever. This is not about you, op, this is about them. It is very hard being a teenager in todays' world. You seem interested only in yourself and your own needs.

DracoDormiensNumquamTittilandum · 02/07/2024 09:08

Hummingbird75 · 02/07/2024 09:07

You are away for the whole summer more or less, and your answer to their difficult behaviour is to not see them at all? I think this is the moment when you are supposed to start parenting them.

Its obviously much too long not to see them, and could make their behaviour even worse in the long term. It will feel like you are abandoning them. My dc are the same age, and I feel they need more support and parenting than ever. This is not about you, op, this is about them. It is very hard being a teenager in todays' world. You seem interested only in yourself and your own needs.

They will be with their father, who is equally responsible for parenting them.

RobynDeCantersCar · 02/07/2024 09:08

Your Dh is onboard, this will also teach them that their behaviour has consequences. My teens are lovely but I know a lot of that is luck. My mate's teen is an arsehole but his sibling is a delight. This isn't all down to parenting.

Leave them, they will join you out there with their Dad. Their Dad is the other parent, why is this always about bloody Mums? Go.

theeyeofdoe · 02/07/2024 09:09

I think that's fine. They can see their friends over the summer and then still have a 3 week holiday in August.

Lincoln24 · 02/07/2024 09:10

A lot of pretty sexist responses here. If a father was planning to leave the kids with his willing wife for a month before then all joining him, I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid. It's absolutely fine op. Have a break and let your husband parent them.

girlswillbegirls · 02/07/2024 09:11

I would use the money of the holiday on weekly counselling sessions for all the family It's expensive but I think a good family relationship is the most important thing. I would seriously consider this OP.
Sorry you are having a tough time with your kids.