Don't Want To Bring Teens On Holiday

[Casacalida1]

Two DDs are 14 and 16 and I don't want to bring them. I fly out next week and return home the end of August. DH will fly out in August for three weeks. DH thinks I should leave them at home with him. Their behaviour is awful these days and they gang up on me and their younger brother. I just want to relax and not deal with the arguments. DH told them they would fly out with him which of course didn't go well. I really don't want to bring them but I know I will feel guilty leaving them at home and they will probably hate me even more than they do now.

Advice please.

It's just normal teenage behaviour, nothing outrageous. No smoking, drinking or vaping etc. Just moody, grumpy,ungrateful and then they gang up on their brother which gets me involved then too. I've been a SAHM since they were born and I only recently went back to work in January for a 6 month contract. One of the main reasons I went back is because one of my DDs plays a sport at country level and she has a trip abroad soon that's costing thousands. I'm just tired and don't have the energy this time. As I said I've brought them abroad every summer for the last six years.

Yes my DH is their father.

Actions should have consequences. I agree with you.

It is the MN way. It's always the female caregiver who must bear the responsibility of looking after children.

That’s strong parenting in my book. Their behaviour has been awful and now they get to stay home until DH brings them. I have no problem with this at all and if my Ds16 deserved to stay home, he would.

You need to stay calm and firm. If teens who behave like this get a sniff of parental wobble, they exploit it. Calm but firm is what they need.

Absolute bollocks.

I agree with this, it's too long. They have their dad to look after them but I'm assuming he is at work (since he isn't joining you till later) so will be left to their own devices for a month during the day. (And I do have teenagers, not small dc)

Oh come on. The thread would explode if a father came on here and asked about going on holiday and leaving his wife and kids for a month. Most of the posts have actually encouraged the OP to go.

I don't see what the problem is. They will be cared for by their other parent at home. You will get the break you need. Their brother will get a bit of peace (assuming he's going with you). They will still get a three week holiday, during which you'll have their dad as back up.

The only thing wrong with the post is that I'm furiously jealous that you get a six+ week holiday haha! And that I've taken my kids away on my own a few times and given their dad a break but he's never done it for me! But if I had the chance to be in your position I'd say yes please thanks very much, byeeee!

They aren't 4 and 6.

They are old enough to be told their behaviour is appalling and it has become so bad you don't want to be on holiday with them.

They need to learn there are consequnces.

The children need consequences but i am with others in that I think this will make things worse not better

I am guessing dad will be out at work so that's along time unsupervised - depends where you live but that could be hugely isolating for the kids is there isn't much public transport

What needs to change for them to be allowed to go with you?

Can you delay going until they have proven themselves - are you Scotland or England ?

Can you have a few nights / weekend away rather than 3 weeks to give yourself a break

Your 16 year old may have just been through the most difficult time of their lives - exams, needing to choose a future - do you behave at your best under stress?

Give them a final warning to improve behaviour now, or they're not coming with you, they'll have to wait until their dad takes them.

And go from them. Just be fully prepared to follow through, empty threats don't work.

So what would you have working parents with teenagers do? Take the whole summer off work? They are having three weeks with their family. Pretty normal for teenagers to be at home whilst their parents work during the holidays I’d say.

I agree with the majority of PPs who think that this is fine OP. You seem like sensible parents who work as a team. Teaching teens about consequences is no bad thing.

My one concern is that this might be the last summer whereby the 16yo wants to come for the extended period. Where I am, a lot of 17yo do Reading Festival etc over the summer period and many are driving and enjoying getting out and about with friends during the summer hols, maybe working part time too. So things might be different next year naturally, and you might regret not doing the long holiday with all three kids this year. Just a thought.

It's normal for parents to split time off

For parents to arrange trips of grandparents

For parents to be able to ferry a child to a holiday club

So that the childen don't get weeks on end with nothing to do

Because that won't make things better - it's encouraging them to rebel from boredom

Oh you're hilarious....

I don't disagree that the OP should bring them to face consequences

but none of my kids friends stay home all day most of the summer when the parents are at work! What would they do? Play video games all day?

Agreed.The assumption that stroppy, nasty teen behaviour is the fault of the parent is astounding. They’re selfish and expect everything their way - that looks like the rather extreme end of ‘normal’ teen trouble, but it’s the type of behaviour that needs dealing with firmly, not pacifying. There is another child here and he needs a break from his older siblings.

It’s time to teach them a lesson - be unpleasant and you get a short holiday - and you should be grateful you’re even getting that. Be generally nice and cooperative over the year and get a nice long holiday.

How sanctimonious.

OP… leave them. Have a break with your younger child. Glad you’ve got the support of your husband. Your teens might just appreciate you a bit more when they realise their behaviour has consequences.

It doesn’t sound as though OP will regret it - and neither would I.

So why punish normal teen behaviour? Are they not allowed to be normal?

I agree - take a break. Explain to them that you are worn out by their treatment of you. Give a couple of specific examples, and say you need a break from this behaviour and since you seem to wind them up so badly, they also deserve a break from you. Everyone will benefit from having some restorative time apart. It's healthy to do this. You'll see them in two weeks and hope the whole family can enjoy being together after you have all had a necessary breather.

So DH works shifts so will be home 4 days a week with them. We live 3km from the city centre and have excellent transport routes and things to do. They will both still have sports training, matches and tournaments at least twice a week too. DD16 has a very casual cash in hand job once a week. We also have a "granny flat" and their friends visit and have sleepovers. They won't be left at home with nothing to do or no parental supervision. Their grandparents live around the corner.

Oh for gods sake.

They are still getting three weeks abroad!

They can be ‘normal’ at home with their dad for the rest!!

Hardly a punishment. The OP just wants a break!!

It's not punishing them! It's reasonable adjustments to plans that no longer serve the whole family as the teens get older.

And teaching almost adults a valuable lesson that if they treat loved ones like shit, loved ones will and have the right to remove themselves from being the target of that behaviour.

OP is tired from taking a job to pay for a teen's sporting costs. That teen should be taking on a PT job to earn some money to top this up and also be grateful to her mother for her actions. Sounds like OP is taken for granted.

Unpleasant behaviour over a prolonged period of time is not something I’m prepared to put up with or reward with a long holiday. I think what OP meant was ‘not criminal’ or extreme behaviour - but just because it’s nasty, unpleasant, sibling trouble etc doesn’t mean parents should accept. There needs to be consequences- teens need to know that poor behaviour makes their parents sick of them. There is nothing wrong with telling them that clearly. Being the only parent on holiday with them is likely to be unbearable for OP. They need to learn a lesson.