To be surprised there are a lot more very anxious/fearful people out there than I thought?

[bipbopdo]

I’ve seen a few threads recently where posters seem to genuinely believe something really awful will happen to them (kidnapped/robbed/etc) if they don’t take ‘measures’. I’m relatively new to MN, so this has taken me off guard. I live in a major city and generally feel very relaxed about that sort of thing. Sure, something bad could happen, but the odds are overwhelmingly that everything will be just fine. It’s better to trust people and build soft relationships in your community than to be so scared and suspicious all the time.

AIBU for thinking this extreme anxiety/fear is very unhealthy and makes it very difficult to build a community?

It's very common on MN. There seems to be a large percentage that won't open their door or answer the phone. It's weird.

Can't speak for anyone else but my anxiety is because the bad things did actually happen to me.

Everyone is different

Repeat after me

‘Everyone is different’ !!!!!

There are many reasons for anxiety and deep-rooted fear. As blithe as you sound, bad things have and do happen to people, their children, family members, friends etc. When someone sounds anxious my 1st thought is they've probably been through a lot.

I didn’t mean to sound blithe. I’ve been through a lot myself (I’m diagnosed with C-PTSD). I only meant there seems so be a lot of very extreme anxiety on MN about things that are really unlikely to happen.

I find the majority of people I come across lovely. Maybe that’s the unusual position?

What sorts of 'measures' are people talking about? Extreme measures or basic commonsense measures?

Are you a man? That might explain why you feel safe. Many of the women you meet are bound to have experienced things like sexual assaults, domestic violence and stalking. Who wouldn't be fearful after that?
So I vote YABU.

I’m very much a woman and I’ve experienced everything you’ve listed. It’s worth noting the person was known to me - not a stranger.

Therapy helped me to contextualise and manage my responses, which means I’m not ruled by fear and anxiety.

Most people never have access to decent therapy, OP. You have,, which of course makes a significant difference.

Doesn't seem to have left you with much empathy though.

My OP isn’t meant to be about regular common sense precautions. I’m talking about things like never opening the front door or having a bit of a chat with a new person

Thank you for clarifying. I see what you mean.

Anixiety is quite a common mental health problem. I don't answer the door if I can possibly avoid it either. My home is my cocoon and I don't like people I don't know in here. You may be seeing more anxiety about that because since COVID, people have adapted to staying at home and avoiding contact with others.

My original post is about being surprised there are so many people suffering like that. I don’t think that shows a lack of empathy.

Obviously I’m biased, but I’d say I’m a very supportive person to my friends and family who are dealing with anxiety

You are right OP. Many on MN are frightened of their own shadows! I have never in real life met people like a large bunch of MNers who seem to see danger round every corner - whether it be a world war, or a man they don't know who has the cheek to say Hello to them.

That makes sense. I’m glad you have somewhere you feel cocooned. Thanks for answering

This ^.

I grew up in a very volatile home with a parent that would withdraw love and affection in the blink of an eye for no apparent reason. I was raped as a teen by a family friend. I was beaten black and blue, raped and sexually exploited by my first serious partner. Every single time I let my guard down something bad would happen to me so what do you think your brain automatically does in that situation?

Any feeling of peace and safety I have is tenuous at best and it's really fucking annoying to be told that I'm over reacting when all I'm trying to do is to live my life and get through it while protecting myself from further harm. So I don't always like to answer the door when I'm alone. I don't like to answer the phone. I don't like to use public toilets. I don't even go swimming at the gym anymore only at the beach or on holiday and I can get changed in my room or we have a private pool.

There are plenty of people with diagnosed anxiety who find (say) travelling by public transport or holding down a job really difficult. Then there are those who have experienced trauma and are scared of a repetition.
I don't think OP's talking about either of these groups, though. She's talking about people who see danger everywhere, either to them or their children. And yes, there do appear to be a lot of people in this category, sadly. Sure, it's a survival skill to sense danger and to take sensible precautions, but you need to balance this against living a full life.

And as foranxiety of things that will never happen I've got a zombie apocalypse plan, and many many other contingencies for Tina's that realistically I know will never ever happen. Because my brain is wired that way to protect me in all situations. By knowing I know what I would do, I've taken control of the situation and can let go a bit.

I'm shocked that somebody with CPTSD can be so short sighted and fail to realise that this reaction often stems from being in dangerous situations where your control and autonomy has been totally ignored or removed. It's literally a side effect of that.

My OP isn’t meant to be about regular common sense precautions. I’m talking about things like never opening the front door or having a bit of a chat with a new person

We live in a world in which malign media organisations such as News International, or whatever its called now, have huge influence, and inculcating fear is extremely profitable for them.

Think of the thousands of messages, subliminal and not so subliminal, that the average persons receives through print (so-called "news"), broadcast news, sm, and even entertainment in the form of films and TV, or video games, about how hostile the world is generally; endless stories about risks to our health from travelling on holiday, to eating the wrong thing, to climate change, to impending war, to not exercising properly, or not eating enough of something, to dying early bc we befriend the wrong person, or dying early because we do not having enough friends, and that's before we get to actual news reporting on wars, terrorism, criminality, transport disasters, diseases, from all over the world 24/7, plus all the films and tv dramas about kidnapping, rape, hostile aliens and so on.

The agenda is set by men who seem to thrive on, and appear interested in, conflict, hostility and aggression.

Newspaper headlines which plant seeds of fear receive more clicks = more revenue. It's as simple as that. We only hear about the negative side of life and rarely about the wonderful things that happen every day, the miraculous way our bodies function, the beauty of nature as well as its harsh side, the simple acts of love and care that people carry out for one another endlessly and selflessly. Anything that is measured, balanced, not hyperbolic, is rejected as boring or unworthy or not generating enough profit. Women's voices and concerns are shut down. The nurturing and care of others is seen as somehow inferior to "proper" work.

Nowadays we learn about human misery in all its forms from all over the globe, whereas in the past we would only know about things happening in our local village or town and would have had only a vague idea about world events. And increasingly, a young person who lives via the internet, does not get out enough in to the world to enjoy human contact and experience for themselves the fact that in reality the majority of people are pretty ok and it's just a few who ruin it for the rest. They just don't have the first hand experience that contradicts and counter balances all of the scare stories. The reality that life for us in the west at least is pretty mundane and reasonably comfortable as compared with life in some precarious, violent, third world countries where there is little to no free speech or established judiciary, or modern medicine, but it's hard to compute and understand that when the majority of messages we receive about the world on a daily basis are so thoroughly negative.

It feels that way to me, and I've been on mn 20+ years, that the majority of posters are completely neurotic and anxious. Very odd. Really odd. All this I won't answer the door crap. I just find it bizarre.

Human beings are terrible at assessing risk. We are often very scared of things that are very unlikely to happen but not at all fearful of some things which are genuinely very dangerous. Being in a car is probably the most dangerous activity that any of us does regularly but most people aren’t scared to drive or be a passenger.

I think it’s more the people who live in a constant world of doom tell everyone about it where people who don’t just plod through life without being vocal about it

For some things, such as not answering the door, it may be more about not wanting to deal with random uninvited and unknown people, rather than overwhelming anxiety or fear.

That's great, you're just better than other people then?

OP is talking about those traumatised people though - she's saying she just is better than they are because she doesn't 'let it' affect her.

If only everyone else suffering with anxiety could be as amazing as OP, eh?

I have extreme anxiety and PTSD (diagnosed) because as a pp commented bad things did happen to me.

Now everything is a struggle - car and plane journeys, being in crowds, even trips to the supermarket. I always come up with the worst case scenario.

I was having this discussion tonight and in some ways it’s beneficial, I insure everything, I’m cautious with hygiene and food hygiene (only person not to have food poisoning a few times)

I have a ring doorbell so I know who is at the door before I answer.

I plan ahead and take into account things go wrong.

I’m also a huge hypochondriac which was annoying until going to A&E for a “small issue” saved my life.

I know my concerns are probably ridiculous to some people. When the government gave the “3 day warning” about having emergency supplies I dragged my partner and best friend round the shops for bottled water, batteries, tinned supplies etc…

Before Covid was even widespread I caught it from someone who celebrated Chinese new year in China. I caught COVID at the beginning but still stocked up on supplies so we didn’t have to go shopping and never ran out of anything. I do think a lot of that was massively exaggerated but at the time it was comforting that we had supplies and didn’t have to go out.

I don’t know if this is due to both my parents being ill from (separate) illnesses that less then 10% of the uk would get in less then 5 years but it certainly made me realise that it’s not always “other people”

So yes based on past experiences I don’t trust strangers, I don’t open my door to them, I wear my belt in a car and on a plane when the seatbelt signs are off, I read the medication side affects and insurance small print and I stick to speed limits driving.

I can’t explain how much anxiety ruins your life, I watched the film “threads” about nuclear war with a friend who said it wasnt realistic and I’d laugh at how ridiculous it was. I was deeply affected to the point I had severe nightmares.

I try not to let it rule everything and we just went on holiday to give me a break.

but it us unhealthy and more and more people are suffering which means more distrust and fear and wariness.

I don’t know what the solution is though, the world is a scary place. I do also see the good in people all the time and it is balanced, I just think anxiety makes you focus on the bad stuff.