To be surprised there are a lot more very anxious/fearful people out there than I thought?

[bipbopdo]

I’ve seen a few threads recently where posters seem to genuinely believe something really awful will happen to them (kidnapped/robbed/etc) if they don’t take ‘measures’. I’m relatively new to MN, so this has taken me off guard. I live in a major city and generally feel very relaxed about that sort of thing. Sure, something bad could happen, but the odds are overwhelmingly that everything will be just fine. It’s better to trust people and build soft relationships in your community than to be so scared and suspicious all the time.

AIBU for thinking this extreme anxiety/fear is very unhealthy and makes it very difficult to build a community?

I really hate these cold, unempathetic and smug posts.

if you don’t understand anxiety then just feel relieved OP. Proper anxiety is a fucker. You can’t just “not be anxious” however much you try.

people like you make life for people like me much much harder with your lack of understanding

Come off it.

You supposedly have experience of complex trauma, yet fail to understand why on earth people could be anxious, and you're bewildered how their anxiety manifests?

Sure.

I think the people who are not anxious about anything are out and having fun the real world. The anxious people sit inside on their phones with plenty of time for MN. Just statistics?

I applaud you for not being anxious about the threat of being suffocated by your own smugness.

Oh, and I also think that your conclusion that generalised anxiety is a big thing just because you've read about it on MN demonstrates that you yourself are overly anxious and my advice is that you calm down, dear.

I think it's two things op.

Anxious people gravitate towards the internet for connections because they struggle to make them in rl. I don't think it's surprising that places like mn will be populated by a high % of people with anxiety and other mh issues.

That said, you may know more people than you think in rl who have these same anxieties. The woman you sit next to at work probably wouldn't openly admit that she doesn't answer her front door ever but will do on here under cover of anonymity.

I think you’ve summed it up perfectly!

I know someone with health/hygeine related anxiety. Sometimes I'm genuinely surprised at the scenarios they imagine might happen, ot the neasures they take ...but it seems exhausting, I'm pretty sure it's not an active choice to be like that.

What a nasty thing to say

What I find really bizarre is the amount of posters who struggle with anxiety, and/or have a real "pull up the drawbridge" mentality, but still seem to have full lives, plenty of friends, partners/children. Like, how did you make/keep so many friends? Why are people still in touch if you never answer the phone or want to meet up? I've had to make a real effort to put myself out there and invest in friendships, battling anxiety, to make sure I don't end up totally isolated Extroverts found me, liked me and wouldn’t leave me alone until we were friends. That’s essentially it. And they love me enough to accept me for the antisocial introvert I am. No, I can’t always do parties or bbqs, but they know I’d be there at 3am if they needed me. And vice versa. I’m lucky.

I actually know someone like this irl, and still can't work it out. Doesn't like to speak on the phone because of anxiety. At a social event (surrounded by good friends) saying she was struggling with social anxiety at that moment - which made no sense to me, if I'm feeling socially anxious I'm sure as hell too anxious to mention it and just trying to blend in and act normal! But she has plenty of friends, good, deep friendships, and an interesting career where she has to really put herself out there. (Having got to know her better, I'm sure it's not attention seeking, just it doesn't make sense how it works!) People have different coping strategies. Lots of us can put a mask on and pretend to be the life and soul of the party. Especially when we’re forced to do it. Some of my colleagues would be astounded to know that if I’m talking to them, it’s because everything I’ve tried to get out of it has failed. She obviously trusts her friends enough to be able to take that mask off for a minute. Or, she’s simply not ashamed of having something that millions of us suffer with.

Not this again about not answering the door.

We don't all live in Enid Blyton style villages. There have been several robberies in my area where burglars have just barged into the house when the door is opened. I do open my door, but only because I have a metal security gate on it. This was fitted by the previous owners, who had had their front door kicked in in broad daylight and burgled. I used to live in a flat with no security gate. I opened it one evening and a guy, off his head, tried to step into the flat.

I live in a pretty average area of London.

I have travelled the world by myself, I have done a lot of things others wouldn't do. I am still wary of opening the front door.

Another nasty response

You're all out this morning

I don’t think MN is very representative of the population at large, on pretty much anything.

Sedentary lifestyles don't help. When we're stressed, our bodies get us ready to move. Often we sit instead. That's why exercise and movement help us to deal with stress and anxiety.

During the pandemic, the government ramped up the fear to make us all stressed and anxious to comply with all the rules and regulations. When it was over, there was no de-escalation of it, leaving many people living in a state of anxiety.

Look in the mirror.

Why? I merely pointed out that your response was nasty, as was another PPs

Judging the number of "thanks" on the post you quoted, I'm not the only one who is reading OPs judgemental, superior tone exactly as it is.

Their faux "I just want to understand..." is goady and not genuine, and he/she knows it.

But you don't think it is nasty that op implies that, because they were able to overcome their problems that everybody else should also be able to do so, and not be anxious? I'm afraid that makes both of you quite nasty people. And yes, it makes me angry because if people were able to easily let go of their anxiety don't you think that they would?

I honestly think there’s a difference between having anxiety (due to things having happened to them or not) and a lot of the things people on MN often seem utterly petrified of. Sometimes it’s just down to emotive language as well. As others have said I think it can be very odd some of the things people seem to be scared of. And no, I’m not belittling any genuine issues people may have before people ascend their high horses.

Personally I am not an anxious person at all, it never really occurs to me that I might be kidnapped or similar. I am quite relaxed on a daily basis. However, I don't like to open my door or chat to random people because I feel no need to and I'm not interested in building soft relationships or being part of a community. It has nothing to do with anxiety, I just like living my own life with the people around me who are important and feel no need to involve myself with anyone who isn't. It would be a mistake to attribute many behaviours to anxiety because that isn't the root for most people.

For most people on here , not opening the front door isn't about anxiety - it's about not wanting to be disturbed by random people.

If you've ever lived in a city or busy area - or a block of flats - you get so many people knocking that are not welcome and take so much time if you open the door or start engaging on the intacom.

It's so annoying having to deal with what is basically 'spam' - other people do not automatically get access to your time.

I did NOT comment on the OPs post, so you do not know my view on this, so do not assume to. How arrogant of you to do so.
I merely pointed out that your response was nasty.

I’ve tried to be clear that my post is about how surprised I am about the amount of people who seem to be living this way
and how limiting that seems to be. I don’t make any judgement about how people live with their anxiety and fear. Everyone is different.

Clearly I can work on my phrasing. I didn’t mean to come off as blithe, smug, cold or goady. It’s been really helpful to read people’s perspectives on this. I’m genuinely interested in what people have to say here

Op your post was very clear. You’ve just hit a sore spot with some posters, so they will attack you

I do think OPs post could be read as lacking empathy, even if that wasn't the overall intention.

It is possible to come through trauma and live a life free from fear, nothing nasty about that