Female friends on a stag night

[Sweetsweetgrass]

My fiance has asked if I'm OK with him inviting two female friends to his stag do. His plan is to do an activity i.e. paintballing, go-karting, during the day then rent a big house on Air BnB to do a bbq and everyone can stay over and drink. He said it won't be heavy drinking, whilst we're in our thirties some guys will be in 40s/50s. He has a list of 10 guys and 2 girls. I've briefly met each woman once during our relationship to say hello but otherwise I can't say I know them at all. He said they're friends so wants to invite them, it shouldn't matter that they're women.

Honestly, I have several issues with this.

1. I don't know these women and they aren't part of his day to day life so I'm confused why he wants to invite them now
2. I feel the group dynamics will change with women there and the other guys may not be happy with this
3. Why would a woman want to attend a stag do where she doesn't know all the guys? Personally I wouldn't want to be drinking and staying over in a house full of men when I don't know all of them (they may feel the same as he hasn't invited them yet).

I know I'm supposed to be totally cool with it and respect his friendships and show everyone how secure I am, but I'm not comfortable with it. Is this just me or would others have reservations?

My sister had 2 men on her Hen Do. They were both childhood family friends. They shared a room in the house we had rented. We all had a great time!

There's a lot of back pedalling here. I think there's two different questions - do women go to their friends' stag does? And the answer is a resounding "yes".

The other question is, is it right to invite random women who are not friends with the stag, when actual female friends of the stag aren't invited, and specifically so that the men in his group can have a go at sleeping with them? And the answer is obviously no, that isn't right. These women are not sex workers and it's disgusting to invite them to something like this, under the guise of being friends, when really they're there to be served up on a platter to a horny best man.

Your OP asks about the first scenario. Your updates ask about the second one. Only you know which is closer to the truth.

Yes I did read this and wonder when drinking rum and having BBQs became “lads” activities… pretty sure there have been women (and a variety of spirits) at every bbq I’ve ever attended. Some have even been hosted by women!

I do find your stance on this bizarre OP, and a strange attitude to male and female activities and behaviours. I have female friend who are far more wild on nights out than my DH and his friends.

It is the norm for the stags best man to organise the stag do.

Your Fiance has a few old friends that they feel should be invited. (They happen to be female) Your fiancé's friend, also friend to these women I assume, might fancy one of them.
I don't see a problem- the women, I'm sure, can decide for themselves if they want to attend.

Your fiancé's mate wants to bump your mate, as he isn't really their friend, your fiancé's has said that won't happen. Job done.

You also have issues with hot tubs ?

All you need to do now is address your issues, before this grows into a bigger problem through your marriage and ruining it,,over nothing

Great result OP.

I'm assuming this is a joke.

I’m sorry, what? The brainworms are off the scale here

Meanwhile, back in the 21st century…. 🙄

Your third paragraph is wrong. OP's fiancé isn't the one feeling that the old friends should be invited. The best man, of his own volition wanted to invite them because HE wants them there.
Nothing to do with OP fiancé.

Well done OP an excellent outcome! I'm also laughing at your last sentence ...you tell 'em🤣
Your fiancé seems level all the best with the wedding and related events

I can't get past the fact that he's asked your permission.

You know who's wearing the trousers in the relationship 😂

I think I couldn't cope with your level of neediness.

I've been on my friend's stag do, because I'm his friend...why should women friends not go?

His fiance had absolutely no problem with it and I have only met her a handful of times.

It was a laugh and we were just two of the guys.

Trust issues?

What the actual fuck, we 'stifle their conversation', well I'm sorry, back to the kitchen it is! Jesus Christ, I didn't think women like you existed under 70.

They ain't cool wives.. they'd be doing their nut in if it were their hubby to be... but it's easy to pretend you are cool and judge others especially when I'm guessing these so called wives get walked all over by their husbands. Inviting two random women op has never met and aren't coming to the wedding as if that's a perfectly normal thing to do. It's not Normal and op should speak up. There's no way on this earth I'd accept something like this.

I’ve been on a stag do of an old Uni friend. Hasn’t seen him in ages. There were two or three women there. Didn’t meet his wife until the wedding. Stag do doesn’t have to mean a blokey piss up. It can just be about friends celebrating this new phase of life. I think it’s quite normal to have friends of either sex these days. I think it’s a good sign that your DH to be doesn’t differentiate between his male and female friends. I think it shows he sees women as equal and just as people rather than a different species.

Nice little goady post, does it make you feel better at all 😂

You do realise when you write such bitter post, it says more about you than you think!

You see, I find this level of total paranoia and territorialism far harder to believe in. Why is it so hard to believe other women have no issue with their husbands having female friendships that don’t necessarily involve them? I’ve succeeded in not sleeping with my male friends for decades, including going on holiday together. DH has a longtime female friend I’ve never actually met because she lives on the opposite side of the world and they tend to meet on work trips when they find themselves in the same country. We’ve been happily married for aeons. Part of why it works is having strong friendships.

Just how deluded are you about the supreme attractiveness of your ‘hubby’, that you think women are lining up to seduce him?

You are being totally daft. Of course men can have female friends and vice versa.

DH and I both had mixed sex pre-wedding shenanigans. DH even had a best-woman rather than best man (he had been "bride's best man" at her wedding). I was a bit pissed off with those of my male friends who didn't invite me to theirs but some of them did.

Some people aren't sexist in their friendships. This is a good thing.

You don’t trust him. The rest is just window dressing, seems like a you issue. If they were makes friends he hadn’t seen for ages you wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

I agree with PP that you've back pedalled. Your objection seemed to morph from your first post, but you rather gave yourself away even in later posts saying the best man hadn't considered you in the arrangements. You have trust issues which you should sort for the sake of your children.

I wouldn't attend a hen in a big accommodation with men present.

I have a few good male mates and nor would I attend their stag do.

ever been invited to one?