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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister stole her flatmate’s deposit

343 replies

Huhy · 01/07/2024 06:56

Sister just completed her final year at university in London.

Sister lived with an international student in a one bed flat - they converted living room for 2nd bedroom in Central London. They were friends and course mates prior to living together. Sister had an absolute nightmare with this flatmate but I think it is no excuse. So sister and flatmate got an email saying that only £400 of their deposit was being returned due to the state the flat was left in. Sister left the flat in March, tenancy ended in June. Sister left to come home as she was very stressed with dissertation and exams/sick of flatmate. Before she left she completely cleaned her bedroom. She agreed with flatmate to go halves on an end of tenancy clean.

Landlord came back and said the carpet in her flatmates room and her bed were ruined and therefore needed replacing. Sister texted friend saying well seeing as that is all your stuff, I think I’m entitled to the full remaining deposit. Flatmate said no, we’ll split. My sister was distraught as she took care of her room and the common areas as she knew she needed the deposit for her masters.

When I say my sister lived with a pig I am not exaggerating. Sister sent us pictures of their kitchen after she returned from Easter. The ENTIRE floor in their small kitchen had piled up bags of takeaway bags. It was shocking. Flatmate paid for a cleaner to pick up her shit. The other girl also had difficulty turning off the shower and would just leave it - causing damage to the flat below. Another time my sister picked up a towel that had been on the floor in bathroom for weeks and the other girl replied with “haha I can’t believe you touched that, that was a cum towel”. She would also routinely make my sister go with her to get the morning after pill whilst on her period - always thought she was pregnant. Trust me I know her being a nightmare does not justify theft.

Anyway sister figured out that their deposit had not been secured as she questioned the LL’s ability to unilaterally take whatever amount he wanted. The other girl was happy to walk away from the lost deposit. My sister told landlord to pay both deposits into her account as her flatmate has shut hers down. Well that was a lie.

Sister was immature and rubbed it in her flatmates face that she had her money. The flatmate has gone back to her home country (very well off). I got a message from the girl asking me to help. I’m shocked my sister acted this way, very uncharacteristic. Sister in fact has actually given the money to another friend who was struggling to pay her last month’s rent (I have seen texts and bank statements as evidence of this).

Im at a loss. Pleas tell me what to do!

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 01/07/2024 07:26

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:09

Well my dad demanded sister to transfer the cash but she proved that she no longer had the money. I’m not examining bank statements. My parents wanted proof that she gave it to her friend

Your parents ridiculous assumptions that they have any power here is not your problem.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:26

No sister is up £1200!

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 01/07/2024 07:27

How much did the landlord transfer to your sister for the deposit. The only figure you mentioned was £400

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 01/07/2024 07:27

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:26

No sister is up £1200!

Good for her. Sounds like she was proactive and that flatmate was a bitch.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/07/2024 07:27

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:25

The sister got the full deposit back because CAB advised her that thr landlord hadn't protected it so the ll coughed up the full amount.
The sister literally is "up" £1200 because she now has the girl's deposit as well as her own

Edited

The flatmate is not "down" anything, because she trashed the place and was willing to walk away from her deposit, and she wasn't the one who put in the work to figure out that the deposit wasn't protected and get the money back despite the damage. The flatmate can go swivel. Everyone in the OP's family should block her on all platforms and move on.

FOJN · 01/07/2024 07:28

Your sister is an adult, it's none of your business.

Tell your parents you are not getting involved.

Block the flatmate.

If there are consequences then your Sister will have to deal with them.

To be fair to your sister having a flatmate who lives like a pig because she can afford to lose her deposit demanding any of the money back would piss me off too.

Amsx · 01/07/2024 07:29

Block her and back your sister.

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:29

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/07/2024 07:27

The flatmate is not "down" anything, because she trashed the place and was willing to walk away from her deposit, and she wasn't the one who put in the work to figure out that the deposit wasn't protected and get the money back despite the damage. The flatmate can go swivel. Everyone in the OP's family should block her on all platforms and move on.

It doesn't really matter that the sister did all the work. Legally the money was not hers. It was £1200 ! That's a lot of money. She literally took £1200 of someone else's money. She told the LL to transfer it to her as the LL was originally planning on transferring it to them individually.

She has acted very badly here. Yes had she not done anything they'd both be down £1200 each but the fact remains it was not her money

ARichtGoodDram · 01/07/2024 07:31

Just tell the flatmate to take it up with the LL then block them.

It’s actually them that have massively cocked up by sending both deposits to your sister (and I have no sympathy with LLs that don’t protect deposits - they likely cut corners in other ways as well) simply on her say so.

FOJN · 01/07/2024 07:31

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:26

No sister is up £1200!

Surely your Sister is up £600 not £1200. If the flatmate hadn't trashed the flat the full deposit would have been returned and split.

She's up £1000 compared to what she would have had is she'd accepted the landlords offer of £400 and her flatmates proposal of splitting it.

Sorry ignore. I missed the deposit being £1200 each even though you stated it quite clearly!

Pickled21 · 01/07/2024 07:31

Block the flatmate. Your sister needs to grow up. If she did get the deposit paid to her there was absolutely no need to be juvenile and wind the flatmate up about it. She should have given it back but hasn't so that is on her. It isn't up to her to withhold it nor give it to anyone else. I'd be more annoyed that she's lived away for uni but is still acting like an immature idiot. Time for her to grow up and take responsibility for her own actions. I'd tell your parents that you aren't your sister's keeper and be firm that you won't be dealing with this.

babadumm · 01/07/2024 07:33

I think you're getting a bit overexcited over an age-old uni flatmate dispute: deposits.

Yes the other girl may have been filthy here but as I experienced many times, often even with immaculate flatmates, landlords esp in Central London found SOME way to deduct hefty chunks of our deposit. Flatmates always disagree, and need to find some way to solve it.

The girl hired a professional cleaner, no? So it was just the carpet and bed. Again I do believe Central London LLs go for the lowest hanging target. If it hadn't been flatmate's carpet/bed, it might've been something in common areas or your sister's room. I'm not usually the "they're out to get us" kind but I've experienced it with many C. London rentals!

Anyway, you're just making up excuse after excuse to get involved imo: girl harrassing you (drip feed so likely big lie, and anyway just block her), parents can't speak the same language (as your sister?) turns into parents too busy... Your sister is at least TWENTY-ONE, not 12, no?

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:33

Yes, I wish sister would have just kept her mouth shut!

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 01/07/2024 07:34

I'm Team Sister!

Bollocks to the flatmate.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:34

babadumm · 01/07/2024 07:33

I think you're getting a bit overexcited over an age-old uni flatmate dispute: deposits.

Yes the other girl may have been filthy here but as I experienced many times, often even with immaculate flatmates, landlords esp in Central London found SOME way to deduct hefty chunks of our deposit. Flatmates always disagree, and need to find some way to solve it.

The girl hired a professional cleaner, no? So it was just the carpet and bed. Again I do believe Central London LLs go for the lowest hanging target. If it hadn't been flatmate's carpet/bed, it might've been something in common areas or your sister's room. I'm not usually the "they're out to get us" kind but I've experienced it with many C. London rentals!

Anyway, you're just making up excuse after excuse to get involved imo: girl harrassing you (drip feed so likely big lie, and anyway just block her), parents can't speak the same language (as your sister?) turns into parents too busy... Your sister is at least TWENTY-ONE, not 12, no?

Edited

I’ve had message on Facebook, LinkedIn and instagram.

I’m glad you haven’t gone through the very normal experience of immigrant kids being parentified due to speaking English

OP posts:
Peclet · 01/07/2024 07:36

Block her.

Sounds Like your parents don’t understand the situation and are making too much of it.

I don’t think your sister has done anything wrong!

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:36

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:34

I’ve had message on Facebook, LinkedIn and instagram.

I’m glad you haven’t gone through the very normal experience of immigrant kids being parentified due to speaking English

Edited

All of which have a blocking facility

Just write back and say to the girl .. this is nothing to do with me so please contact my sister. And then block on every platform

FOJN · 01/07/2024 07:37

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:34

I’ve had message on Facebook, LinkedIn and instagram.

I’m glad you haven’t gone through the very normal experience of immigrant kids being parentified due to speaking English

Edited

Ok if you can't block her everywhere you need to tell her you are not your sister's keeper and do not appreciate being harassed. Then ignore her.

VisitationRights · 01/07/2024 07:37

It’s nothing to do with you, don’t get involved with the drama. Reply to the messages and block.

Londonrach1 · 01/07/2024 07:37

Block the girl and don't get involved. Not your problem

trippily · 01/07/2024 07:39

Just ignore them and they will eventually go away. I don't understand why your sister gave away 2400 tho!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/07/2024 07:39

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:34

I’ve had message on Facebook, LinkedIn and instagram.

I’m glad you haven’t gone through the very normal experience of immigrant kids being parentified due to speaking English

Edited

Tell her that if she doesn't stop harassing you you will report her to the police and then block her.

LewishamMumNow · 01/07/2024 07:40

I once shared with someone with disgusting habits, and what deposit we got back I took and kept for myself. Seemed fair. Your sister was wrong to lie to landlord (and technically it was a criminal offence too), but not wrong to keep the deposit, bearing in mind where the damage was.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:40

trippily · 01/07/2024 07:39

Just ignore them and they will eventually go away. I don't understand why your sister gave away 2400 tho!

She still has half of the money (£1200) but it has been put towards accommodation for her Masters

OP posts:
Icepop79 · 01/07/2024 07:41

I thought you said she’d given all the money to a friend to help with their rent?