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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister stole her flatmate’s deposit

343 replies

Huhy · 01/07/2024 06:56

Sister just completed her final year at university in London.

Sister lived with an international student in a one bed flat - they converted living room for 2nd bedroom in Central London. They were friends and course mates prior to living together. Sister had an absolute nightmare with this flatmate but I think it is no excuse. So sister and flatmate got an email saying that only £400 of their deposit was being returned due to the state the flat was left in. Sister left the flat in March, tenancy ended in June. Sister left to come home as she was very stressed with dissertation and exams/sick of flatmate. Before she left she completely cleaned her bedroom. She agreed with flatmate to go halves on an end of tenancy clean.

Landlord came back and said the carpet in her flatmates room and her bed were ruined and therefore needed replacing. Sister texted friend saying well seeing as that is all your stuff, I think I’m entitled to the full remaining deposit. Flatmate said no, we’ll split. My sister was distraught as she took care of her room and the common areas as she knew she needed the deposit for her masters.

When I say my sister lived with a pig I am not exaggerating. Sister sent us pictures of their kitchen after she returned from Easter. The ENTIRE floor in their small kitchen had piled up bags of takeaway bags. It was shocking. Flatmate paid for a cleaner to pick up her shit. The other girl also had difficulty turning off the shower and would just leave it - causing damage to the flat below. Another time my sister picked up a towel that had been on the floor in bathroom for weeks and the other girl replied with “haha I can’t believe you touched that, that was a cum towel”. She would also routinely make my sister go with her to get the morning after pill whilst on her period - always thought she was pregnant. Trust me I know her being a nightmare does not justify theft.

Anyway sister figured out that their deposit had not been secured as she questioned the LL’s ability to unilaterally take whatever amount he wanted. The other girl was happy to walk away from the lost deposit. My sister told landlord to pay both deposits into her account as her flatmate has shut hers down. Well that was a lie.

Sister was immature and rubbed it in her flatmates face that she had her money. The flatmate has gone back to her home country (very well off). I got a message from the girl asking me to help. I’m shocked my sister acted this way, very uncharacteristic. Sister in fact has actually given the money to another friend who was struggling to pay her last month’s rent (I have seen texts and bank statements as evidence of this).

Im at a loss. Pleas tell me what to do!

OP posts:
DaveWatts · 01/07/2024 06:58

Don't get involved! It's nothing to do with you.

OMGsamesame · 01/07/2024 06:59

Why do you need to do anything? They're adults they can sort it out themselves

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 01/07/2024 06:59

Mind your business.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:00

This girl is harassing me on social media. Plus my parents are aware of situation and want me to get sister to do the right thing.

OP posts:
Pombearprincess · 01/07/2024 07:00

Keep out of it .

Holidaaaaay · 01/07/2024 07:01

Block the girl on social media, don't let her have the ability to harass you. Then stay out of it.

FloofPaws · 01/07/2024 07:02

Block her

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:02

Do not get involved. Your sister has acted very badly here and I simply don't understand the logic of her giving the deposit to someone else. And why are you examining texts and bank statements? Yes the friend was a slob but taking someone else's money is stealing. Let that sit with your sister for a moment. Even if the friend is rich, it's stealing. Maybe the girl's parents are punishing her. Who knows. Your sister stole that money. Because she got the girl's deposit too and then did not give it back.

Having said that, sister needs to deal with this herself. Either ignore the text from the girl or write back and say "this is nothing to do with me suggest you contact sis".

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:02

Okay but I also have a moral obligation

OP posts:
Dpresst · 01/07/2024 07:02

Keep out of it

FastnetLundyRockall · 01/07/2024 07:03

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:02

Okay but I also have a moral obligation

You don't have any obligation at all. Block and back away from the situation

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:03

No @Huhy your sister has a moral obligation.
Tell your parents to speak to your sister. Block this person on SM.

I mean I'd also be telling my sister that she is a thief but that's nothing to do with anyone else

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:04

Sister says she’s not giving it back. She will have to sue her for it.

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 01/07/2024 07:05

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:00

This girl is harassing me on social media. Plus my parents are aware of situation and want me to get sister to do the right thing.

Block her then

Gazelda · 01/07/2024 07:05

You now know the level of your sisters morals.

I agree with everyone else. Block the flatmate and stay out of the situation. It's none of your business.

LegoLegoLegoLegoLego · 01/07/2024 07:05

Your sister was very daft to rub the girl's face in it when she could have just quietly gotten away with it...

I don't understand why you've become so involved. Taking the money wasn't right, but it was your sister's decision over which you have no control or can reasonably be expected to get involved in.

It wasn't right, but it's not the crime of the century given the circumstances here is it. I think I'd block friend and firmly tell anyone who talks to you about it that you are fed up of it and won't get involved any more.

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:05

My parents are Eastern European (language barrier) they have delegated to me

OP posts:
Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:05

You may want to inform your sister that stealing is a criminal act not a civil one. The girl can just report it to the police

Quitelikeacatslife · 01/07/2024 07:05

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:02

Okay but I also have a moral obligation

No you don't, your sister may, but honestly this girl sounds filthy and if both rooms were left like that there would be no deposit. So stay out of it , refer the girl to your sister and drop the moral panic

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:05

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:05

My parents are Eastern European (language barrier) they have delegated to me

Your parents can't speak to your sister?

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:06

Andwegoroundagain · 01/07/2024 07:05

Your parents can't speak to your sister?

They have told her to give it back during an argument but they both have multiple jobs and have no capacity to keep on it. So have told me to take over

OP posts:
Mouswife · 01/07/2024 07:07

Your sister has given you her answer. Now leave it alone

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 01/07/2024 07:07

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:05

My parents are Eastern European (language barrier) they have delegated to me

And? Stop being so ridiculous and stay put of it.
Block the girl and tell your parents to get over it and stop talking to you about it.

TemuSpecialBuy · 01/07/2024 07:07

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:00

This girl is harassing me on social media. Plus my parents are aware of situation and want me to get sister to do the right thing.

If your parents feel strongly they should maybe try parenting her?

Rather than sending you in as a flying monkey.

Personally the only thing your sister did wrong was tell the nightmare flatmate about the cash.
She was also kind but foolish to give it to a friend. I did similar idiotic things in my 20s and eventually learned not to.

Also take agency over your own life... block her

NalafromtheLionKing · 01/07/2024 07:08

Huhy · 01/07/2024 07:06

They have told her to give it back during an argument but they both have multiple jobs and have no capacity to keep on it. So have told me to take over

Just tell them (and ex-flatmate) there’s nothing you can do and, unless your parents want to pay the £400 instead, they will just have to leave it. Also agree with blocking ex-flatmate.

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