Sister stole her flatmate’s deposit

[Huhy]

Sister just completed her final year at university in London.

Sister lived with an international student in a one bed flat - they converted living room for 2nd bedroom in Central London. They were friends and course mates prior to living together. Sister had an absolute nightmare with this flatmate but I think it is no excuse. So sister and flatmate got an email saying that only £400 of their deposit was being returned due to the state the flat was left in. Sister left the flat in March, tenancy ended in June. Sister left to come home as she was very stressed with dissertation and exams/sick of flatmate. Before she left she completely cleaned her bedroom. She agreed with flatmate to go halves on an end of tenancy clean.

Landlord came back and said the carpet in her flatmates room and her bed were ruined and therefore needed replacing. Sister texted friend saying well seeing as that is all your stuff, I think I’m entitled to the full remaining deposit. Flatmate said no, we’ll split. My sister was distraught as she took care of her room and the common areas as she knew she needed the deposit for her masters.

When I say my sister lived with a pig I am not exaggerating. Sister sent us pictures of their kitchen after she returned from Easter. The ENTIRE floor in their small kitchen had piled up bags of takeaway bags. It was shocking. Flatmate paid for a cleaner to pick up her shit. The other girl also had difficulty turning off the shower and would just leave it - causing damage to the flat below. Another time my sister picked up a towel that had been on the floor in bathroom for weeks and the other girl replied with “haha I can’t believe you touched that, that was a cum towel”. She would also routinely make my sister go with her to get the morning after pill whilst on her period - always thought she was pregnant. Trust me I know her being a nightmare does not justify theft.

Anyway sister figured out that their deposit had not been secured as she questioned the LL’s ability to unilaterally take whatever amount he wanted. The other girl was happy to walk away from the lost deposit. My sister told landlord to pay both deposits into her account as her flatmate has shut hers down. Well that was a lie.

Sister was immature and rubbed it in her flatmates face that she had her money. The flatmate has gone back to her home country (very well off). I got a message from the girl asking me to help. I’m shocked my sister acted this way, very uncharacteristic. Sister in fact has actually given the money to another friend who was struggling to pay her last month’s rent (I have seen texts and bank statements as evidence of this).

Im at a loss. Pleas tell me what to do!

Just point out to your sister that the girl could contact the University. They won't get involved as such, but your sister is a thief and this could go forward with her. Your sister feels aggrieved, so thinks it's ok to steal, this should never happen again. Speak to her about professional reputation. Then leave it alone.

if your parents are worried they may need to pay it back to the girl in installments so that your sister would owe them. Suggest that perhaps

What good would that do if her sister doesn't have the money to pay the girl back anyway?

Yes she got this email but it was only a threat.

1. sister and flatmate got an email informing them that only £400 was to be returned as LL had damages to deduct. This never actually happened.
2. deposit was £1200/each
3. sister thought it was suspicious that ll could just unilaterally decide how much to take from protection scheme, got advice from CAB who believed LL had not used scheme
4. sister emailed ll saying to return full deposit (£1200 + £1200 = £2400) to her account. She lied saying flatmate had shit down account
5. LL transferred £2400 to sister, no email response
6. Sister gave £1200 to friend who had to stay in London longer than she wanted and was behind on rent

I'm Team Sister.

OP, mind your own business. Everyone in this is an adult.

And no, it's not a "normal experience for immigrant children to be parentified", it's a toxic one.

Butt out.

I see thank you. Part of the blame here is on the person who processed the payment. They shouldn't be taking instructions from your sister for the flatmate's money.

Your post is very difficult to follow

How much was your sisters deposit?
How much did your sister get back?

If she got back more than her deposit, then it is theft and she needs to pay back the 'friend'

but it’s not

This.

Ok, you literally have no power here to make your sister give the money back. You are not in control here.

So what can you do?

You can tell the flatmate that you are not in control of your sister's choices, nor are you responsible for them and leave you alone.

You can tell the flatmate that you can't put a gun to your sister's head and demand she transfers the money and advise the flatmate to see a solicitor and take legal action against your sister.

You can block the ex flatmate on everything and ignore.

You can suggest to your sister that she transfers the ex flatmates share over minus all the genuine costs your sister incurred as a result of the flatmate.

You can pay the ex flatmate yourself.

Any moral obligation you may feel does not translate to any control over your sister or access to her bank account. You can't make her do what you want her to do.

Whether you want to hear that or not, that's the situation. You aren't in control and it's not your responsibility or your business unless you decide to make it so.

You're not thinking clearly about this, OP, as evidenced by how muddled your posts are. Perhaps there's a family dynamic at play here that the rest of us don't understand, but it is an unhealthy dynamic if it means you have to be responsible for your adult sister. Don't get involved.

I think it's been quite clear fwiw so am not sure why PP are getting confused!

I didn't realise sister had lied about the flatmate account. That makes it worse IMHO. Why doesn't she just transfer the £400 or whatever to the flatmate so flatmate not in any worse position than if your sis hadn't intervened. (Although fwiw my view is she owes the flatmate 1200)

Excuse me my posts are not muddled. Not my fault some posters are failing to comprehend.

And English is my second language!

Boundaries OP.

Your sister is an adult and will do her own thing.

You can advise her once. You can say to the flatmate you are unable to influence your sister once, and suggest other remedies to her perhaps, but after that be clear you will not be communicating further, block if need be.

And finally boundaries with your parents, saying you've talked to your sister, there is nothing further you can do and that needs to be the end of it.

While you might want to be the person in your sister's corner, just be there for moral support and nothing else. Do not get involved in her dispute.

If your sister had been thinking straight she probably should have informed her landlord that she was leaving early and sent photos (with the dates clearly visible when they were taken) of her clean and tidy room and what she had done as she left the flat. Then she could have dealt directly with the landlord.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing though. In the meantime - stay well out of the situation.

Same here! But language barriers don't affect numbers or cause you to dripfeed. There's a reason why so many posters think the amount taken was 400 pounds split between 2 people.

If you don't want advice, then why bother posting? Everyone is telling you to stay out of it but you are clearly determined to stay involved.

Your sister sounds like she's got her head screwed on properly. The landlord let them covert 1 bed flat into two. LL then wasn't going to give then a full refund, but your sister found out it deposit wasn't secured, so LL was in the wrong and Sister managed to get all the deposit back. Great. Flatmate was taking advantage, leaving her bit, trashed in first place and was a nightmare to live with. Sister has helped another friend in need with her deposit. She won't be in trouble. Block the flatmate. Tell your parents not to worry. I say we'll done Sister for not being taken advantage of, by LL and flatmate. But silly though to brag to flatmate, she should have stayed quiet about it, she was clever to get more than the £400 back from scumbag LL. Bet the flatmate wouldn't have bothered chasing it up, as she knew she'd trashed it.

If the deposit wasn't protected, the landlord owes them three times the deposit value.
So your sister has received 2/3rds of her share and it is up to the flatmate to chase what she is owed.

No numbers have changed. Read back posts.

Dripfeed was “ oh I’m involved because my parents have delegated to me”. Sorry I did not include my life story in original post.

This is true actually.

It absolutely is theft - your sister has benefitted over and above getting the whole deposit back.

There will be an audit trail of emails to the landlord and the payments being made to and from the landlord.

The flatmate can and should report this to the police.

Tell your parents that your sisters behaviour is none of your business.

You do appear to have an unusual family dynamic and it doesn’t sound healthy for you. Take a huge step back.

Obviously block anyone sending you shitty messages.

@Huhy Did the CAB not advise your sister that if the deposit wasn't protected she could sue the landlord for three times the amount?

People seem to be missing this point - the reason that the sister was able to get her hands on the flatmate's money in the first place was that she lied to the LL and said flatmate had closed her bank account so to transfer the whole £2400 to her, presumably leading him to believe she would pass it on. That's fraud, obtaining money by deception so a whole other offence on top of the theft.