DH took our DD2 trampolining in her pyjamas

[Edenmum2]

I don't know why it annoyed me so much. He has her one-on-one on Sunday mornings (I have a lie in as I do all night wakings) and took her trampolining. He had 2 hours to get her up and ready. Im pretty sure he didn't clean her teeth either. Definitely didn't brush her hair.

He turns up at lunch time all proud of himself and she's still in her pyjamas! Now filthy because they went to the park after.

I don't want to be a nag, I don't want to be negative, I love them bonding and I'm appreciative of him taking her but I just can't shake the fact that his standards for her are so much lower than mine. Like every time I leave her in his care she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Really I can't think he has any other reason to not get her dressed beyond 'I couldn't be bothered'

Am I being a terrible nag? Would it bother you? I just feel like I take on all the mental load of her entire life and he can't even be bothered to get her dressed.

Would it bother you?

Not cleaning teeth would bother me. Hygiene is basic.

Pyjamas wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. But I’m surrounded by slightly crunchy bohemian parents here and she wouldn’t stand out in the slightest.

It's done now so I guess just make it one of those funny stories when she's older "remember when Dad took you trampolining in your PJs"

It's washing and dressing a two year old. Most kids of 8 could manage that task and many do - to help and show how big and grown up they are now. Pretty poor show if he can't figure it out himself.

At least he took her - on the odd days DH was home with the children and I wasn't there and they were due clubs and activities he would decide they were better staying home.

At least he took her - ah, come on now, can't you see what we're talking about here? Low bar for dads?
Why didn't your DH take his children to their activities?

Another pathetic man child who wants a public fanfare for doing normal things with his child. I would be mortified if my child had been taken out in this state.
This is not the kind of man you would want having your child 50/50 in a divorce.

I agree with @CointreauVersial, @Edenmum2 - it's not the end of the world. Yes, he should have got her dressed - going out in PJs was not ideal - but bringing her back filthy shows she had lots of fun. Girls need to know that they don't have to look pretty and clean and impeccably dressed all the time - they can run around and play in the mud and get grubby just as much as the boys can - and it's good for them!

"Not the end of the world" is a really low bar to have.

He is probably helping you in that you now only need to wash her pyjamas!

Sweet lord. So OP should be thankful?!

A one off I can get over it.

A pattern of lazing and shit parenting? No.

'Helping' her?

Have you asked him “why?” OP? If you said “why didn’t you get her dressed, brush her teeth and and brush her hair? What would he say? “It was too much hassle” “I couldn’t be bothered” “she refused to get ready” “I wasn’t aware young children needed to be dressed in public and brush their teeth”

I’m imagining a reverse of this thread where a Mum posted “I took my daughter to a trampoline centre and the park in her pyjamas without brushing her teeth or hair” I think most people’s first question would be “why?”

I am utterly staggered that you dont. You must have incredibly low standards.

That's not the problem. No-one has criticised that.
It's the parenting care beforehand which is wanting.

I'm with you.

Lazy sod

He did the fun thing, but he needs to focus on the boring daily parent things. The routines, the getting dressed, hair, wash, bath, meals etc etc etc. And he needs to be involved and doing this every day as he is a parent every day not just on a Sunday morning.

I think given that she's two there is zero issue with her wearing pajamas.

I was a child in the 60s and even then fathers would have been expected to know that children needed to be dressed and washed before going out in the morning. As you say, it is not brain surgery.

There's nothing wrong with getting all mucky, muddy and rolling around in the dirt with Dad. But not brushing teeth, hair or getting them dressed in the first place just shows a complete lack of care or consideration for the child. As a pp said, I presume he got himself washed and dressed. He either doesn't have a clue about how to care for a child, doesn't see her as a human or is simply lazy.

I'd sit down with him and explain that he needs to get her washed and dressed before he takes her out, if nothing other than teaching her it's important to have a level of personal hygiene.

Accepting shit standards? For one day?🤣 there’s a hell of a lot worse he could do

it's frightening how some people have such low standards.

What kind of slob leaves a kid in pjs all day?

This is nothing to do with pretty, this is to do with basic hygiene.

True, @Epicaricacy . Like someone upthread wisely said, the bar for men is set so low, it's subterranean.

My kids LOVE a pj day. They're out at childcare/school 5 days a week year round, so the rare opportunity to slob around in pjs is taken when we can. But they don't go out in them, and they still get their hair and teeth brushed and faces cleaned etc.

Yes, your last sentence is the point.

Pjs I could live with. When our eldest was little she woke up early and I'd had a bad night with the twins, so DH got her straight in th car to keep her quiet and they went to the automatic car wash as it was open and nowhere else was. She loved it and still remembers it now she's 7. They had cooked breakfast at a service station, so people will have seen her PJs. Not a big deal.

Notdoing hair before tranpolinng.... that sounds like a disaster! With mine I think that would be a half hour job wet combing with conditoner to sort that tangle out.

Yes, it's now standards. It's not brilliant. But if getting her ready properly would have disturbed your lie in it may have been with good, if slightly misguided intentions.

Wtf is wrong with you?!

Do you regularly make up outlandish lies to scare people? Fuck me this is one of the worst things I've ever read on here.