By not telling my baby's dads gf he has cheated

[diamondinterior01]

So, when I was pregnant my then partner left me, wanting nothing to do with me or the baby, no explanation just stay out of my life!
Fast forward 9 months I'm flicking through facebook, I see him in a woman's profile pics I click on it and to my horror, see he has a girlfriend and THREE young children, one is 4 weeks younger than my son.
I messaged him and asked what the hell id
Going on, at first he said they wasn't together when we was (LIE) then he said, well, I never said I wasn't with anyone, what the hell, trying to get off on a technicality.
So my question is, should I just leave the situation alone and get on with my life or should I let his girlfriend know? I'm so torn, do I really want to blow up a poor innocent woman's life and three children's also?

@andfinallyhereweare what wouldn't you do for selfish reasons?

maybe can hide money for a wile but there'll be letters an reviews every year

You sound like a really lovely person. This is kind and considerate, maybe write her a letter in time? Wishing you all the best.

@Farmwifefarmlife thank you, she doesn't deserve what he's done and i don't want to be the one to cause her any stress especially with a newborn, that's hard enough!

@whynotwhatknot I think all correspondence is sent via an online account now.

Regardless, he deserves not to be treated like a dirty little secret nobody knows about. Give him some dignity and make sure everyone knows about him, even if they choose not to have anything to do with him.

I would have to tell her! I'd want to know if it was me! Just say you was trying to find his parents on social media to try and contact them about their grandchild and came across her page through theirs and put 2 and 2 together and you're shocked to discover he was with someone etc etc

Agree with this. Best to let her know, but leave it a bit, but not for too long, the longer it takes the harder it will be for you, carrying around that uncertainty. But for sure tell her because in my experience, men who cheat like this are likely to have done so before and to do so again. Especially if being careless enough to get another woman pregnant, that’s a real sign of a serial cheat.

I've never been in your position, although I do think the wife has a right to know so she can make informed decisions.

I also just wanted to say that you sound absolutely lovely and caring. Good luck!

@leftorrightnow thank you

I’m slightly confused OP. Do you mean that you were in a relationship with someone, he left when you got pregnant and now you’ve discovered he actually has 3 kids that you didn’t know about?! If I’ve got that right then wow, what an awful human!

You’re well within your rights to say something to his girlfriend and let her know about your baby however from experience, she may have a negative reaction towards you when you haven’t actually done anything wrong

@kitty8afly thank you, I don't think anyone really wants to hurt another person though

Very difficult decision and there can't be a happy outcome. If you do decide to tell his partner, I suggest you do it sooner, rather than later. It is going to be a nightmare for her, whatever time. You could consider saying nothing at all and stopping the child maintenance application. If you make that decision, you need to see it through.
I am not advocating for either; there are no easy answers

@ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG yes, I got pregnant he left me saying he wanted nothing to do with either of us and I've since found out he has a whole family

He is awful! My friend was in a relationship with someone for nearly 3 years and the same thing happened with her.

Think it over and do whatever you think is best🤞

You are focusing on your ex, his Dad. Forget him. Tell his current partner, then decide to always be honest with your son. What I notice us that women get caught up in what their ex is and isn't doing, instead of focusing on what us best for them and their children.

@diamondinterior01 I was /am in a very similar situation to you - I posted on here under a different username and every reply (bar one) said to stay quiet.
I'm 3 years in this situation; have an ongoing cms case and my child is still a secret. He has never met or even seen a picture of my child, she has half siblings she doesn't know and his whole family are unaware of her existence.

I battle with it; a lot; more so when her birthday comes around every year .... so I am no help in your decision as I'm still battling with what to do for mine so watching your thread for advice given to you

OP, is there any way you could contact his parents, so your sons paternal grandparents?
They may well surprise you and want to have a relationship with their grandson, possibly even moreso because the three children he has with his long term partner are all girls.

I'd tell her. The poor woman needs to know what type of man she's with, and if he's cheated and fathered a child with you he will cheat again if he thinks he's gotten away with it.

Tell the family!!!!!!!

If nothing else I don't think it's fair to the child to not know their grandparents and half siblings

Mate, this woman has had three kids with a cheating scumbag. How can you not see what a massively important thing it is for her to know that?

Your son will ask questions at some point - may take the trouble to track down his father. Unless you’re going to remain silent forever more it will more than likely all come out at some point - when the current girlfriend will have had wasted years believing in this guy.
Of course he will have a different version ready if it comes out, one nighter perhaps, there’s nothing you could do about that, but don’t get upset and the girlfriend will have to find her own way of understanding what’s happened, which takes time.,They are also unlikely perhaps to immediately set up sibling meetings but at least everyone grows up with the truth and then can do with the right information as they decide down the line.
I recommend pulling the plaster off now rather than later.

@Mum2GirlSs I don't think making a decision is easy, one minute I think yes tell her then I think no, I don't want anyone getting hurt that's the problem, but I also don't want my son to grow up and think I didn't bother fighting his corner to not be a secret and to not have his other side of the family, I'm so conflicted and I can imagine you've gone through everything in your head a million times, I'm no help as I can't make a decision, most of my friends say to leave it alone and get on with my life, my son is my priority but I just don't know what the right thing to do is

Are you Lauryn Goodman?

@happyhippo1 who?