Is there any point of losing weight?

[Thanksforreading]

So DD just turned 3, I’ve struggled with losing weight via c section since getting pregnant. Before pregnancy I was 50kg and I’m 5’3 tall, I’m now 76kg and struggling to eat less, I don’t eat unhealthy, but I follow meals with my toddler on three meals and two snacks. The issue is we would like another baby but DH wants me to lose the weight and be slimmer before we start trying at the end of this year. In my eyes I don’t believe I’m overweight, I just feel like I was too skinny before and he thinks that’s normal. I don’t know should I lose weight before trying for another baby or do that after the next baby? I just feel like it’s such a waste of effort if I’m going to put all the weight on again when pregnant.

Totally agree, as to those saying leave him for making a sensible comment … that’s just typical mumsnet, they think it’s fine to just wander off out of marriage for any trivial thing.

I do agree with this, however I’d agree more heartily if OP had had her last baby. The fact she is thinking of another pregnancy - which puts huge strain on the body - is different when it comes to his weight loss suggestion from if he was just complaining that she was less attractive to look at for him.

I am your height and post preg 66kg, there is no way I wouldn’t be considerably overweight at 76.

If you tend to gain weight during pregnancy it’s going to be extremely hard if you gain more next time.

Also fruit snacks and popcorn are terrible options. You might benefit from a nutrititionist.

MN is the most fucked up place when it comes to weight.

I wouldn't seek advice here.

Everyone seems to be focusing on how "obese" the OP is and not the fact her DH is pressuring her to lose weight.

Exactly this, theres countless threads on here about husbands that have gone to seed, pot belly, put on weight etc etc and the wife doesnt find them attractive any more. Usual advice is that honesty is the best policy, try to get him to lose weight, eat healthier etc etc

Why is it different here I wonder

OP says she bought dresses in size 10 so they may not be any indicator or size. There are plenty of roomy dresses about.

OP has used the NHS calculator, which at least takes ethnicity into account. Her question was is it worth losing weight before next pregnancy, or should she leave it until after. Regardless of her body shape, muscle mass, fitness, and aims, the answer is, yes it is worth it.

Your husband is rude to call you fat after having a baby so recently

The “baby” is three!

OPs husband is clearly a bit of an arse but what this highlights is just how many MNers are in total denial about weight and health.

OP you mentioned looking pregnant after you’ve eaten. This suggests you may still have quite a bit of ab separation. If you can afford to I would highly recommend seeing a specialist physio who can advise on exercises to help with that. Or there are plenty of people on YouTube offering free workouts for diastasis recti.

I can recall my doctor saying at my 6 week post baby check in to make sure I lost all the weight before going for baby 2.

I still work in stones so had to look that up. At that height (same as me) nearly 12 stone is definitely in the overweight category. I would be looking at losing weight/getting more exercise before having another baby, if you can.

If the OP is Asian, Black, Middle Eastern, or mixed ethnicity with any of these ethnic backgrounds, then she is already obese as the threshold is a bmi of 27.5 in that case.

Well I'm 71kg and 5'7 and wear 12-14s but we are all different shapes and sizes.

I think OP that if you gained that much weight since you got pregnant the first time you could easily be in the obese range after the second baby and whatever size clothes that works out for you it's not healthy.

In your shoes I would try to lose weight before the next pregnancy, for you and your health.

I don't know if you realise but this is an unhealthy shape to be - this is a quote from just one article on the subject "one 2019 study Trusted Source involving 2,683 postmenopausal women, those who had an apple body type — more fat in the midsection and less fat in the legs — were three times more likely to have heart disease than those with a pear body type.
It would be a good idea for your health if you could get back to a normal BMI.

It’s quite sensible to start ttc from a healthy weight. I was advised to put on weight when I was trying to conceive. Suggestions to be a healthy weight before engaging on something as physically taxing as pregnancy should not reframed as ‘pressurizing’.

I was about to say this yes, its worse for her, not better! Unless she is Hawian or something

But, is the claim from posters who try to dismiss the BMI, that there has not been any medical research since that time then, on what categories mean what for peoples health? Why do health professionals use it then if it means nothing?

Total and utter denial.

Each category of a healthy weight stretches across a couple of stone. Im still aiming right for the top of mine, 10 stone 2. Hopefully I will get there one day, but my main aim is the waist measurement, mine is far too big.

I agree, to be honest having a BAME ethnicity (as I do) just makes all the thresholds lower - in my case 27.5 counts as obese.

This.

Losing weigh can only ever be your decision and if you only do it for aesthetic reasons, it can lead to a really unhealthy relationship with food.

You husband is being ridiculous. Is he only with your for your looks? What will he do when you start to get grey hair and wrinkles? Will he then demand you get botox, that you will dye your hair or even get a face lift?

Aside from all the above, how is he as a husband and father? Does he pull he weight with childcare and household chores? Does he leave you time for exercising and relaxing?

I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss DH as unkind. It depends how he worded it, of course, but he is watching his wife slowly reach an unhealthy weight.

Obesity brings with it so many risks for diseases and other problems which obviously he'd like you to avoid. If he's only said something now, then it probably isn't him being a dick (if he was fine with 'overweight' and is only now ringing the alarm bell close to 'obesity').

Should he say nothing and watch you keep gaining to the point where your everyday life is negatively impacted? Or should he say something to at least check that you are aware of what's happening? I'd argue saying something (gently, with love) was the right move.

Edited for spelling.

The C-section doesn't have anything to do with it. I had a C-section with my first baby and my lower belly isn't completely flat, there's a little pucker there due to the scar tissue. It's possible it would flatten out completely if I lost more weight and did more ab exercises to really tighten everything up, but since I haven't done that I don't know. But having had a C-section doesn't make you hold on to any extra kilos compared to having a vaginal birth. What you are describing is fat, and it appears to be concentrated around your middle, which is the unhealthiest place for it to be. It is definitely worth losing some weight if you are planning a pregnancy because carrying extra weight makes your pregnancy higher risk, particularly in terms of the strain it puts on your body. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to put off TTC, but you really should start counting your calories now, making healthier choices and doing some exercise. Then you can carry on this way if you get pregnant next month and hopefully not put on too much weight in your next pregnancy, or be well on your way to a healthy weight if you get pregnant in a few months' time. I really would try and get a grip on this right away because if you put on a lot of weight in your next pregnancy from an already high starting point it will be so difficult to come back from and you'll be compromising your health at a time when you want to be in good physical condition for your children.

OP is almost obese. It's not helpful to minimise the excess weight being carried because weight and appearance go hand in hand.

We wouldn't treat any other medical condition in the same way by telling people to ignore it because they look fine. Weight should be no different.

Out of interest what is his BMI? It is not down to him to tell you to lose weight.

How much does your husband weigh? Because I think that's exactly the amount of weight you need to lose.
You do what feels right for you. BMI goes some way to seeing if you're overweight but it isn't completely accurate, especially if you're little!
It sounds like you have a very normal diet and your toddler will love having their meals with you.

I don't get all the posts saying dh is in the wrong.

Why must everyone be silent about weight?

How many posts have there been here when the wife comes on and says her dh has picked up weight and she's worried for his health. There will be a string of helpful replies, and of course the old 'is he depressed'.

But if the wife puts on weight, no one is allowed to say a thing. OP wants another baby. Of course this affects her husband. He wants the pregnancy to be as risk free as possible surely.

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OP has said her eating habits have changed and she is eating too much. The clue is here. Take some responsibility OP, and stop blaming your husband for speaking the truth.

If he lied to you and said he wasn't concerned, would you be here posting about that too?

M and s have an issue with vanity sizing . I rarely shop there im 5’10 and 9 st 6 lbs an 8-10 in most shops but everything in an 8/10 at m and s is too big

Sigh. BMI and BMR mean sweet sod all to about 90% of the population. I do wish people would stop trotting out ‘at your height and weight you’re obese.’

If you’re happy, OP, and you’re not a burden on your loved ones or the NHS do what you want.

TBH sounds more to me like he wants you to lose weight for HIM rather than because he cares about your health.

You don't need to lose weight for your husband but think of your health.

I'm similar height/weight and have just been advised I'm close to being diabetic.

Can you honestly say at your current height and weight and diet you feel good?