Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

[Daisypod]

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

This kind of response is so tedious.

Not wanting to hear the rejection in person doesn't mean you can't let them know how much their rejection hurts you then reject them back by cutting ties with then yourself.

A cheap and nasty card would be making a point though!

Well if you feel you have to give them a card for any given event @Daisypod may I recommend this one.....?

She doesn't. Just in the same way your stepdad has decided he doesn't have to speak to his daughter about excluding you.

In these circumstances I would expect my mum to insist that something was said.

Is your mum contributing to the cost of this wedding, OP?

Well at least it saves you the cost of a present and a card

Honestly, just think of the money you’ll be saving. No accommodation fees for a holiday that can’t be yours. No forking out for a present/ money. She’s actually done you a favour for the future too. No need to feel obligated to invite or consider her in the future. YANBU. Win/ win

'It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.'

How exactly did this 'become clear'? Just in your head?

Now, think up some non-paranoid reasons why you might not have made the wedding list. Yes you can.

Your step-dad is a C You Next Tuesday and so is your step-sister.

Your Mum is just as bad for enabling and condoning this. If your Mother has any decency, she will not go to this wedding. I would not attend a step-child wedding if my flesh and blood child was not invited.

I would humiliate your step-sister online with a post, "Oh Hi! Just wondering if our invite to the wedding is lost in the post?

Lots of love,

Your sister."

Then I would walk away from them all.

Well, this is one time that you can really enjoy hindsight. You didn’t buy an expensive present and now you don’t have to with an absolutely clear conscience! Take your saved money and go and do something lovely with your family - and don’t bother with your SS again. She can go hang with her Instagram mates.

YANBU, I would be upset too. Screw them I really wouldn’t bother again.

@Daisypod alot of the responses are harsh. I wouldn't think hour step sister dislikes you. Just doesn't feel same way as you. And tbh doesn't sound like you keep in touch that much.

Are the bride and groom covering the costs? If so, then they are naturally going to be selective. When I got married, it was a relatively small wedding of 60 guests but my husband and I were paying for it and the price per head was very high. For me, it was an intimate high end wedding with those we knew well. I invited my aunty and her daughter, ie my cousin because I felt close enough to them, but not her son ie. another cousin because I hadn’t seen him since he was a baby and didn’t know him. (And do I then have to make it a +1?). My aunty months later said to me her son would have liked to have come, but I just didn’t feel inclined. Do you know your stepsister well? Perhaps she feels she doesn’t know you so well. If guests are paying their own way, then that would be a bit hurtful but ultimately would you feel comfortable being there? X

Their wedding , their choice but moving forward there would be no cards or gifts for any occasions from me .It may be petty but life can be tough enough without letting people wipe their feet on you .

You seriously don't need those type of people in your life.

This is crap. I have experienced similar things when you realise where you come in the pecking order. YANBU but try to get past it. Reduce contact, as Tain your dignity and use your saved money for treats with your own immediate family. Tbh, who wants to be friends with someone so nasty? Best of luck 🌺

In the circumstances I can completely understand why you feel hurt.

Personally, I would say no more about it and use the money to do something enjoyable with your husband and kids. I saying or doing anything else will look petty or bitter.

I would however be reassessing how much effort I put in to this relationship and would take a step back towards 'polite civility' with the bride and groom. Also, if anyone asked any questions about the wedding, I would have no issue being honest and replying matter of factly- 'oh, I wasn't invited- you'll have to ask the bride'.

I would not be sad, though your step-father should talk to his DD and point out how rude this is - cowardly not to, but probably shows the sort of woman your SDS really is, someone who has no care for family but only for outward show.
They are shallow, with their instagrammable wedding and show-off friends. You are real. Ignore them, have a nice holiday somewhere else and cross them off your Christmas card list (also do not send a wedding congrats card).

Instagramy. Enough said.

Either no gift or the craziest gift you can find. Or
https://www.sendshit.co.uk/

I know how hurtful this is OP. Not the same, but I had a post on here a while ago as my dad was getting married and even though they were taking his partner’s son and girlfriend, and invited their best friends, we weren’t invited. I’m his only child.

Actions like this hurt. No matter what the explanation or excuse, the fact is you’ve been told in clear terms that you don’t matter and others are more important to them.

It’s hurtful, but see it for what it is, and step back. Whether or not you share why or you do it quietly and they don’t notice, it will be painful, but time will make it easier. I am so sorry you feel so hurt. It’s hateful and they don’t deserve you in their camp, no matter what their motives.

Sending love, focus on your tribe and have fun spending the money you’d put to the side. They don’t merit a gift or a second thought x

I’d treat step sister accordingly.

YANBU! Some people are unbelievable.

If it were me, I wouldn't mention it again, wouldn't call her, wouldn't send a gift or card, wouldn't get Christmas gifts or cards if you see each other over Christmas, would no longer ask her about her life if you are both at a family event. I'd dial it back to chats about the weather, if no way to avoid seeing her.

As for the time / money you set aside, invest it in doing something nice, as others have said, with positive people in your life who are worth building a relationship with. Pearls before swine, and all of that.

Fwiw, I also think your step dad should have had a word with his daughter before now (my parents certainly would have done, if I'd been so rude and unpleasant). But the damage is done now, so I suppose it's not worth dwelling on.

I preferred bridge😂😂 I had visions of guests standing on a rustic bridge over gushing stream and blowing bubbles over it! It was quite romantic looking 😂😂