WTF have we done buying this house

[hugebuyersremorse]

Currently having major house buying remorse and feel totally trapped

We completed today and we were really excited, feeling accomplished as first time buyers. We are mid 20s, newly married and expecting our first baby in a few months time. We have bought an ex-council house, 3 bedrooms with a modernised kitchen and large garden. Area is great and convenient; that plus the house size for the money was what drew us to the house. There was also 9 other offers!

We have another two weeks on our rental so the plan is to move across slowly. We’ve to view this afternoon and it is a total state. I can’t actually believe anyone could live like that, obviously they haven’t cleaned it since the second viewing a couple of months ago. Mess in every cupboard. Food at the bottom of the dishwasher. Dog hair in the fridge. Holes in every wall that need filling in from where pictures have been. Wallpaper peeling. They’ve taken the bannister off for some reason, it was there before? The shower is grouted with what looks like chewing gum, again wasn’t there before so has clearly been very recently replaced. Front door has a crack in it. Closes and locks, but big crack in it. Neither we or the surveyor noticed before so it is possible that it’s new. The garden is big and full of weeds that are probably about a metre tall. We always knew it would be a project but wow has it got out of hand these last few months. Crisp packets and wrappers strewn everywhere.

I know I am moaning and perhaps this is all very normal but I truly feel like despairing. We have worked really hard to get into a position to be able to buy this house. I have friends who are purchasing new builds and I feel jealous and think we should’ve gone for a much smaller new build. Maybe it would be small but at least there wouldn’t be any major work to do.

I feel like I can’t bear to part with our rental. A bit dramatic but maybe my hormones are playing a part. It’s a housing association rental so we have paid minimally and would have always been able to rent at a discount. It was a recent-ish build and although small, nothing here is our responsibility to fix. Why on earth would we move to a situation that costs us more for the sake of ‘ownership’. Let’s be real that we don’t really own it anyway, the bank does for the next 35 years (plus pocketing 5.2% interest thank you very much).

There is obviously a lot of work to be done, plus the added burden of paying more per month and having a gazillion repairs to do. We haven’t got many savings aside for repairs at all. I know this is far from ideal but we just needed to get on the property ladder and wanted to do it before baby.

Anyone I know who’s bought a house immediately celebrates it and moves in that day, instead we’re now paying for someone to deep clean it, looking for a gardener and trying to source grouting / roofer / new shower. I feel like we are never going to have any money & I naively hoped I’d be able to keep some savings back for maternity leave rather than plough what little we have left over into the house.

If you are reading this and thinking I’m naive, I understand that and have enough self awareness to know I probably am very much so. We perhaps should have scrutinised it a bit more but we were eager, and with hindsight, probably foolish.

What can I do to make best of this situation? I just want a rewind button but know the reality is we are stuck with it now :(

That is a very unfriendly and nasty thing to say when the poster is upset. She feels overwhelmed by what she has taken on at a young age, and instead of being criticised, she should be admired. So, get back in your hole and leave her alone. She will be fine, in spite of comments made by horrible people like you!

I think you might have to eat flakes of lead paint to ingest any lead.

I felt like this with my first house and actually had to move back to my parents for a few weeks while it was made habitable. The worse bit was when my dad decided to check what was behind a panelled wall - there was no wall, it was hiding a gapping hole in the bricks. After the initial shock& emergency repairs it was great and I still have fond memories of the house. I had it for 9 happy years.
Congratulations with your purchase, ex council houses are well built and a good buy

Don’t worry, all the old stock housing will have had lead paint in at some point. It’s probably been painted over by now. In my house I have it underneath other layers of paint on the bannister and the front door and the skirting up the stairs. I know this because I bought a testing kit online, because I wanted to strip the paint off the front door. If it is there, you just have to avoid dry sanding it and getting it everywhere. I think it is most likely to be on wood surfaces, but quite safe when painted over.

Useful advice here, even though it may not be your council area: https://www.hastings.gov.uk/environmentalhealth/pollution/lead/.

You just need to be careful with removing it. And, again, can be dealt with yourself. Just do some online research.

You can also call your own council’s environmental health (housing standards) team for some advice. While it’s not their legal duty to advise, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind having a quick chat to you when you have a baby on the way.

Congratulations on buying a house! Please don’t be sad because, as others have said, once you get settled, you will feel so much better.
Not owning your own house necessitates paying rent, or ending up in a council house, neither of which gives you confidence in your future. Your house will, no doubt, increase in value so if/when you might want a bigger one, you will have made enough profit to afford to upgrade.
I was 20 when my husband and I bought our first house. Yes, it was hard at first but as time went by and financial pressures eased, we found we could afford a better house. We continued to upgrade like this as time went on and when, sadly, my husband died, (at a good age, thankfully), and I downsized, the money I made from the sale of our house is enabling me to have a worry-free retirement in a beautiful flat overlooking the sea.
Owning your own house is security. Enjoy it. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to do.

Being pregnant can make everything feel worse, especially if your nesting instinct is kicking in.
With our first house, it was a terrace in a perfect location for our jobs. We realised the wiring was unsafe and the walls had to be chipped away, damp proofed, then plastered. Ended up living in the bedroom for three months. I was also pregnant so it wasn't a fun time, along with the stench of dog soaked into the carpet.

But...we turned it into our home and it was filled with memories. And you will also do this with yours.

I thought vendors had a legal obligation to keep the house in a certain state following offer and state what fixtures and fittings are included so surely there is some legal side to this rather than you having to except the worsened state since offer? Can you check the paperwork on this? I remember seeing it I'm mine

Learn DIY. It's satisfying, saves you a packet, and in most cases, easy to gain basic skills.

I feel for you, OP. Our first house was an ex-rental which had been sat empty for months and the interior has been freshly painted. Second house:

1. Grass in back garden was nearly 1ft tall—had stopped mowing it once we made our offer
2. Circular pan burn mark on the kitchen work surface, which had been hidden in viewings by a chopping board
3. Great Dane had slobbered at its head height across all 6 French door windows—it was very crusty and thick
4. Bucket loads of dog hair everywhere—see-through Dyson filled very quickly
5. used teabags left in the sink

Third house:

1. Most of the furniture had been painted around, so the walls were different colours everywhere
2. Stains on the lounge carpet
3. Bathroom blinds had been closed during viewing—it was now clear that they were NEVER opened because the window was COVERED in really thick black mould. The entire window pane.
4. Thick dog hair on all of the windowsills.
5. The insides of all of the kitchen cupboards, drawers, and fridge had been wiped down with a wet cloth with dog hair on it, so they had spread dog hair into every nook and cranny with this cloth; the fact that it was wet made the hair “stick” to the surfaces.
6. 3 year-old expired food in the freezer.
7. The boiling water tap, which they showcased to us as a big feature of the kitchen, was broken (why even tell us about it in the first place, let alone showcase it?).

Anyway…solidarity, OP. Take care of your hands and nails (the bleach used to clean the fully mould covered 90cm x 180cm window got me), and do one room at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, as they say! People are fucking filthy.

Totally understand why you are disappointed.

When we moved into this house it hadn’t been cleaned either. It was a probate sale by and elderly lady and she said she had cleaned it but god it was grim, and we had a two year old in tow who had to go to grandparents while we deep cleaned the place.
I thought we were going to get legionaries from the shower.

We felt the same as you. However it didn’t take long at all to sort all the issues out and it’s a lovely family home now and yours will be too soon. Xx

It's amazing what you don't see when a house has been lived in!

Just take it one room at a time!

We bought a do-er up-er ex council house also. It took me until all the renovations were done to actually enjoy living here, but now I LOVE it. We have a big garden, bigger than average bedrooms, it's a solid build... You will reap the rewards in time. Houses are sold as seen - I would always advise to go back and view the house again in the week before you're due to exchange, so you can check that the house is still in good order, but don't worry... You'll get there. It's probably in part the pregnancy hormones and in part the change. Houses always look awful when they're empty. It'll be ok once you've cleaned up a bit and slowly done the jobs. Chin up lovely xx

Couple of other things. The local police crime prevention officer can usually advise on security measures, and may be able to let you know if the front door crack makes it insecure or if it’s more cosmetic and can be fixed or replaced later.

And I’m sure you will, but always good get to know your neighbours by chatting when you see them. When you have kids, getting along with and befriending neighbours is priceless, especially long-standing residents. They can tell you a lot about the history of your house and any problems it might have, can often recommend local tradespeople and may offer to lend you tools or help you out. And it’s always great to be friends with close neighbours in case of emergencies. Most council estates have long-standing and tight knit communities - another reason buying an older home is better than a new-build. A home is about community too, especially when you have kids.

Unless the house has not been decorated for many years, the paint you see on the walls is highly unlikely to contain lead. If I remember it was late 1980's early 1990's when paint no longer contained lead, so unless you can guarantee the house was last painted over 30 years ago, you can stop worrying about it.

@CowTown you are bringing memories back of a house I purchased in the US. I did the inspection before driving out of town to do the paperwork. These people had let the building sit empty so turned off the power. The tenants had left pork chops in the freezer. The smell was so bad I thought someone had died. It had been 35c or hotter for the past month. Just horrendous. My realtor was amazing and said new fridge with the stinky fridge removed before we sign anything.

We moved in a week later after cleaning the place. I hadn’t properly air conditioned the place because we weren’t living there. First night it sounded like someone broke in. I called the police from my bed. They come with their SWAT team because they could hear the noise and thought there was an intruder. It was the kitchen cabinets falling off the wall. I had started the dehumidifier to dry the air out because humidity and heat drives mold growth. The cabinets were made of particle board so when dried out, they just dropped off the wall.

I paid an insane amount for that house but I love it. I still have to pinch myself that I managed to keep it in my divorce but financially I managed to swing it.

No - so definitely not the same house! I guess it’s a reasonably standard look for a house 😄

All superficial stuff. I can never understand why people fret about this stuff when they are planning to redecorate and sort it to their liking plus it's going to increase in value. I love turning shit homes into dream houses.

When I bought this place, the owner had moved in with her daughter next door but one as her son, who had cared for her had died.

The place was utterly filthy but they had moved her out and left everything as if she had nipped next door for a brew!

All her clothes, shoes and personal effects. All the son's clothes shoes, army clothes and even his medals. EVERYTHING was left behind bar the family photographs.

I called the other son who was the vendor and he said they didn't want any of it but that wasn't the point.

I had a bonfire that I threw stuff on for three weeks straight. Clothes shoes mattresses. Everything.

I didn't have the heart to dispose of his battle dress and medals and kept them until I met a lady in the village who had been his lover years ago and she wanted his stuff so I gave them to her.

I still have some of the stuff that I use myself but the mindset of people moving out and leaving the place in pig order or leaving their shit for someone else to deal with is bizarre and embarrassing.

Don’t panic, OP, it will eventually look and feel like your home.

I did something a little crazy a year ago and bought a house I had only seen on video (well I reserved it, could have pulled out but would have lost thousands), the video was overall representative of the house but was failing to showcase some fairly big cracks in one bedrooms, an unusable bathroom etc… and a couple other “worrying” bits, my first visit to the place was a bit overwhelming and I definitely was wondering if I hadn’t been overtly crazy. BUT I bought it anyway.

Just like the previous poster, the owner had died 10 years before and everything had been left like he had left it (cigarettes in the ashtray included!), so I had rooms packed with clothes, furnitures and personal items to get through. It took a week just to get rid of the stuff (decided to see the positive side of things and treat it as a treasure hunt, alas no treasures were found but I did keep a couple of stuff included a couple furnitures that I have flipped and are now my favorite pieces of furnitures in the house.)

Another couple of weeks to do the core work and I have just been working at redecorating it little by little. (I live alone and it’s a 3 bedroom place so I focused on the main areas and my bedroom and took a bit more time for the rest) it’s been just about a year this I have bought now and by the end of next month I will likely have done absolutely everything I have wanted done (big and small) and will likely (hopefully) not have to spend another cent in the house for years to come. And guess what? I absolutely LOVE my place. It’s definitely my happy place and look exactly like I pictured it in my mind when I saw it on video.

So it’s been a year of feeling like I spend all of my free time and my spare money decorating and fixing stuff, but it’s been very much worth it. I am so so so glad I bought. In fact in the last year my home has increased in value by 31% since I have bought (I had a really good deal and got it at the right time in the right circumstances for what I believe was 10% under market price) so it is and was by far my best investment.

I am in a similar age bracket to you OP and it’s a really big thing to be homeowners in our 20’s in today’s market and economy and it will provide you with a massive safety net. Honestly the work and money I have had to put in the house is well worth the peace of mind housing wise.

And now I am crazy enough to be saving up for a potential second deposit.

What seems a massive deal and a mammoth task right now will have been a completely worthy step to a happy life/happy house by the end of it all, I promise and you will be so glad you bought and did the work and made it yours.

Honestly I'd just get a cleaning crew in there before I move in, they do wonders

I completely understand why you’re feeling like this, OP, but hold on to all the reasons why you decided to buy this house. 3-bedrooms, large garden, great area. You’ve got all the criteria for this to be a wonderful family home and you’ll be able to put your own stamp on it and really make it your own. Take lots of photos showing how it is now and then along the way as you transform it. I would take your family up on the offer to help out with the garden. If they can set aside a weekend to help clear it, there is masses you’ll be able to do.
we had similar when we bought the house that we live in now. It pretty much hadn’t been touched for 40 years, and the garden was completely wild. But it was in the perfect area for us, and we knew it had ‘good bones’. On the day we got the keys I remember feeling completely overwhelmed. My parents had our kids for the weekend and the first thing we did was pull up all the carpets and start stripping the wallpaper (everything heavily nicotine stained).
We lived with bare plaster on the walls, untreated floorboards and an ancient kitchen and bathroom for quite a while as we slowly did it up. As I look around our house now, I feel so proud of what we’ve done and just love it. Good luck, take it one step at a time, work as a team with your partner, and hold onto the reasons why you bought it in the first place.

Do you have an allotment by any chance? 🤭

I love my house now too. 😁 Both times it felt souls destroying when we walked in, because both times we pushed ourselves to the limits financially, all of our money was put into the house purchase, and I thought to myself…what have I done? This has cost me an absolute fortune.

Re your roof - that looks like storm damage, same thing happened to us in the winter - vicious winds, they were strong enough to rip the caps off the end of the eaves and dislodge some tiles. By the sound of it your vendors are lazy scummers who haven't bothered to repair the damage. You'll probably find the bits lying in the long grass when you cut it!