WTF have we done buying this house

[hugebuyersremorse]

Currently having major house buying remorse and feel totally trapped

We completed today and we were really excited, feeling accomplished as first time buyers. We are mid 20s, newly married and expecting our first baby in a few months time. We have bought an ex-council house, 3 bedrooms with a modernised kitchen and large garden. Area is great and convenient; that plus the house size for the money was what drew us to the house. There was also 9 other offers!

We have another two weeks on our rental so the plan is to move across slowly. We’ve to view this afternoon and it is a total state. I can’t actually believe anyone could live like that, obviously they haven’t cleaned it since the second viewing a couple of months ago. Mess in every cupboard. Food at the bottom of the dishwasher. Dog hair in the fridge. Holes in every wall that need filling in from where pictures have been. Wallpaper peeling. They’ve taken the bannister off for some reason, it was there before? The shower is grouted with what looks like chewing gum, again wasn’t there before so has clearly been very recently replaced. Front door has a crack in it. Closes and locks, but big crack in it. Neither we or the surveyor noticed before so it is possible that it’s new. The garden is big and full of weeds that are probably about a metre tall. We always knew it would be a project but wow has it got out of hand these last few months. Crisp packets and wrappers strewn everywhere.

I know I am moaning and perhaps this is all very normal but I truly feel like despairing. We have worked really hard to get into a position to be able to buy this house. I have friends who are purchasing new builds and I feel jealous and think we should’ve gone for a much smaller new build. Maybe it would be small but at least there wouldn’t be any major work to do.

I feel like I can’t bear to part with our rental. A bit dramatic but maybe my hormones are playing a part. It’s a housing association rental so we have paid minimally and would have always been able to rent at a discount. It was a recent-ish build and although small, nothing here is our responsibility to fix. Why on earth would we move to a situation that costs us more for the sake of ‘ownership’. Let’s be real that we don’t really own it anyway, the bank does for the next 35 years (plus pocketing 5.2% interest thank you very much).

There is obviously a lot of work to be done, plus the added burden of paying more per month and having a gazillion repairs to do. We haven’t got many savings aside for repairs at all. I know this is far from ideal but we just needed to get on the property ladder and wanted to do it before baby.

Anyone I know who’s bought a house immediately celebrates it and moves in that day, instead we’re now paying for someone to deep clean it, looking for a gardener and trying to source grouting / roofer / new shower. I feel like we are never going to have any money & I naively hoped I’d be able to keep some savings back for maternity leave rather than plough what little we have left over into the house.

If you are reading this and thinking I’m naive, I understand that and have enough self awareness to know I probably am very much so. We perhaps should have scrutinised it a bit more but we were eager, and with hindsight, probably foolish.

What can I do to make best of this situation? I just want a rewind button but know the reality is we are stuck with it now :(

Not a chance. Houses are sold "as is".

OP, it will be fine. What you have described isn't that consequential in the long run. If you had just discovered that it urgently needs a new roof, that would be bad.

We felt exactly the same mid 20s when we walked into our little house. Walked passed a mount of black bin bags the foxes and flies had been in (maggots all over the front drive), opened the front door and the smell of damp and stale air hit us in the face. Got scrubbing and realised the kitchen sink was blocked. 4 years on and I love our little house. It's not perfect and we're still doing work but it's really grown on us both. Hang on in there, it will get better x

Sorry, that’s not true.

I think it’s very common to feel that way. When we arrived the house was dirty, and being so empty we could see all the holes, cut off wires etc for the first time.

We were lucky that the garden was pretty still and it was May so we could sit outside.

Once you have cleaned it thoroughly and moved your stuff in you can make a list and prioritise. We lived with a dodgy bathroom for a couple of years until it all started breaking, and the dark and dingy kitchen for 9 years. You do stop seeing it after a while!

and congratulations!

I know someone who bought a house that was in a very poor state when she was pregnant. She went on a local Facebook group and offered tea and biccies (or it might have been gin) to anyone who would come round between 2 and 5 one afternoon and do some scrubbing. I think about 10 people came and pitched in — 20 or 30 person-hours makes a lot of difference. (Perhaps some were being nosy, but she hadn't moved in yet, so they only got to see what it looked like empty.) And as a bonus she made some friends in the neighbourhood.

OP firstly I'm sorry that the sellers left it in such a horrible state for you. It was horrible of them to not at least leave it clean.

Now that you're home owners, you will save yourself a fortune and the stress of dealing with tradesemen if you start to become a bit more proficient with DIY. Patching and painting walls is easy. Tackling the grout is not that hard - there's a ton of resources on youtube that demystify things. You might have some initial outlay on tools but it's so worth it in the long run and you'll feel much happier and more in control if you don't have to desperately try and find someone reliable whenever there's a bit of an issue or you want to improve something.

You're going to make this place your own and everything you loved about it will be there for you to enjoy once you've done the bits you need to. Plus I'm in a new build and some of the people on my estate had total snagging shitshows (flooding, bathrooms and kitchens needing ripped out, you name it) so there's no guarantees there either.

Your feelings are completely understandable. However, some advice we got from a gas engineer we had to have in a week after buying (and the start of a LONG and expensive saga) was it’s important not to end up resenting your house. Do what you can to move past this and try to forget about it. It’s clearly a good home under the disrepair/mess as you would not have bought it. It may take time (and money) to fix but you’ll get there.

Edited to add I was 6 months pregnant when we bought too-stressing about still having no heating when I was 8 months was crap! Nesting is a strong instinct so don’t be surprised by your disappointment.

I don't know anybody who has bought a house that didn't need some ballachey jobs doing to it. I think its normal to feel this way- its a very daunting situation, especially when pregnant! I think you've absolutely done the right thing and this will be a solid investment for you. Dont do too much yourself whilst pregnant but hopefully your partner can put some hours graft in and get it clean and tidier before you have to move out of your rental?

Get everything good and clean and then focus on one room at a time. Honestly, what you've described is definitely not insurmountable, although I understand it may feel that way! Youve got this 💪 and congratulations!!

I don’t think that’s true and I’ve bought and sold many houses. I got a lot of money back from a vendor who removed fixtures and fittings that they hadn’t said they were going to take in the sellers pack. Almost a six figure sum.

houses are not sold as is. Sellers can’t cause damage and remove fixtures between exchange and completion.

Also would you consider a little work party? Get a load of mates round, get some beers in and a BBQ and ask people to muck in for a couple of hours cleaning/clearing/filling holes/stripping paper/painting etc. I'm sure your friends would be happy to help and ease your stresses, especially for food and bevs, and many hands definitely make short work! 😊

Honestly don't worry, when I moved into my first property it stunk to high heaven, I got it for a steal as the woman used to keep rodents, and it put off most buyers, but when I got in and the smell, and piss covered carpets, I cried and wondered what I'd done.

My family rallied and we stripped the house and deep cleaned it and within a week the smell had gone, and the house was fantastic under all the grime.

It will come good, don't feel like you have to have it immaculate, just sort out a few cosy areas like your front room and bedroom where you can feel at home and ignore the rest until you're ready to tackle it, accept any help going!!

congratulations!

A tip for the second or third round of renewal: Consider changing the interior doors.

We lived in a house for 15 years where we really didn't like the old, cheap, brown wooden doors. But it was the first place we had ever bought and at the time it somehow (this was not rational!) felt like the doors were some fundamental part of the structure, whereas in fact they were just fittings being sad.

Then we rented for a while in a place that had nice-ish doors. So when we bought our current place, which also had old, cheap, brown wooden doors, we decided to grasp the nettle and changed them. It wasn't all that expensive and it has made a huge difference to the look of all of the rooms.

My mum told me she sobbed the day they moved into our family home. It was filthy and the house she had just sold was her pride and joy.
Over 40 years later and she’s still at the house she cried that first night in. She turned it into her dream home and raised her family there.

One step at a time, you will get there x

You have made the best choice, sounds like the best value for size and location. All my houses have do-er uppers and yes it needs a lot of effort especially if done on a shoestring. My current house I was made redundant on completion, so had to clean and gut the house and then redecorate with freebies and whatever savings I had to move in whilst job hunting. It's been a constant project and an proud.
What I mean it's daunting now but always recommend go zonally. Finish one area eg your bedroom and lounge and then move strategically.

Does your partner feel the same as you?
If yes, then speak up now if you really can't go through with it.
It will cost you though, but better to be 💯 about your decision x

This happened to us too as first time buyers, the previous owners seemed relatively normal, but when we arrived on completion day they'd left the garage full, the dishwasher full, the kitchen cupboards full, rugs, ornaments, garden furniture, the garden was so overgrown we couldn't walk round the house.

They can't have cleaned in months and months, human hair balls and crusty tissues etc.

We had to extend our rental for a month and thankfully it was lockdown so my husband was able to do a lot of the work himself.

It was awful, we were so sad and angry!

@hugebuyersremorse OP I know it was a shock but I agree with the posters saying that once it has been properly cleaned, you will feel better about it.

buying a new build would not have been a good idea. they are usually very poorly built and many regret buying them a few years down the line if not sooner.

and the jobs you described will cost a bit, but not enormous. they did mug you off. prats.

This is pretty normal, to feel this way... and to discover stuff that needs doing.

Some folk will move into a house that looks on the surface to be ok, and then later when they come to redecorate or do what they assume are minor jobs, they'll discover the flaws/faults/problems someone else has bodged.

Some folk will move in and find a ton of obvious issues.

Very few people move in and find it is absolutely perfect.

It is a big shock to your system when you've been all excited and on edge about the purchase, full of dreams and plans and then a horrible crash into reality, but that passes, honestly.

Having your own home, having that security and the freedom to do (ish) what you want with it, its fantastic!

And ignore the numpties saying 'its bought as is, nothing you can do'... if your surveyor missed things that should have been caught, if the buyers have taken things they shouldn't or left things they shouldn't... that can be dealt with. Take decent photos, speak to the relevant people about it.

Oh and buying a new build would not have avoided issues.. they'd be different issues, but there are still issues. The shoddy work and corner cutting I've seen on newbuilds is shocking and very very common!

Yeah honestly it’s gonna be fine, I’ve moved a lot, bought and sold, and every time it’s been all plush furnishings, nice curtains and beautifully painted rooms when you view and SOMEHOW at some point in between, some mischievous little sprat gets in without anyone noticing and fucks the place over! Puts dirt all over the carpet, kicks holes in doors, puts cracks in ceilings and pulls wallpaper off, literally every time! Oh and the owners always help by stuffing all the fucking curtains in the wife’s handbag on the way out, they won’t fit the new place but at least you, the new owners won’t be able to fucking sleep for weeks because of the street lamps shining in!!!!

Husband is a building surveyor and says from the picture the roof looks easily fixed as it just appears to be the wet verge he also said if you can afford it look at getting it converted to dry verge.

I know exactly how you feel though. When we moved into our first home together seven years ago it didn’t look like it had been cleaned since the viewing, the oven was unusable, they had left clothes, they hadn’t emptied the loft and to top it all bailiffs showed up looking for them for 10 years unpaid council tax. Thankfully we’re in Scotland so they had no rite of entry.

OP, we felt exactly the same when we moved into our current house - the different was, that we had to move in on that day with 4 kids (3 under 3) in tow! We knew the house needed work but it was so much more/worse than we ever imagined! It was a complete shit hole, filthy and full of mice and dog hairs! We actually went from a new build to an older house as we wanted more space and privacy!

It was hard but within a few weeks, I could see the potential and the house that I wanted it to be.
6 years on, and we have the house that we envisaged!

You haven't made the wrong choice. It will take time, but you will get there!

It's always overwhelming when you get the keys to your first property OP - oh fuck, what have we done!

You will be fine, make a plan, find good people and just take it one step at a time. God knows it's not easy but you will make a wonderful home for your family.

It sounds messy but pretty much is always like this. Sellers hide things, haven’t moved into a property that didn’t have a bunch of things to sort out.