WTF have we done buying this house

[hugebuyersremorse]

Currently having major house buying remorse and feel totally trapped

We completed today and we were really excited, feeling accomplished as first time buyers. We are mid 20s, newly married and expecting our first baby in a few months time. We have bought an ex-council house, 3 bedrooms with a modernised kitchen and large garden. Area is great and convenient; that plus the house size for the money was what drew us to the house. There was also 9 other offers!

We have another two weeks on our rental so the plan is to move across slowly. We’ve to view this afternoon and it is a total state. I can’t actually believe anyone could live like that, obviously they haven’t cleaned it since the second viewing a couple of months ago. Mess in every cupboard. Food at the bottom of the dishwasher. Dog hair in the fridge. Holes in every wall that need filling in from where pictures have been. Wallpaper peeling. They’ve taken the bannister off for some reason, it was there before? The shower is grouted with what looks like chewing gum, again wasn’t there before so has clearly been very recently replaced. Front door has a crack in it. Closes and locks, but big crack in it. Neither we or the surveyor noticed before so it is possible that it’s new. The garden is big and full of weeds that are probably about a metre tall. We always knew it would be a project but wow has it got out of hand these last few months. Crisp packets and wrappers strewn everywhere.

I know I am moaning and perhaps this is all very normal but I truly feel like despairing. We have worked really hard to get into a position to be able to buy this house. I have friends who are purchasing new builds and I feel jealous and think we should’ve gone for a much smaller new build. Maybe it would be small but at least there wouldn’t be any major work to do.

I feel like I can’t bear to part with our rental. A bit dramatic but maybe my hormones are playing a part. It’s a housing association rental so we have paid minimally and would have always been able to rent at a discount. It was a recent-ish build and although small, nothing here is our responsibility to fix. Why on earth would we move to a situation that costs us more for the sake of ‘ownership’. Let’s be real that we don’t really own it anyway, the bank does for the next 35 years (plus pocketing 5.2% interest thank you very much).

There is obviously a lot of work to be done, plus the added burden of paying more per month and having a gazillion repairs to do. We haven’t got many savings aside for repairs at all. I know this is far from ideal but we just needed to get on the property ladder and wanted to do it before baby.

Anyone I know who’s bought a house immediately celebrates it and moves in that day, instead we’re now paying for someone to deep clean it, looking for a gardener and trying to source grouting / roofer / new shower. I feel like we are never going to have any money & I naively hoped I’d be able to keep some savings back for maternity leave rather than plough what little we have left over into the house.

If you are reading this and thinking I’m naive, I understand that and have enough self awareness to know I probably am very much so. We perhaps should have scrutinised it a bit more but we were eager, and with hindsight, probably foolish.

What can I do to make best of this situation? I just want a rewind button but know the reality is we are stuck with it now :(

God almighty after reading this thread I feel lucky that the 4 times I’ve moved it’s never been horrendous like what the OP is describing, no it’s not normal OP and of course your shocked and overwhelmed 😔humans can be so disgusting!

Some good practical advice on here moving forward!

I think it's normal to feel like that when you move house. Tell your solicitor about the state of it though. You can buy grout and do the grouting yourself! Look on you tube at how to do it.

Really sorry this has spoiled the moment of owning your first house. It will be fine in the end, honest - it’s amazing how quickly you can clean things up and, especially, make it feel like your own home. Being pregnant will restrict how hands-on you can get, but it sounds like you’ll have plenty of help so there will be a big difference soon. Once you get rid of things like disgusting carpets it feels so much better, even if you’re left with bare floorboards for a while (at least they’re clean!).

i would say the first job should be to replace the front door, then the banisters (who removes banisters?!?). That will keep you safe and the rest can be done gradually. It’s horrible being pregnant and not feeling properly at home (our newish house had a ceiling leak when I was 9 months pregnant, I was absolutely devastated…) but you will find that so much progress will have been made by your due date. And in a couple of years you will be able to look back and think it really was worth buying.

(BTW, that photo you posted spooked me a bit as it looks exactly like our old house 😄 We sold it a few years ago though, and I’m sure it’s not the same house anyway 😂)

What a shame the vendors left it in such a state. That’s not at all considerate, especially if they knew you were expecting. As for the removed bannister, damaged door, roof etc, that’s certainly a matter for your solicitor’s advice. Though, if the money’s already been transferred I’m not sure how easy it’ll be to get some refunded.

But at the end of the day, it mainly sounds cosmetic. You’ve done exactly the right thing buying a large house in a good area, where you can stay for the next 20 years if you wish. I expect it is your hormones - and because moving home is stressful and a new home can feel strange, especially if you feel comfy in your existing home.

However, I’m always shocked at what people are prepared to pay for these days. Most jobs on a home (other than electrics, complex plumbing, serious structural stuff etc) can be done yourself with some thorough research, the right tools and taking your time. So, doing a house up needn’t cost money. And, if you plan to be there for a long time, it doesn’t have to be perfect immediately. As long as it’s safe, healthy and clean.

I know you don’t want to be scrubbing others people’s dirt or clearing the garden when pregnant, but there’s no need to pay someone else to clean. It just takes a decent vacuum and some elbow grease. Same with clearing the garden. Can your partner not do it, perhaps with help from friends and family? If my mates needed help to sort their place out, especially if expecting, I’d be straight round there with my bin bags and cleaner.

I’d also advise not to rush into decorating until you’ve got to know your home, how the light moves, what you might want to change. As a temporary fix, whitewashing walls and floorboards (if you need to pull up any nasty carpet) and buying big rugs will suffice until you’ve got to know the place. Then, do it up room by room as you can afford. People who want it all done at the start sometimes make costly mistakes.

For now, it’s best to focus on getting it liveable, your pregnancy and your baby. Getting it exactly how you want can wait. You have years! Good luck!

I am so sorry - this happened to us . And it’s miserable . In fact they hadn’t even moved half their stuff by the time we collected the keys . Our vendors removed stuff without permission and generally trashed the place - it was disgusting . But we got there in the end ( with two very young children ) but I also cried the night we moved in . We left our old place perfect. The chap who bought from us even messaged to thank us .

Oh OP, honestly all will be well, just trust in yourself. We’ve lived and renovated a few houses with young children. Our current house we bought completely unseen from the other side of the world. We had 3 very young children. 1 outside tap and 1 electric socket. No family support and we’re certainly not hippy type people. You’ll find your way honestly you will, just accept where you are and be as patient as you can. Sending you a massive hug xx

It sounds like it will be a great house once sorted, and a very sensible buy. I’ve bought houses that were left filthy too, it’s frustrating and depressing but once you’ve made it your own you’ll feel differently I’m sure. If it cheers you up, my very first purchase was a new build, and looked immaculate. But it wasn’t - the lovely new toilet was blocked with newspaper (we assume from the builders using it): and we later found drinks cans, crisp packets and sandwich wrappers behind the bath panel. Our neighbours had rats in the house from a badly connected drain. Possibly these were unusual things, but new builds aren’t always as perfect as they look. Really hope you get the worst sorted and can start to enjoy your new home, but sorry it’s a deflating start.

As a landlord and regular purchaser of houses, you have one hundred percent made rhe right choice. A lot of new builds are utterly crap. Small spaces, awkward shapes, badly made.
Council houses are excellent in structure, large gardens, solidly built.

Mess can be cleaned up. A lot of lived in properties will have gardens needing work, it isn't a huge job
The remorse will pass and you'll come to love it, I promise!

Thanks so much everyone. I really appreciate it.

I felt exactly like this when buying my first home 15 years ago, it felt lovely warm and homely when we viewed it and then when we moved in it looked like trash. I mean actual trash was left in every room. The kitchen drawers had nail clipping s in them 🤢 and layers of grease on the outside.
The lady had also taken her blinds and curtains after saying she'd leave them there for us.
We quickly got it in a good state luckily and I always say if and when we ever move I will never leave it in a state like that for the next person as I've never forgotten how that made me feel

If it's really that bad, more than a good clean would sort, then you need to get your solicitors involved straight away

I saw PPs comment about lead paint. I’m worried about that now. It has been sold x4 since it was built, including 3 of those in the last twenty years. I was just touching all the surfaces/walls etc and now I’m frightened I’ve ingested lead. I don’t know what’s got into me thinking like this! I think I need to sleep, talk about brain fried!

A friend of mine lives in a lovely ex council house property in South East London. It's a 1930s maisonette but has lovely large rooms and she also has a massive garden.

I think your property needs some love like all houses do. Make a list of all the repairs that need doing and just slowly work your way through, one at a time. A least after a complete refurb, you have the house to your taste. See it as a project.

We have booked a deep cleaner and carpet cleaning company are coming tomorrow, so that’s two things ticked off the list. I like a lot of the ideas for the garden and think using a strimmer would be a good idea in the short term just to get it a bit more manageable.

No no no — you have made the perfect decision!

Just picture yourself in a year’s time with your little one toddling around in your lovely big garden 😊

Everything will be sorted, even if you do it gradually. Is it structurally ok? Does it need new kitchen and bathroom etc? Or is it mainly cosmetic?

We took on a renovation with a newborn and it was difficult for a bit but really not that bad. We never regretted it. The most important thing is that you now have this house and you won’t have to move for a long, long while.

(BTW, if they have left litter and/or belongings in the house or garden or if there is damage that was not there before completion, you can ask your solicitor to get them to sort it out and compensate you for a deep clean.)

Make friends down at the local pub, a great source of advice on where to look for odd jobbers, better than checkatrade. they will also know who not to 'touch with a barge pole'!

If you can't sort out the garden this year then get down to the hardware shop for big sheets of black plastic and once you've strimmed all the weeds etc., weed killer them and cover with plastic to kill them off, next year you can start from scratch, even if you need to reseed the lawn it's not hard or expensive.

Ex-council are, round here anyway, fabulous value, you get much more house for your money and most here now have the loft converted, drives, they are desirable houses because they were built bigger and with bigger gardens than most equivalent new builds. I have bought a couple.

Remember that the key thing you will have is not being in the rental market, and housing security. Your flat may be lovely right now but your landlord can give notice at any time and finding something else, especially with children, is a nightmare at present. You have got out of that, and every single thing you now do is a step to making your new home fab to live in.

The rug doctor is your friend! That thing is amazing for lifting dirt from carpets and giving floors a really deep clean. It will take time yes, but like a pp said, concentrate on one room at a time. Once you have one lovely room to relax in, things will start to fall into place and you'll feel better.

Trust me I've been there - time and patience. Good luck!

Some people do not have the time nor e energy or are able to. if they can afford a cleaning company and want to get in a cleaning company then they can

What do I do re potential lead in paint? How would I know? I’m so worried as I touched all the surfaces :(

Thank you! Area beginning with W?

It always sucks moving in. You viewed the house when it was at it's 'showhome best', no it's empty, cold looking, and all of the things people try to hide come to light. It's also your first home which is a big deal emotionally and you build it up in your head. You're also full of hormones and are no doubt worried about baby in what you feel to be unclean and messy conditions.

When we moved from our last home I cleaned everything thoroughly, filled holes from moving pictures, and even repainted bits. I moved into a house where they didn't even rub off the height markings of all the family on the wall. I could have cried. I got a few rooms straight quite quickly and then plan for the next room, then when I have done that I plan the next so that I feel I am in control of it. I'm it is slowly feeling like a lovely home and it is actually enjoyable making it my own. I also have a young child and full time job so it is a juggle but the results make me happy.

Good luck, these things take time and the first little while in a new home always feels horrible.

I remember moving in to my first bought house and thinking “holy shit, what have we done”.

It took time and work, but within 12 months we’d smashed it.

A good clean takes a couple of days, and I bet a days graft in the garden could have it looking so much better.

The home you now own is going to be something your baby will appreciate you for in the future.

Have a celebratory cuppa/glass of Prosecco and try and see the positives.

Good luck!

PS no offence to any new build owners but they are awful.

Loads of videos of new build home inspectors absolutely slating new, yet to be lived in houses on YouTube.