WTF have we done buying this house

[hugebuyersremorse]

Currently having major house buying remorse and feel totally trapped

We completed today and we were really excited, feeling accomplished as first time buyers. We are mid 20s, newly married and expecting our first baby in a few months time. We have bought an ex-council house, 3 bedrooms with a modernised kitchen and large garden. Area is great and convenient; that plus the house size for the money was what drew us to the house. There was also 9 other offers!

We have another two weeks on our rental so the plan is to move across slowly. We’ve to view this afternoon and it is a total state. I can’t actually believe anyone could live like that, obviously they haven’t cleaned it since the second viewing a couple of months ago. Mess in every cupboard. Food at the bottom of the dishwasher. Dog hair in the fridge. Holes in every wall that need filling in from where pictures have been. Wallpaper peeling. They’ve taken the bannister off for some reason, it was there before? The shower is grouted with what looks like chewing gum, again wasn’t there before so has clearly been very recently replaced. Front door has a crack in it. Closes and locks, but big crack in it. Neither we or the surveyor noticed before so it is possible that it’s new. The garden is big and full of weeds that are probably about a metre tall. We always knew it would be a project but wow has it got out of hand these last few months. Crisp packets and wrappers strewn everywhere.

I know I am moaning and perhaps this is all very normal but I truly feel like despairing. We have worked really hard to get into a position to be able to buy this house. I have friends who are purchasing new builds and I feel jealous and think we should’ve gone for a much smaller new build. Maybe it would be small but at least there wouldn’t be any major work to do.

I feel like I can’t bear to part with our rental. A bit dramatic but maybe my hormones are playing a part. It’s a housing association rental so we have paid minimally and would have always been able to rent at a discount. It was a recent-ish build and although small, nothing here is our responsibility to fix. Why on earth would we move to a situation that costs us more for the sake of ‘ownership’. Let’s be real that we don’t really own it anyway, the bank does for the next 35 years (plus pocketing 5.2% interest thank you very much).

There is obviously a lot of work to be done, plus the added burden of paying more per month and having a gazillion repairs to do. We haven’t got many savings aside for repairs at all. I know this is far from ideal but we just needed to get on the property ladder and wanted to do it before baby.

Anyone I know who’s bought a house immediately celebrates it and moves in that day, instead we’re now paying for someone to deep clean it, looking for a gardener and trying to source grouting / roofer / new shower. I feel like we are never going to have any money & I naively hoped I’d be able to keep some savings back for maternity leave rather than plough what little we have left over into the house.

If you are reading this and thinking I’m naive, I understand that and have enough self awareness to know I probably am very much so. We perhaps should have scrutinised it a bit more but we were eager, and with hindsight, probably foolish.

What can I do to make best of this situation? I just want a rewind button but know the reality is we are stuck with it now :(

If it makes you feel better both houses I bought, at 28 and at 30 were filthy and I don't even have high standards. It's like people who are already not very clean just give up when they know they are moving/are busy with moving. But cleaning and filling in walls isn't too bad. Definitely take photos of bannister and door though that's ridiculous. The garden I dunno I have struggled to keep on top of weeds the past few months and I like gardening! It's all the rain and then this sun

@hugebuyersremorse You will feel so much better once you can see some clean and clear space. We've moved several times, the last time was in the covid years and what a horrible. sinking feeling the night we arrived to see the state it was in. It is really, really common on seeing an empty house with all the scuffs, holes, hidden broken bits etc once the furniture has been taken out, to feel upset.
Huge congratulations on getting a house sorted at such a young age and I hope in a little while that you will feel as happy in your new house as we do in ours!

Why is the fridge and dishwasher there?

I've been property developing and building for the best part of 20 years, you will get there, as a pp said, one room at a time unless there are economies of scale.

The cement missing on the ends of the roof is called verge bedding, it serves the purpose of preventing driving rain getting in, and also stops wind whipping up the tiles.

The good news is that if you are even vaguely handy, it really is very easy to fix as a DIY job, or there are uPVC verges that can be used that cover over the edge, removing the need for old style cement.

Have a look on you tube for how to videos on re-bedding roof verges.

If you do it yourself it will save £££, but do invest in either buying or hiring decent access equipment for safety. take the opportunity to do other roof related fettling, gutter cleaning, soffits etc while you are there.

I assume built in?

This is the worst it’s going to get. It’s only upwards from here. Moving is always a huge wrench, especially when the new place is nowhere near a home yet. But you will get there and make it yours, it will be home for your new family and you’ll grow to love it.

I do sympathize, OP. All those hopes and built-up dreams of owning a lovely big home... and then facing this state of disrepair can't be pleasant.

I moved into my first owned home 3 years ago. I had such an awful lot of work to do on it since, and the kitchen still needs a reno... However, recently I had the two rooms that were "finished" redone by a professional decorator. It's looking and feeling so lovely, so much my own now!

You'll get there. Oh and new-builds are the same the world over: finished quickly, made of cheap stuff that breaks at first point of use (no joke when it's something like the heater or the roof), and invariably after the same boring pattern.

You will make a lovely home for yourself and your family that is unique. It willtake time but you'll get there.

Was there any need for that?!!

Oh OP, I understand how disappointing that is. The person I bought my flat from hid everything that was wrong with it, failed to declare known issues and when he ripped the washing machine out to take with him, left a gaping hole in the outer wall that I could see the sky through. Oh, and it was so filthy it was unbelievable.

I know you feel trapped but, really, you're not. You have options - you can stay and make the best of things, you can throw some time/money at it and rent it out, or you can sell it. Sometimes it helps just knowing you do have choices, even though none of them may be perfect.

Would it help if you wrote a list of what needs to be done, separating it into 'urgent', 'quick wins' and 'later' columns? There are some things that, although shitty, aren't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things - cleaning (gross and annoying that they've left it like that, but easily sorted); minor holes because of picture hooks are easy to fix; messy garden is easily fixed but doesn't have to be done right now or in one weekend. If they're the sort that help out, I'd ask your family to help with those things.

Things like the roof I would classify as urgent and spend money on getting that sorted properly. Do you really need a new shower right now, or will the current one do? Is the grouting failing to the point of letting water leak through to the wall beneath the tiles, or is it just a bit shoddy and will last a while longer? Work out what is most necessary and important to you and focus on those things first.

What a beautiful comment

Feel better now? 🙄

(Bloody hell...was there really any need for that???)

I must admit I think it's a bit bonkers to give up a social housing tenancy in a nice area (that you were happy in,) to take on a 30-35 year mortgage, and all the interest rates rises, and repairs and maintenance, and worrying about losing your job etc. (Benefits won't cover peoples mortgage payments, only rent.)

Not much help sorry @hugebuyersremorse but I get why you're struggling with this.

write a list for each room- everything that needs doing
from small to large

1. sand skirting boards
2. strip wallpaper
3. wash down window frames

even small stuff like shampoo carpet then just keep doing a bit and ticking it off - you will feel better

loads of good replies here but I just wanted to sympathise because it is fucking terrifying. We bought a crumbly old ancient massive thing (that took 18 months of bloody conveyancing) and couldn’t move in for six months. Obviously we knew it needed work, and we got a good price on it, but I had a newborn and honestly we’re just coming up to two years and I’m only just starting to love it. Does help that now it has a new roof and doesn’t piss water every time it rains!

But… I am starting to love it and you will too. Home ownership is fucking stressful but usually worth it.

That said, next time I’m getting a three bed bungalow built in the 70s, not this batshit 18th century thing. Character in a house is vastly overrated.

They possibly removed the banister to get furniture out? So don't replace it till you have fully moved in. Even the best kept houses can look a bit of a mess when empty so just remember all the great reasons you bought it.

A strimmer will get everything in the garden to a manageable height. A good clean will reveal what really needs repaired or replaced. Get several quotes for any jobs that you will need someone else to do - asking neighbours for recommendations for tradesmen is a good way to get to know them. It seems like a lot to do but it won't all need done immediately and you'll have a roomy family home in a great area to enjoy.

Op agree with others, your hormones will make this feel so much worse because you instinctively want to nest, but it will be Ok. You’ve done brilliantly to buy before the birth and if the location is good that’s a massive plus. I know it’s a horrible feeling, I’ve cleaned up my share of shitpit new homes and it’s not fun. But you will get there.

Choose one room to focus on and make nice first, so you have a refuge and a place to sit that feels welcoming.

is there anyone who could help out? I’ve know people get friends and family round for a clean-up or house painting day and then all have a pizza or curry afterwards.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and your new house! You will look back on this and realise it was a blip and worth the effort.

and you will laugh about some of this later- maybe by the time you own your second cement mixer

YANBU for feeling upset. But I agree with others you are being hard on yourself. Moving isn’t described as one of the most stressful life events for no reason…however old you are.

We all learn things through these hard experiences. In our last move I learned the hard way not to scrimp on movers. We had 3 young exhausted guys arrive in a tiny transit 4hrs late having already completed another major house move that morning. They didn’t complete moving our stuff until 11.30pm, the last of which was a giant wardrobe they smashed the mirror on the way down the stairs and gouged chunks out of the wall. The buyers couldn’t get in when they were due and I was cleaning shards of mirror and from carpet and crying at 1am. Horrific!

I know it feels awful now, but you will get there.

OP, your house is going to be lovely. And when you’ve done it up, your friends will be moving out of their first small new build house into another bigger one and you won’t have to.

We bought a 3 bed ex council house that was solidly built but in need of a lot of work. It was so worth it. Finally moving soon after 18 years there.

It’ll take time and work but it’ll pay off.

The vendors are disgusting, but none of that is huge. Clear the rubbish, hoover and fill holes, that will make it look a lot better. Then prioritise the rest. Take your family up on the offer to clear the garden. (Please leave a bit of it wild though, for the insects and birds!)
I bet they took the banister down when they were moving furniture out from upstairs, damaged it and threw it away. Shitty thing to do but you can get it replaced.

What an absolute bloody nightmare!! And you're pregnant too, it must be so disappointing on what should have been an exciting day. It's beyond anything I've heard of taking the bannister too, what the heck.

First things first, thank goodness you have a rental still for a short period. I think thinking about things in the following order might help:

1.The dirt and mess and getting it clean is the first priority so at least you are sleeping and eating in a clean environment

1. Then, you need to create a huge list of all things that need fixing/improving and assign a rough cost

1. Work out which ones need prioritising and which you can live with. Things like ugly grout I guess if it's not leaking, you can get away with leaving for a year or so. The bannister for example is a must for when baby arrives.

1. The situation is what it is now, so mentally it's a case of looking forward and making the most of the opportunity to put your stamp on the house more quickly than you would have done so otherwise.

1. Remember, thief is the comparison of all joy, don't even factor in your friends situation and moving into new builds, it's not going to help you or change your situation one iota

Best of luck OP, I really really feel for you. In a matter of a couple of months things will feel a whole lot different.

PS. There are so so many bitter posters on MN, don't take them to heart - lots of keyboard warriers and jealous people out there

Youll feel much better when you’ve cleaned up and got your bits in. Then you can take your time making your much larger house as good as your friends smaller houses. You’ll be so pleased you took the route you did.

Holiday rentals always look better after you’ve settled in and surrounded yourself with your own stuff too.

I understand exactly how you feel. The same happened to us when we moved into our current house. There were holes in the walls, exposed wires where light fittings had been ripped out, rotten food in the fridge, and disgusting toilets. I was heavily pregnant and as soon as we walked in I felt like crying.

I won’t lie, it took me about a year to start feeling at home, but it happened. If you can afford it, hire a professional to do a deep clean. That helped me initially. Then start clearing and refurbishing one room at a time. Even removing the old wallpaper and some fresh paint will make you like the space more as you will have put your stamp on it. Slowly it will look less like someone else’s house (and by someone else I mean the absolute a**holes who left it in such a state for you - who does that?) and you will start to feel at home.

I think you’ve done the right thing buying.
It’s horrible moving into a flithy house. I’ve never actually moved into a clean one. Always left them clean though.
If you can afford it, get some cleaners in to deep clean once it’s clean you’ll feel much better

My 1st house was Shithole when I moved in, like you out was ok when I looked round but on day off exchange, they were still moving out when I got there and were pissed off that I was waiting for them to leave. When I got inside, I discovered that the white walls were actually filthy and they had painted round the pictures on there walls and there was lots of them. The toilet was black, the carpets were grim and the kitchen cupboard had never been cleaned.

I cried when I saw the state of it. Mum and dad helped me scrub it clean and I decorated one room at a time until it was how I liked it.

Don't worry, it may take time but you will get there, in the meantime take photos and enlist all the help you can.