Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

Brilliant woman. Has respect for herself and isn’t taking responsibility for a man child. To be honest, your entire post makes me think she was right to drop him with you, sounds like you might have contributed to this sort of behaviour by making excuses.

She’s not his wife, she’s his girlfriend of 8 months. Why shouldn’t he pay for the cab she had to take? On the one hand you think she should have looked after him on the other hand you think how dare she touch his bank card? Women aren’t service humans. I have my cfa, I didn’t do any of this crap to my husband, vomiting on our bedsheets and telling him to wake up and order take away at 2am. Ugh. His reaction will be critical here- you need to tell him that’s disgusting and he had better be over offering to take the bedding to a laundromat and get a steamer in for carpet if he hit that too. She has to live there.

He took no notice of her contacting him, assumed crashing at hers would be fine despite her having plans and without checking, threw up everywhere, shouted at her, and you're expecting her to look after him? And no one thinks 8 months is a long term relationship.

If you're telling him he's in the right and she's being over dramatic, you're a big part of the problem.

Everyone makes mistakes, but he'll be needing to man up about now and be extremely apologetic, not be encouraged to think his behaviour was fine, because it really wasn't.

Your son should be hugely ashamed of his revolting behaviour and consider himself very lucky not to be dropped from a great height by this great girl. He could learn a thing or two from her - good manners, self control etc qualities which will stand him in good stead regardless of his exam passes.

He's 26?! I was expecting much younger from the way he behaved. She can do a lot better than someone who can't handle his drink and then expects her to clean up his puke.

If he wants to act like a child he can go home to Mummy.

I think she's dealt with it amazingly. She gets to choose if she is prepared to put up with that or not.

She is not his wife.

Even if she were what is ‘signed up for’?

What is the relevance of her having a trust fund, working out daily and working in the creative sector? CFA exams are an achievement but don’t make you a better human (evidently).

Let’s hope she realises the potential MIL is AAF same as the son and dumps the pair of you.

Fascinating you choose to suggest she is fraudulent for taking his card but don’t acknowledge his abuse to her. Why didn’t he go to his own place, order food and puke there?

It's not fraud as she's not claiming to be him.

I don't agree with her taking his card without his permission but he absolutely should be paying for the inconvenience.

Bottom line: if you take away any advice from this OP: your son should apologise and pay for the carpet to be cleaned and buy her a new bedding set. And then he should set her free.

You are ruining your son !!!

they've only been together a few months, and don't live together. It's a bit different to caring for your long term partner!

He has his own home, he should have gone there to be sick and looked after himself, as most people who don't live with their partners would have to do, not go to someone else's home to vomit over.

How on earth is she mean? She told him not to come over, he did anyway, so clearly was perfectly capable of getting himself into a taxi and to his own house had he wanted to. Not only did she let him in after being woken up when she had to get up early, she cleaned up his sick, ordered food for him, and then sent him somewhere to be looked after rather than just leaving him alone.

Sort your son out OP, he's acted like an entitled prick.

Turning up at 2am against his girlfriends wishes, puking everywhere and shouting at her is fucking deplorable.

She acted amazingly getting him to yours and still made sure she hit her routine. She can do better. I say this as someone from a working class background with no trust fund. She sounds like she's got her head screwed on and your lad's acting spolied.

If he was still in a state when he went to yours and got sick then he must have been in a seriously bad state when he woke her up at 2am and she had to mind him the whole time and then you're criticizing her.

DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

Well keep fostering and encouraging that attitude in him and I'm sure you will both be upset many times in future when girlfriends get sick of his shit. My ex MIL was like that, thinks that their girlfriends/wives should put up with her sons crap (often alcohol related because she was the same) and then when they've had enough she makes out they're the worst in the world dumping her poor babies. She hates having to look after them herself though when they inevitably end up back at her door, which is why she wants them to be the girlfriends/wives problem.

You will do your son NO favours by letting him think that women should put up with crap from him, they often get away with it for a while but inevitably get dumped.

You seem to be an enabler that suggests women should support abusive behaviour, 8 months & not living together why should she deal with the crap…..

Oh dear you’ve not done a good job with this boy at all. She should 100% bin him and get someone much more mature and well brought up.

Yes he was a bit of a dick but if it was a one off in loving relationship, surely you just get on with it & explain the following day that he was out of order. Why in the world would she involve his Mother? He’s 26!

So she should look after him when he’s puking all over the bedsheets but when she borrows his bank card it’s fraud? Lol. Don’t be ridiculous.

It sounds like mummy can’t accept that her little prince has done wrong.

He’s got too much money to spend.
Also, why do people celebrate a good occasion have to get so drunk that they can’t behave respectfully towards others.
OP would you like your OH acting in the same way towards you?

You should be reading him the riot act not looking after him. It's pathetic to behave like that at his age.

Letting her down about what time he was coming home; drinking too much; ordering food then throwing up, shouting at his girlfriend. All absolutely out of line and he should be apologising, not angry.

I always wonder what background entitled selfish men come from who treat their wives like shit and don't get involved in family life or undertake domestic responsibilities. I can see you are just the sort of mother who brings up these princes among men. This woman has her head screwed on very well and he won't be able to treat her like that. If he wants to stay with her he'd better learn some manners. Personally I think she could do a lot better.

And by the way he should of course pay for her cab back. She only needed it because of his shitty behaviour.

Coz he was behaving like a teenager.

It would be one thing if he'd woke up and been mortified by it then I might feel a little bit sorry for him but the fact that he woke up and is upset with her, after she got woken up, had to mind him, had to deal with his sick etc and shouted at her and was being moany when she was heading out to start her day makes me think he's an entitled asshole.

Also funny how you say we're all human and all make mistakes yet you say that she sounds mean, where's your empathy for her in this situation?

Why the fuck would she need to explain to a grown adult men who’s turned up uninvited, puked over her bed and got verbally abusive with her why he was out of order?

If he doesn’t already know that then it’s not on a gf of a few months to tell him

He's lucky she brought him home, I would have been tempted to dump him on the pavement. I'm sorry but your son was inconsiderate, selfish and rude. Who the hell turns up at someone else's home unannounced at 2am. Why should she have to clean up his vomit and faff around sorting out food for him at stupid o'clock in the morning. I wonder if the fact that you say that you would have just cleaned your husband up because that's what you signed up for, is part of the problem. If that is how he has been raised, then little wonder that he thought nothing of treating his partner like crap and is then so self-absorbed that he actually believes that he has a reason to be upset. He should be mortified, embarrassed and apologetic. The fact that she has a trust fund is irrelevant, if she has any sense, she'll dump him.

Why on earth should he involve his girlfriend. He's 26!

I've managed to get to my age, a lot older than that, without having anyone having to clear up pukey sheets.

Because she didn't want to leave him in her house.

And maybe it wasn't a one off and this is the first time she has involved his mother.