Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

good on her! why should she clean up his sick when he’s woke her up knowing she has work the next day!

OP you do realise that this place of hers isn’t hers, I take it she’s renting and living with housemates. She was being sensible not leaving him alone with her housemates having to deal with that, they may WFH and not be comfortable with this kind of crap. Also, if they make a complaint against her for this, she could lose her rental, most house shares are month to month and housemates can turn quite quickly if they get fed up. Does your son have any concept of responsibility? Has he ever rented? Everyone’s allowed get drink and silly from time to time but he shouldn’t have went back there so late when he knows she’s up so early, so unfair. Im also presuming he’s done similar things before and this is likely why she’s reacting this way.

Reverse?

team girlfriend! seems like the only
adult here

Can someone please explain what reverse means on mumsnet?

She has a trust fund but still works a 9-5 (low paying role in the creative world) and she works out every day around it - no idea why!! She does a workout every morning except sunday!

I actually like her even more now. If this is true of course .......

She did the right thing. Your son is a selfish twat probably enabled by you.

OP,

You need to be thanking GF for taking care of DS instead of calling you at 2am to come get him. I wouldn’t have let him in and would have called you to get him before someone called the cops on his disorderly behavior. I’ve never felt the need to drink myself into that kind of state and don’t tolerate people who do. A note thanking her for caring for your DS, and stating that you don’t condone his bad behavior and some treats like her favorite chocolates or some flowers would be a nice gesture.

You also need to be calling out DS on his disrespectful behavior. He showed complete disregard for her wellbeing. He showed up at her home when he wasn’t wanted, disturbed her much needed rest, vomited on her bedding, left it for her to clean up, shouted at her and no telling what other potentially abusive stuff. He needs to at least be enough of an adult to make arrangements for his own care if he is going to drink himself into a state where he is unable to take care of himself. He needs to sincerely apologize for his behavior, thank her for caring for him, clean/replace everything he vomited on and do something to make it up to her.

He doesn’t live with her and she hasn’t made any vows to him. She doesn’t owe him anything. Dropping him at your house shows she cares enough about him to make sure he is safe. Taking his bank card to pay for the taxi is the least she should do. She should also use it to pay for cleaning/replacing anything he ruined in her home.

It isn’t your or DS’s business where she gets her money. She doesn’t have a fiduciary responsibility for your DS and shouldn’t be expected to pay for his bad decisions. It also isn’t up to you or DS to decide if her gym time and work schedule are important. It is important to her and anyone who cares about her should restrict that. I applaud her for being disciplined enough to work out early every morning and for choosing to work and be productive even if she has the financial means not to.

Good for the girlfriend. I admire her and you are making excuses for your son's bad behavior.

I love reading about women with boundaries. The best thing about being financially independent for this woman is that she will never need to settle for a low-quality man. She has standards and expectations which your son will need to be mindful of if he wants to have a relationship with her.

Shouting, vomiting on the bed, needing to be put in the shower etc should be below every woman's standards.

The bit I don’t understand is, if they don’t live together, why did he go back to her place after a big night out, when he knew she had work the next day? Why not go back to his own place?

IMHO, there’s nothing wrong with getting off your face now and again, especially when celebrating. But, why choose to stay at your gf’s when you have your own place and she’s not been out with you?

And why did he ask her to order food for him? Why not order it himself?

And why would anyone puke down themselves and have to be ‘looked after’, including being put in the shower? Did he not even attempt to make it to the bathroom or clean himself up? Even 10 year olds don’t just throw up down themselves. If he’d gone back to his own place, would he have crashed out covered in puke?

It means someone posting pretending to be the other person in the situation. In this case, it would mean the gf was posting but speaking from the mum's pov to show up the mum's attitude.

They've only been together 8 months, she shouldn't have to be dealing with behaviour like that.

It's the son who is in a flat share. That's why she dropped him at his mother's so his flat mates didn't have to put up with this.

You’re doing your son zero favours by excusing this behaviour and underplaying how appallingly he’s behaved towards her. It sounds like she has very firm boundaries and won’t put up with your son’s nonsense behaviour and nor should she. If you don’t address it with him now, he will be doing this to women when he’s 40. Step up and teach him how to treat women respectfully because you’ve done a poor job so far by the seems of it. It’s not her job to do your job for you.

Your son is supposedly a grown adult but acted like a young teenager having his first night out.
She isn't his mum. She doesn't need to look after him when he behaves in such an immature way.

She does have a trust fund (in case you missed the numerous times OP mentioned it) and a job so there's a good chance it is her house.

But still, it's not his home to vomit all over. It's not his home to tip up to at 2am.

What an entitled clown.

I wish I had had her foresight at 26, would have saved me a hell of a lot of time saving men from themselves. Good for her.

Wealthy and boundaried, he needs to up her game.

Yes. All of this. I love it that she was 'fuck this, he's paying for a taxi."

YABVU.

@minou123 you are right, on that point I have to agree. I am definitely the vomiter in our household (dh has never been sick , even with food poisoning in 20 years) but I have always made it to the toilet, even when violently ill through food poisoning.
Previous dh never threw up, but he did used to piss in the wardrobe when hammered, which frankly was worse!

The gf was well within her rights to take the card.

She's looked after your drunken and puking son. He got her up at 2am. He messed her around and threw up on the bed. She then took him safely to where he would be looked after best: his mum.

Taking the card for the taxi was her due. Don't be so hard on her. Instead, be grateful a responsible and caring woman took care of him. As for the kerp fit and poxy job: she's a grafter.

Kick your son where the sun shineth not and make him grovel to her. He can, and will, do a lot worse if he lets her slip through his fingers.

Unlike a Mother, her love is conditional. Conditions include not puking up on her bed. Not being shouted at. Not being his carer. Not being a drain on her resources, monetary or emotionally, for no good reason other than self indulgence. She recognised that this is a teachable moment. I love her.

DS's reaction is classic hangxiety. Maybe he isn't cut out to drink to excess.

Actually, what she should be doing is run far away from this.

I presume he went back to her place because before he got to sick drunk point he thought he would be in with a chance of sex and was beyond remembering or caring that she had said not to come there.
I commend her actions and think OP needs to rethink who is the one in the wrong here.