Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

She isn't his wife!

People do stupid things when drunk but your son is being unreasonable. I personally like the stand she’s taken. She’s not responsible for him, she’s already put up with a whole heap of shit (and puke!) and she wanted to go out to the gym without fear of him choking on his own vomit. Fair play to her. She’s not his mum and he’s also an adult. The fact that she is independent financial is neither here nor there. He’s totally inconvenienced her and why should she have to then pay for the taxi?

This!!!

She’ll go far, I admire her. She has set her boundaries and been clear and assertive in calling out his disgusting behaviour. I am the mother of sons and hope to god that when they get to your son’s age, that I will still see this.

Ugh, just adding to the chorus of no, I’d definitely NOT put up with being woken in the middle of the night by my drunk and puking bf of 8 months. Presumably she now has puked on bedding/mattress to deal with.

it is not about how big/difficult/impressive the exam was or how needed the celebration. It’s how he acted (turning up at hers when she had told him not to and being sick).

The best thing you can do for him at this point is not empathise with how mean she has been but let him know that nobody needs to clean up after him, he needs to be a fully responsible adult. That includes a huge apology to her with assurances that nothing like this will ever happen again and no whinging about his bank card. And suggesting he pays for anything he has puked on/ruined.

She was obviously worried about him being alone but at the same time quite rightly passed off at him shouting to wake her up at 2am then being sick everywhere. I would have turfed him out too, I wouldn't want him hanging around my house while I was at work. God imagine what she'd come home to. I don't necessarily think that you need him at yours but as he is a grown adult but she did what she thought was best. Why should she pay for a taxi trust fund or not. He acted like a dick got gobby then gipped on her stuff. Hopefully she'll dump his sorry arse.

Absolutely right.
She showed responsibility to someone who could easily have choked on their own vomit.

A ghastly way for anyone to get aspiration pneumonia or worse.

She did very well indeed. Sensible gal.

No sarcasm intended.

He wouldn't have even have got past my front door.

He might be academically intelligent, yes.

The GF on the other hand, is emotionally intelligent for dumping him to his mum's. She knew he was unsafe and that OP would worry (as any mum would). She's humane.

If I dated someone that got drunk to that degree, even once, I’d probably reconsider the relationship.

She’s done the right thing. She had to go to work and wanted to make sure he was safe as he clearly wasn’t in a state to look after himself.

If your husband would have pulled a stunt like that and been abusive to you while drunk (ie shouting), would you have married him?

This is hilarious! They’ve been together 8 months! Good on that girl for refusing to deal with his shit!

OP keeps comparing it to if it were her husband but it’s really not the same. They don’t live together, they are not married and they’ve only been dating 8 months!

He might find himself dumped tbh! And good on the girl!

I think we all know the GF is too good for OP and her son and will move on sooner rather later.

He woke her up at 2am, shouted at her and proceeded to throw up all over her flat and bed. She's been up all night cleaning him up, feeding him and presumably changing her bedding he soiled, and you think she's being dramatic and should look after him more?!

Why the fuck should he sleep it off in her flat? To throw up all over it some more?

Take off your blinkers and see this situation for what it is. Good on your sons girlfriend for setting clear boundaries about what behaviour she is willing to accept.

Umm….

So this isn’t a reverse?

OP is genuine and actually thinks her precious little soldier has been treated abominably by his girlfriend?

Good for her. He was sick all over himself and in her bed because he was drunk. Horrid

Team GF here and good on her. Your son was behaving like a dickhead.

Yes he would have been a massive red flag for me. Alcohol is no excuse.

Good on her for not putting up with his nonsense or vomit.

Her trust fund has nothing to do with his. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. Also so what if she goes to an early class

What in the 1960’s is going on here? You’re complaining because your son doesn’t respect her time or space? Yes he was celebrating but no it is not his girlfriend’s responsibility to mother him, especially when he knew she had plans and work the next morning. It doesn’t give him a free pass to do whatever he wants, does it? If he lives with you then where else was she going to take him? Maybe she felt since he was vomiting and probably still had alcohol in his system, that he shouldn’t be alone? Either way, good for her for setting boundaries now. Because if she let this go and mothered him, where do you think the relationship would end up? She’s sending a clear message that she’s not a mug and his actions are his responsibility. I’m 100% on his girlfriends side of the fence! 🙌🏼👏🏼

And why didn't he just go back to his own place?

My friends put up with stuff I won't. I put up with stuff they won't (although I put up with a lot less than many).

You're ok with the odd night of too much to drink. The GF of OPs son isn't. She's allowed to have different boundaries to you.

Also, I imagine if your DH had come home battered, woken you, thrown up all over you, shouted at you, demanded food from you, made you exhausted for work then following day AND THEN been "very upset" with you for not being happy about it, you'd be mad too.

You can forgive more if the person is actually sorry and realising they need to be forgiven.

What did she sign up for?

Me too. For many years working in a very pressurised industry I drank like a fish - but never so much that I couldn't do what I had to do. If when young you can't do the right and proper thing you're heading for the rocks