Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

As for the bank card.. she had to leave her house to bring that gobshite home to make sure he was safe so she could go about her business. Why should SHE be out of pocket. She is hardly going on a spending spree with his money. She TOLD him not to come back after midnight as she was up for work but he ignored that, did it anyway, woke her up, verbally abused her, puked all over her house and had to be showered. Why on EARTH should she be responsible financially for that disgusting behaviour. Mortified for your son and mortified for you.

Sounds like he was a complete thoughtless dick.

If you don't see the problem, you CAUSED the problem.

Your son's girlfried sounds like a wonderful woman!

I'm sorry OP, I think you're probably looking at this as a worried mother whose child is always their child, no matter how old they are, but I do think YABU.

He told his girlfriend he wouldn't be out late. When his plans changed, he didn't bother to contact her to tell her. She had to contact him at midnight to tell him she had to be up early for work, so he should go home - which is very reasonable of her. Your son was then either too drunk/lazy/thoughtless to check his phone and showed up at her house wasted at 2am, woke her up, demanded she order him food and then puked everywhere. He clearly wasn't going to be eating the food she kindly ordered for him, so what's the problem with her telling the delivery driver to eat it?

She then cared for him and, when she had to go early - which HE KNEW IN ADVANCE she did - she went out of her way to drop him somewhere safe, with adults who would definitely care for him. (And good on her for getting him to pay for her taxi back - this is not fraud, by the way.)

We all fuck up, especially when young and drunk, and your son definitely didn't cover himself in glory here. He should sincerely apologise and thank his girlfriend for looking after him.

Good for her! I think she handled this absolutely wonderfully, I'd have done a hell of a lot worse for that dick-ish behaviour. And being together for only eight months I think I'd actually sack him off after that to be honest!

Skyrainlight The girlfriend should run now, can you imagine ending up with OP as your mother in law?
exactly this

Really refreshing on here to read about a woman not putting up with shit from an idiot boyfriend, rather than being a doormat.
Well done her.

Embarrassed for your son

Even more embarrassed that you thought you were 'right enough' to come here bitching about her, her trust fund, her lifestyle choices, job and lack of mothering to your, frankly disgraceful, son.

She is not his mother.
You are. And it shows.

I love this. Finally a woman setting boundaries and refusing to be treated disrespectfully. Go your son’s girlfriend!

You have very skewed priorities. Please do come back and tell us if she's gone on a spending spree with the bank card. In the meantime time, have a word with your son. It's great that he passed some exams, but it doesn't make him better or worse than anyone else. Real life will be there for him in the morning. Don't get carried away.

So your son is a dick and you’re deluded, got it.
Who cares if she has a trust fund? It’s the principle.
If she was my mate I’d be advising her to leave him! 🤷🏻‍♀️

So she should put up with this shyte because “she got a trust fund”? 🤔

She did look after him she cleaned him up and took him somewhere that was safe. I would be so proud if she was my daughter she sounds like an amazing strong woman

And the sniggering at her ‘low pay job in the arts’, disgusting

What?? Your DS's behaviour was dreadful. Good on her having good boundaries!

I'd be using his card to replace my bedding. Hate drunks who can't control themselves. It is absolutely possible to celebrate without getting so pissed you don't know how to behave.

If your ds was still being sick when he got to your house a takeaway when he got home wouldn't have been a good idea. Even more sick to deal with.

Well done to the GF! She knows her worth. Your son acted like a price fool and he had better go grovelling, with wine, chocolates, new bedding and a huge apology if he wants her to keep him!

The weirdest thing to me is that you’re been involved l, he’s 26! An adult. The GF stood up for herself and I’d done the same in her situation if I could! However, when my (now DH) was drunk and vomiting all over the stairs up to our flat, I had no one else to call, so had to take care of him or decide I don’t care. Wish I’d had someone else to take care of him at the time!

More fool you if you would 'look after' a man behaving like this. And no of course it's not fraud for goodness sake.

You must be so proud to have raised this man child.

Wow, sounds like your ds is punching well above his weight. A very classy girlfriend whom I suspect won’t be with him for very much longer.

And now we know where he gets it from.

Thread hasn't gone the way you expected. Not that it will make the slightest difference, you still think she's the one in the wrong when your adult son behaved terribly. And this level of entitlement you've instilled in him is going to lead to a very miserable relationship on her behalf. Poor girl.

Firstly why did he ask her to order his food? That would be a no from me, she’s not his slave.

While people particularly young people do overdo drinking sometimes, you should be reading your son the riot act, not taking his side!!

He needs to apologise to her immediately and sincerely, and undo the mess he left in her place.. Why on earth didn't he go wherever he lives? Did he not have work in the morning too?

Also think it is very very wrong to take his bank card, that is fraud!!

And turning up drunk where you’re not wanted, shouting at people and then damaging their property by being sick all over it is probably harassment and criminal damage if you want to to take a point. Anyway wasn’t she just paying for something which was caused by your son’s shitty behaviour? Plus I daresay he doesn’t begrudge her the money- if she charged him a cleaning fee and for the bedding he ruined he’d be much more out of pocket.

Honestly you really need to stop making excuses/ deflecting.