Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect to share alcohol?

241 replies

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 13:59

We went on an adult only trip to to celebrate a big birthday of a friend. It was a large group and we were divided into different holiday homes. We were sharing with one couple who are mutual friends of ours and one couple who we'd met a few times before but are not friends of ours.

Before we went this couple suggested we all put a bit of money in and they'd get some basic ingredients for breakfast/snacks for the holiday home. We agreed as did the friends of ours.

When we arrived they showed us what they'd bought. It was lots of 'basics' type things like cheap white bread, biscuits, crisps, squash, margarine, baked beans, instant coffee, sugary cereal, lots of sausages and bacon (I'm vegetarian.) This is not the type of food I normally eat but after a moment just thought I obviously had different expectations but as nothing was specified I'll have to put it down to experience. So we didn't say anything negative about the food - just got on with it.

We'd all brought some alcohol with us. Myself and the friends of ours said to everybody else 'please help yourself.' We'd brought a bottle of champagne, some wine and beers. Our friends had bought similar. The other couple bought a bottle of spirits. I realise now they'd not suggested that it was to be shared. I'd also brought some nice nibbles to share - crisps, olives, bread sticks.

On the first proper night (had arrived late on the first day) we were all sat in the lounge having some drinks and the nibbles I'd brought. I'd opened one of our bottles of wine and myself and the 2 other women were drinking that. The men all had some of the spirit. Anyway the evening went on and the men were a bit drunk. The man who brought the bottle of spirits started a physical fight with my DP because he'd helped himself to the spirit. It all came out. About how they'd offered us a cup of tea but we'd not reciprocated - we didn't ever have a tea as we don't like the cheap tea bags. We should have made them breakfast to thank them for getting the shopping.

I realised the whole thing about us paying for this shopping was essentially because they couldn't bare to share anything.

My DP didn't retaliate but left the holiday home to go for a walk to let things calm down. When he got back we packed our things and left.

I think the moral is not to go on holiday with people you don't know well. We are the type of people that share everything. They'd been counting every time my partner had some of their alcohol. They also eat very differently to us, which is fine, I'd just not realised. But perhaps they should have checked as they wanted to do it this way.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 28/06/2024 15:48

In my experience it’s best to be really, really clear on this kind of stuff before you go away with a group.

They sound irritating yes, but why did you feel you needed to leave?

Seems a shame to miss your friends birthday over it.

Staplerandstappler · 28/06/2024 16:27

This is all just a massive failure to communicate clearly about expectations, with everyone assuming that everyone does it their way. One to put down to experience, and be really clear in future.

Bumblebeeinatree · 28/06/2024 16:30

If there was a physical fight someone has to leave.

Bluewhitered · 28/06/2024 16:56

So you paid for 1/3 of shopping that they suggested and they actually didn’t want you to eat it? They wanted you to pay and then subsidise them?! Bit confused! Either way they found fcking awful

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:24

MidnightPatrol · 28/06/2024 15:48

In my experience it’s best to be really, really clear on this kind of stuff before you go away with a group.

They sound irritating yes, but why did you feel you needed to leave?

Seems a shame to miss your friends birthday over it.

We left because the man attacked my partner. We wouldn't have felt safe staying there after that. It was a shame, though.

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:25

Staplerandstappler · 28/06/2024 16:27

This is all just a massive failure to communicate clearly about expectations, with everyone assuming that everyone does it their way. One to put down to experience, and be really clear in future.

Yes, I see that now. In our group of friends we are just like that. But we have known each other for years. This is a new couple who clearly have very different expectations.

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:26

Bumblebeeinatree · 28/06/2024 16:30

If there was a physical fight someone has to leave.

Yes, I agree. We preferred to just leave and not cause a scene as didn't want to ruin our friend's birthday. But going forward I don't think this couple would be invited again.

OP posts:
Tilly22222 · 28/06/2024 17:29

How awful, I think the fact he attacked your partner is quite easy to miss on a skim read but that's the key, not social norms about sharing shopping. They sound awful.

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:31

Bluewhitered · 28/06/2024 16:56

So you paid for 1/3 of shopping that they suggested and they actually didn’t want you to eat it? They wanted you to pay and then subsidise them?! Bit confused! Either way they found fcking awful

No, the shopping did not include the alcohol. But we weren't going to eat any of it anyway.

We all brought some alcohol and myself and the other couple made clear what we brought was for everyone to share but it's just what we would always do. We hadn't particularly realised that this other couple were not willing to share - although the woman was drinking my wine! (Maybe it was just the man who had the issue!) But looking back on it they didn't say that we could share their bottle of spirits.

But we'd clearly been winding them up all day!

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 28/06/2024 17:32

If the others were any friends of yours, they would've made the man who attacked your husband leave.

I wouldn't be going away with any of them again.

OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 17:37

I would not share alcohol, as frankly I do not drink that much. If I open a bottle of wine I am happy to share it, but not just have a help yourself policy.
But attacking someone is so out of order.

honeylulu · 28/06/2024 17:37

Nothing excuses the physical assault and I agree with you about the alcohol. If they were sharing yours of course you would assume they were sharing theirs.

I'm unclear about the food thing though. Sounds like it was agreed one couple would purchase some breakfast stuff and the other two couples would contribute one third of the cost. I know you said that when you saw the stuff you knew you wouldn't eat it but did you pay your third as agreed? I'm racking my brains as to why they were so annoyed and I'm wondering if they thought you "went back on an agreed deal".

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:37

Tilly22222 · 28/06/2024 17:29

How awful, I think the fact he attacked your partner is quite easy to miss on a skim read but that's the key, not social norms about sharing shopping. They sound awful.

Well, yes, it's not how we are used to dealing with disagreements. But I did realise afterwards that we are just very different people. They'd taken the money and got the cheapest food they could get. Consequently there was far too much - loads of packets of biscuits and cheap crisps, loads of cheap bacon and sausages and baked beans. On holiday we would prefer to have at least as nice if not nicer food than we have at home. And I'd be much more careful going forwards as to who I go on holiday with.

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:38

TwattyMcFuckFace · 28/06/2024 17:32

If the others were any friends of yours, they would've made the man who attacked your husband leave.

I wouldn't be going away with any of them again.

They were completely on our side but we just wanted to get out of there at that point.

OP posts:
OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 17:42

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:31

No, the shopping did not include the alcohol. But we weren't going to eat any of it anyway.

We all brought some alcohol and myself and the other couple made clear what we brought was for everyone to share but it's just what we would always do. We hadn't particularly realised that this other couple were not willing to share - although the woman was drinking my wine! (Maybe it was just the man who had the issue!) But looking back on it they didn't say that we could share their bottle of spirits.

But we'd clearly been winding them up all day!

I do not drink much alcohol. But the reason i would not want to share as a matter of course is that I would have brought one bottle of something I like to drink. I would not have had anything else. So if other people drink what I have, I have nothing else to drink. Its the alcohol equivalent of meat eaters eating all the veggie food not leaving enough for veggies. Some of us are very fussy about the alcohol we drink.

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:42

OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 17:37

I would not share alcohol, as frankly I do not drink that much. If I open a bottle of wine I am happy to share it, but not just have a help yourself policy.
But attacking someone is so out of order.

That's fine, but I think when everyone else is sharing their alcohol you should make it clear you don't want to share. I mean there was plenty to go round, I personally find it quite miserly not to share. But if you don't want to then make it clear and don't share other people's things. The woman was happy to share my wine and they were both happy to share my nibbles.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 28/06/2024 17:45

Didn’t anyone suggest the bloke who attacked your DP leave? The others just carried on partying and he stayed while you went home? Confused

PalePurplePumpkin · 28/06/2024 17:46

There was absolutely NO excuse for attacking your husband.

It sounds as though tensions were building, as you came across as turning your nose up at the food etc.

Then when alcohol gets involved, things can get to boiling point.

If he got to that point he should've gone home instead of attacking your husband.

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:47

honeylulu · 28/06/2024 17:37

Nothing excuses the physical assault and I agree with you about the alcohol. If they were sharing yours of course you would assume they were sharing theirs.

I'm unclear about the food thing though. Sounds like it was agreed one couple would purchase some breakfast stuff and the other two couples would contribute one third of the cost. I know you said that when you saw the stuff you knew you wouldn't eat it but did you pay your third as agreed? I'm racking my brains as to why they were so annoyed and I'm wondering if they thought you "went back on an agreed deal".

Yes, so with the food the acquaintance couple suggested that they buy some breakfast/snack food for the house and we all pay a third towards it. I didn't particularly think it was necessary - we could have all just brought things to share but I think that was the thing. They didn't want to share so wanted to make sure it was completely equal and everyone had paid exactly a third. Yes we paid our third - we both paid upfront before they bought the items. They got a good deal because I'm sure most of the stuff would have been uneaten and they would have got to take it home!

OP posts:
ANiceBigCupOfTea · 28/06/2024 17:49

OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 17:37

I would not share alcohol, as frankly I do not drink that much. If I open a bottle of wine I am happy to share it, but not just have a help yourself policy.
But attacking someone is so out of order.

Surely you would make that clear though. The man's partner was happily drinking away at OP's wine so it's understandable why the other men thought it would be OK to have a drink of the spirit.

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:53

OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 17:42

I do not drink much alcohol. But the reason i would not want to share as a matter of course is that I would have brought one bottle of something I like to drink. I would not have had anything else. So if other people drink what I have, I have nothing else to drink. Its the alcohol equivalent of meat eaters eating all the veggie food not leaving enough for veggies. Some of us are very fussy about the alcohol we drink.

There was a local shop so more alcohol could have been bought if necessary. I don't think they were fussy looking at the food they got and the spirit was nothing special. The woman was enjoying sharing my nice bottle of wine, though! But as I say if you don't want to share them make it clear. In your situation I'd have bought a couple of bottles so I'd have something to share. But obviously we're all different. But sharing has always been the norm for our group.

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:57

PuppyMonkey · 28/06/2024 17:45

Didn’t anyone suggest the bloke who attacked your DP leave? The others just carried on partying and he stayed while you went home? Confused

No, they didn't carry on partying. It was all a bit of a mess. The man was drunk so wasn't in a fit state to go anywhere anyway. The woman was in a state (emotional not drunk.) And I was just worried about my partner and didn't know where he'd gone! I wanted to just leave asap.

OP posts:
Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 18:02

PalePurplePumpkin · 28/06/2024 17:46

There was absolutely NO excuse for attacking your husband.

It sounds as though tensions were building, as you came across as turning your nose up at the food etc.

Then when alcohol gets involved, things can get to boiling point.

If he got to that point he should've gone home instead of attacking your husband.

You know what, I really tried not to 'turn my nose up at the food.' But I don't deny I was really shocked when they showed it to us so it may have shown on my face. But we didn't say anything negative about it. Thanked them for getting it. And quietly slipped off to get some breakfast in the morning. We didn't make a fuss about it at all.

And yes, I agree for some people adding alcohol into the mix when we were obviously annoying them was a recipe for disaster. We were only having a few drinks before dinner, but the man was obviously very drunk.

OP posts:
supercalafragilisticexpealidocious · 28/06/2024 18:06

They sound horrendous. You were entirely in the right and I would also have been pissed off to contribute money to food only to arrive and find it was crap. They sound socially very strange. Don't think any more of it.

OnePearlDreamer · 28/06/2024 18:10

Riversideandrelax · 28/06/2024 17:53

There was a local shop so more alcohol could have been bought if necessary. I don't think they were fussy looking at the food they got and the spirit was nothing special. The woman was enjoying sharing my nice bottle of wine, though! But as I say if you don't want to share them make it clear. In your situation I'd have bought a couple of bottles so I'd have something to share. But obviously we're all different. But sharing has always been the norm for our group.

Yeah I am not that keen on subsidising other peoples large alcohol consumption.