To expect to share alcohol?

[Riversideandrelax]

We went on an adult only trip to to celebrate a big birthday of a friend. It was a large group and we were divided into different holiday homes. We were sharing with one couple who are mutual friends of ours and one couple who we'd met a few times before but are not friends of ours.

Before we went this couple suggested we all put a bit of money in and they'd get some basic ingredients for breakfast/snacks for the holiday home. We agreed as did the friends of ours.

When we arrived they showed us what they'd bought. It was lots of 'basics' type things like cheap white bread, biscuits, crisps, squash, margarine, baked beans, instant coffee, sugary cereal, lots of sausages and bacon (I'm vegetarian.) This is not the type of food I normally eat but after a moment just thought I obviously had different expectations but as nothing was specified I'll have to put it down to experience. So we didn't say anything negative about the food - just got on with it.

We'd all brought some alcohol with us. Myself and the friends of ours said to everybody else 'please help yourself.' We'd brought a bottle of champagne, some wine and beers. Our friends had bought similar. The other couple bought a bottle of spirits. I realise now they'd not suggested that it was to be shared. I'd also brought some nice nibbles to share - crisps, olives, bread sticks.

On the first proper night (had arrived late on the first day) we were all sat in the lounge having some drinks and the nibbles I'd brought. I'd opened one of our bottles of wine and myself and the 2 other women were drinking that. The men all had some of the spirit. Anyway the evening went on and the men were a bit drunk. The man who brought the bottle of spirits started a physical fight with my DP because he'd helped himself to the spirit. It all came out. About how they'd offered us a cup of tea but we'd not reciprocated - we didn't ever have a tea as we don't like the cheap tea bags. We should have made them breakfast to thank them for getting the shopping.

I realised the whole thing about us paying for this shopping was essentially because they couldn't bare to share anything.

My DP didn't retaliate but left the holiday home to go for a walk to let things calm down. When he got back we packed our things and left.

I think the moral is not to go on holiday with people you don't know well. We are the type of people that share everything. They'd been counting every time my partner had some of their alcohol. They also eat very differently to us, which is fine, I'd just not realised. But perhaps they should have checked as they wanted to do it this way.

I think OP is coming across a bit superior - ‘oh I wouldn’t normally eat that kind of food’, ‘nice nibbles like crisps, olives and breadsticks’, ‘in my group we do it this way’.

it isn’t showing much grace or understanding for people maybe coming from a different economic background to her or that people not in her friendship group are not bound by her normal friendship group. Maybe they didn’t want to be seen as too ‘wasteful’ with someone else’s money either.

That said, I do wonder if the man of the other couple is prone to heavy drinking and violence. I would check in with the wife if you had been getting on with her before the fight as there could be more going on there.

I’d have burst into tears at that shit ‘breakfast’ so don’t worry about your ‘shocked face’ op!

What the actual fuck, are you serious?

You would have burst into tears over some breakfast items??

To be honest I think your DH may have been a bit out of line, but there was no excuse for the row that followed or their reaction.

I'm assuming you offered to share your bottle of wine? They didn't just go and help themselves to it?

If you DH just assumed that he could have some of their spirit because you offered to share your wine and he kept drinking it I'd be a bit miffed with him too. I would never just start drinking something that didn't belong to me, or that I hadn't bought, it is rude.

This is one thread where I'd love to hear the other couple's version of events.

Plus even the OP doesn't know what was said among the men when they were getting drunk.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying the guy was right to clump the OP's husband.

But I do wonder why the other couple didn't insist they guy left instead of OP and her DH.

Was it an expensive bottle of spirit and you bought cheap wine?

You're coming across as really obtuse.
If the couple don't want to share all they had to do was say so.
But the woman was happily drinking the ops wine.
You can't have it both ways.
It was up to the violent couple to tell the others don't touch my alcohol.

You keep saying things like “within this friendship group we share” “in our group” etc. but you weren’t in “your group”, you were with one couple you usually socialise with and one you don’t. It’s coming across as very mean girls, superior and exclusionary which makes me wonder if there’s more to this.

I think the man was the violent one, not the woman?

That acquaintance couple sound pretty low rent. You & your DH did nothing wrong.

I believe the man offered my DP a glass. But then DP helped himself to a second glass. I find it odd that you would help yourself to other people's alcohol but not want them to help themselves to yours.

And this was not an expensive spirit. What we and the other couple had brought was expensive (because we were on holiday and celebrating.) So if anything we had more right to be annoyed that they were happy to have everyone else's expensive alcohol but couldn't even share a bit of cheap vodka!!

No, my DP's not like that. He does karate so would have flattened him if he'd retaliated. Obviously he defended himself but this guy was so drunk DP would not feel right laying into him. And we didn't wait til the morning.

The other men don't drink a lot. But if it was really such a massive problem then having a few glasses then yes, we could have bought some more.

It wasn't because it was white bread and crisps. It was the cheapest white bread available. The cheapest crisps available. We'd given them money to buy this. It wasn't the type of food you'd expect for an adult weekend celebration. More like a toddler's party maybe. Maybe I'm wrong and this is what other people would expect. But I've never come across this before.

But as I say we still paid for it, thanked them, made no comment on it. But, I'm sorry, I just don't eat like that and was hardly going to start on a nice weekend away.

Whether you share alcohol or not isn't relevant, I don't tend to with DB and SIL because they like sweets drinks, fruit cider or alcopops , SIL once offered me candy floss flavoured gin with cream soda, I like dry white wine , but in those situations if offered I just say no thanks I'll stick with what I've brought I'm a bit fussy with drinks!

The big issue here is that the man physically attacked your partner!!

Thank goodness that man did ‘share’ his alcohol! Sounds like he had enough to drink anyway. How silly of him, all he had to say was a) This is mine, get your own or b) Who’s getting the next bottle when this one’s done?! Simple!

Good you got out of there. Leave him and his precious vodka to it. Have you heard from your other friends today? Does the bloke feel like a petty twat for starting a physical fight over a bloody bottle of vodka?

What attitude though? What did we do that was wrong? We acted the same way as the other couple. The man obviously got very drunk. And maybe he had an inferiority complex. All I can say is we tried not to offend with regards to the food. And we made a mistake.

I really don't think I came across like that anymore than anyone else there. We deliberately didn't make any kind of fuss about the food. We had no idea they expected us to make them breakfast or offer them cups of tea. I think they were very upright.

I'd think I was superior to someone who got smashed on vodka and tried to fight someone too

Why do you think he tried to batter your husband then?

And what did the other couple say once your husband sobered up and came to collect the car?

OP, you’ve picked up some weird responses on this thread, presumably from people offended on behalf of crisps and baked beans.

I think in hindsight we expected things to be the same as they always are in this group of friends. Everyone expects everyone to help themselves. We don't stand on ceremony with each other and just have a nice relaxed time. But we made the mistake of not realising this couple like to do things differently and we should have been more aware of that.

That's how we felt.

Very weird. If the couples all contributed an amount and the food clearly didn’t reflect the total money collected, they’ve obviously pocketed the money (or bought vodka with it!).

Yet, the OP still didn’t make a big deal.

Obviously groups of people from very different economic / social backgrounds.

I feel a bit sad reading it.

The fact that you looked visibly "shocked" at the cheap bread and crisps they'd bought won't have made them feel good. And they will have noticed that you'd snuck out for breakfast rather than eat the food they'd bought.

(Also, it sounds like you didn't tell them you are vegetarian, is that right?)

Two sides to every story, but I'm willing to bet they picked up on your snobby attitude and emotions were running high due to that.

But going forward I don't think this couple would be invited again

Have you spoken to any of the friends since you both walked out that night? What was said?

Even if op had a snobby attitude that doesn't excuse the other man for attacking the ops partner.
It's almost like you're saying they deserved it or something.