To expect to share alcohol?

[Riversideandrelax]

We went on an adult only trip to to celebrate a big birthday of a friend. It was a large group and we were divided into different holiday homes. We were sharing with one couple who are mutual friends of ours and one couple who we'd met a few times before but are not friends of ours.

Before we went this couple suggested we all put a bit of money in and they'd get some basic ingredients for breakfast/snacks for the holiday home. We agreed as did the friends of ours.

When we arrived they showed us what they'd bought. It was lots of 'basics' type things like cheap white bread, biscuits, crisps, squash, margarine, baked beans, instant coffee, sugary cereal, lots of sausages and bacon (I'm vegetarian.) This is not the type of food I normally eat but after a moment just thought I obviously had different expectations but as nothing was specified I'll have to put it down to experience. So we didn't say anything negative about the food - just got on with it.

We'd all brought some alcohol with us. Myself and the friends of ours said to everybody else 'please help yourself.' We'd brought a bottle of champagne, some wine and beers. Our friends had bought similar. The other couple bought a bottle of spirits. I realise now they'd not suggested that it was to be shared. I'd also brought some nice nibbles to share - crisps, olives, bread sticks.

On the first proper night (had arrived late on the first day) we were all sat in the lounge having some drinks and the nibbles I'd brought. I'd opened one of our bottles of wine and myself and the 2 other women were drinking that. The men all had some of the spirit. Anyway the evening went on and the men were a bit drunk. The man who brought the bottle of spirits started a physical fight with my DP because he'd helped himself to the spirit. It all came out. About how they'd offered us a cup of tea but we'd not reciprocated - we didn't ever have a tea as we don't like the cheap tea bags. We should have made them breakfast to thank them for getting the shopping.

I realised the whole thing about us paying for this shopping was essentially because they couldn't bare to share anything.

My DP didn't retaliate but left the holiday home to go for a walk to let things calm down. When he got back we packed our things and left.

I think the moral is not to go on holiday with people you don't know well. We are the type of people that share everything. They'd been counting every time my partner had some of their alcohol. They also eat very differently to us, which is fine, I'd just not realised. But perhaps they should have checked as they wanted to do it this way.

He likes beer too. He had some of the other couples. But I suppose I didn't realise he needed the whole bottle of vodka to himself for a pre-dinner drink. As I said if he was so desperate for more vodka we would have bought him another bottle.

I didn't mention champagne as if I was generous, just that we'd brought a variety of drinks to share. It wasn't like we'd brought nothing and everyone was just drinking the acquaintance couple's vodka. And as I said the woman was happy to drink the wine. I don't think they were so short of the only drink they liked that it was a problem for the other 2 men to have a few glasses.

This.
Plus, once you are out of the toddler stage it is really idiotic to physically attack people.
I would involve the police tbh.
Normal adults woyld say something along the line of "sorry but I will have to put xy drink away,I cannot drink anything else and don't want to stay sober looking at all of you having fun!"

We never have alcohol at home and only drink on special occasions. I only drink small glasses. I find it interesting you think a couple of glasses of wine is 'heavy drinking' yet you admit you'd want a whole bottle of wine to yourself and claim you don't drink much!!

As I said we bought the alcohol to share so obviously wasn't just for us. Whatever is not drunk can also be taken home. We took a bottle of champagne, a bottle of white and a pack of beers - 8 maybe? The other couple brought similar but rose wine. There was a big group of us and we wanted to toast the friend whose birthday it was. It would have only been one glass each.

I was well within my alcohol units as recommended by the NHS so don't really think I can be described as a heavy drinker.

Yes, I see it was silly now.

And thank you, yes it was horrible.

This couple sound like tight killjoy cheapskates, and know you weren’t wromg to assume they would share cheap vodka when they were happily tucking into your stuff! If they had said no thanks we will stick to what we brought you might have gathered they were of a different view, but them taking yours happily would give the impression sharing was all good! What a nasty piece of work to punch your dh as well. And I would be equally horrified if I’d pitched in for breakfast and they’d shopped like that!

Look, you've obviously made all sorts of assumptions about me. I don't have a lot of money. I don't know all the ins and outs of the couple's money, of course. I know they have a bigger house than us and are mortgage free so I don't think they are struggling. But I can't see what there is to be het up about a couple of guys having a bit of your vodka. You still had plenty. It was just a weekend. Even if you couldn't afford to replace it. Was having a few glasses less of vodka so important as to ruin everyone's weekend (to a greater and lesser extent.) And clearly you'll not be invited again.

Me too. I find it pathetic, tbh. And why when now they'll get invited to anything again, they ruined the weekend all over a bit of vodka and we'd not made them breakfast and a cup of tea because we aren't mind readers.

I'm glad it's not just me! I'm really not saying it's not fine if that's what people enjoy. We just don't and I just was not expecting it! They are just very different to us.

They were gutted and actually felt terribly guilty as they'd invited the couple. I left the bottle of champagne with our friends in the house so they could still toast the birthday friend and knew we were thinking of them. They won't be inviting that couple anywhere again, tbh.

I would find it really hard to get along with someone who made a scene over a glass of Oyster Bay, tbh. But I suppose we are friends as we think similarly!

I will definitely remember in future to never make assumptions about someone you don't know so well.

You aren't big drinkers
And you brought wine and beer....but OH still had more than one vodka before dinner?
Who drinks vodka before dinner?

If someone offered me a glass of wine, a beer or a vodka I wouldn't just help myself to a second...I would ask.
It would be different if I had a bottle of wine and said to a friend would you like to share the wine...then she can help herself (but most people try to keep it even)

I will take that on board. I really don't want to seem superior. I'm just into healthy food so I don't eat that kind of thing and I suppose when you are in a group when you are all similar I suppose you tend to think that is normal.

I am autistic too so I do have to work hard at this. It isn't always so obvious to me. But the thing is my DP is from a different economic background to me and we get on fine. And while that may be their background I'm pretty sure they have more money than us.

And I don't know what you mean by not being wasteful. They brought a tonne of stuff that we couldn't have hoped to eat over the weekend even if we were all tucking in to it. If they'd bought nicer things we would have used it up.

I'm not sure how frequently he is violent but I have heard since this isn't the first time. And yes, I'll make sure someone checks in with the wife. She was very upset at the thought of losing us as friends. Almost desperate.

Yes, I think now we know not to help yourself with someone outside of the friendship group as they may do thinks differently.

Yes, us and our friends made it clear that everyone could help themselves to our things - it was all to share.

DP was offered a glass of the vodka but then took some more without asking. We didn't think it was rude just because we are used to everyone sharing. But obviously this couple did. It was a shame they couldn't just say something.

Please don’t listen to the people calling you snobby or superior op. I live in a working class deprived area but most of the people I know would turn their nose up at cheap as shit basic stuff brought to a communal event where people had chipped in.

Even if you eat Asda Smartprice at home all the time, nobody with half a brain brings that to a party. Especially with other people’s money. And other people you don’t know well. That’s just tightwad CFers who are thick and don’t have any social graces.

It was because he was wasted. And we didn't want to cause a scene so just left quietly.

But noone will invite them to anything again.

I think the other couple felt they done us all a big favour buying the shopping and that we should have been running around them a bit. They possibly thought that justified them sharing our things but us not sharing there's but just a guess, really.

No, it was cheap spirit and we bought reasonably expensive wine.

It was definitely a lack of communication. But they did seem to want it both ways.

YANBU. If you like someone enough to go on holiday with them (even people you don't know that well), the social norm is that you like them enough to share with them and the group. Surely even toddlers know that?? Even from a purely practical note, it's impossible to make everything completely "fair", eg) everyone having exactly a 6th of the resources, in this case. The obvious exception being if one person is visibly contributing nothing at all and are just freeloading. But in what you are describing, you are not unreasonable at all - they are definitely the ones acting in an extremely odd and unpleasant way. You would have thought if they felt that strongly, they would have stayed somewhere just the two of them? Where they could keep their precious vodka and margarine safely under lock and key 😂

Burst into tears? It was bog standard bacon, sausages, baked beans and toast, not a baby unicorn!

I'm really sorry if I'm coming across like that. I'm just saying 'in our group' to explain why we made the assumption we did.

As I said we did try hard to include them - hence why they were invited. When the food was different to expected we still thanked them and said nothing. We weren't all slagging them off or saying their food was crap.

We were treating them as part of the group hence falling into the trap of not realising they like to do things differently.

It does sound as if you might have come across as looking down on the food they'd brought. You've mentioned it quite a lot here. However, I think you were right to leave. Poor communication, unnecessary aggression and lessons learned (as you say) about going away with other people.

Candy floss gin with cream soda - sounds very interesting! Not my thing really either!

People like this deserve to be excluded.

I do really hope the OPs friends do the right thing and drop the couple who were do rude and nasty (and violent).

It was last weekend. And yes, hope he enjoys not sharing his vodka as he'll not have anyone to share it with!

And no, he wasn't remorseful. Thought he was completely in the right. I think his wife was quite embarrassed, though.

It sounds as if this guy had too much spirits if he then physically attacked your DH.

Well, apparently because my partner had some of his vodka without asking and we didn't offer them cups of tea or make them breakfast.

Just to be clear I don't mean we were making ourselves tea or anyone else and left them out. We didn't make any tea and we didn't make any breakfast either.

We didn't speak to anyone when we came and got the car. It was early so we didn't want to disturb anyone. My friend did come to the hotel that evening with a sort of care package for us which was very sweet.