To expect to share alcohol?

[Riversideandrelax]

We went on an adult only trip to to celebrate a big birthday of a friend. It was a large group and we were divided into different holiday homes. We were sharing with one couple who are mutual friends of ours and one couple who we'd met a few times before but are not friends of ours.

Before we went this couple suggested we all put a bit of money in and they'd get some basic ingredients for breakfast/snacks for the holiday home. We agreed as did the friends of ours.

When we arrived they showed us what they'd bought. It was lots of 'basics' type things like cheap white bread, biscuits, crisps, squash, margarine, baked beans, instant coffee, sugary cereal, lots of sausages and bacon (I'm vegetarian.) This is not the type of food I normally eat but after a moment just thought I obviously had different expectations but as nothing was specified I'll have to put it down to experience. So we didn't say anything negative about the food - just got on with it.

We'd all brought some alcohol with us. Myself and the friends of ours said to everybody else 'please help yourself.' We'd brought a bottle of champagne, some wine and beers. Our friends had bought similar. The other couple bought a bottle of spirits. I realise now they'd not suggested that it was to be shared. I'd also brought some nice nibbles to share - crisps, olives, bread sticks.

On the first proper night (had arrived late on the first day) we were all sat in the lounge having some drinks and the nibbles I'd brought. I'd opened one of our bottles of wine and myself and the 2 other women were drinking that. The men all had some of the spirit. Anyway the evening went on and the men were a bit drunk. The man who brought the bottle of spirits started a physical fight with my DP because he'd helped himself to the spirit. It all came out. About how they'd offered us a cup of tea but we'd not reciprocated - we didn't ever have a tea as we don't like the cheap tea bags. We should have made them breakfast to thank them for getting the shopping.

I realised the whole thing about us paying for this shopping was essentially because they couldn't bare to share anything.

My DP didn't retaliate but left the holiday home to go for a walk to let things calm down. When he got back we packed our things and left.

I think the moral is not to go on holiday with people you don't know well. We are the type of people that share everything. They'd been counting every time my partner had some of their alcohol. They also eat very differently to us, which is fine, I'd just not realised. But perhaps they should have checked as they wanted to do it this way.

It's easy to accuse other people of being somewhat unpleasant when they go around punching people.

The op said the hosts were on her side, the partying stopped when the yob punched OPs dh and it was all a bit of a mess.

If you tried reading you'd know it was the opposite.

I didn't want to offend but I just couldn't have eaten it!

And SIX packets of bacon for 2 meals for 6 people? When one of those people is vegetarian? So for breakfast 5 of them would have eaten over a packet each of bacon? That’s what 8 slices each per breakfast?

That couple were either stupid or - well, thick.

I have read most of this thread, may have missed the odd post, and I must say it strikes me as strange over all, and the weirdest thing is how many of the posts focus on the nature of the food, what type of bread and coffee it was etc.....

THIS MAN PHYSICALLY ATTACKED OP'S PARTNER!!!!

I assume he wasn't badly hurt, or OP would have mentioned it, but fuck me, being attacked by people you have gone on holiday with is SERIOUSLY fucking extreme! (And I don't come from an especially sheltered background, believe me).

The fact they bought food OP doesn't like - inevitable when people are shopping with people they don't know. The failure to share alcohol - happens....

But punching your husband??? He"s lucky your husband didn't call the cops. And I am frankly AMAZED that he was still welcome at the birthday meal after this attack - I'd be very unhappy if my friends continued to socialise with somebody who had done this. Do they understand the extent of it, and that it was entirely unprovoked?

Well, the short answer is that at least one of them is completely bonkers & has hugely mismatched the shop to the occasion.

That list of food is one that I'd unashamedly have bought for a huge, multi family camping weekend back when my kids were small - my group of friends used to cheerfully cater for the ravenous under 10 early rising masses like this.

Then we'd individually buy nicer stuff, but yes, one family would volunteer to do the big cheap supermarket shop (& be let off a morning breakfast cook in exchange).

I think they fucked up the shopping, ie 6 relatively sophisticated adults in a holiday let =/= 20 hungry camping gremlins. They're maybe just not terribly bright.

Then realised from your reaction & your buggering off to get a cafe breakfast that you were unimpressed, were embarrassed, & festered until the booze came out.

I'd be concerned about the woman tbh. Sounds like she's married to an aggressive arse.

What a strange post.

OP why wasn’t a discussion had beforehand about what food was being ordered? Whenever I’ve gone away as part of a group, any food orders are made with each person’s input (or at least, approval of what to buy). Why didn’t this happen? I just find it really hard to believe that you didn’t think to check what they were going to buy.

Sharing alcohol is unusual in my group of friends, most people don’t do this. I’m unsure as to why you’d assume that this would need to be stated outright.

I think there’s a lot of detail that’s been conveniently left out of this story in order to paint the other couple in a negative light.

It doesn't matter how many times you have said "I didn't want to offend" "I didn't want to appear snobby", you then follow it up by reiterating your snobbery.

I presume this was one weekend ? You could have just sucked it up. Honestly, you aren't coming across well here.

Obviously there is no excuse for someone to "start a physical fight", of course there isn't. Everyone on the thread agrees with that, but how strange for you to then leave. Surely the other couple would have backed you saying to them "I think you should leave in the morning" rather than you scuttling away in the night.

I too, would like to hear the two other versions of what happened - one from the couple who you approve of and one from the couple who you clearly think are beneath you.

OP I think you are not unreasonable to have assumed for £90 kitty that you'd be getting some nice brekker and the quantities of food they bought was frankly ridiculous. Especially as they knew one of the party was vegetarian so why so many sausages and bacon?

And all these people who are criticising you for being snobbish ... I don't think they'd also have thought by contributing £30 to a £90 kitty that they'd be getting enormous volumes of cheap ingredients.

For sure, some people don't care about what brand bacon and sausages and what sort of eggs. And that's fine, but then don't ask for a £30 contribution for a couple of fry ups. So I think this couple were honestly really CF to have asked for so much money.

And yes all of this pales compared to the actual incident itself !

I literally have no words.
The ops husband was assaulted and you think op left out details to paint the other couple in a bad light.
Seriously

What an unpleasant and rather judgy post

Why wouldn't someone be irked to pay a considerable food for inedible food, perfectly entitled to that and why wouldn't they leave if someone became violent, sounds rather sensible

Again, why is everybody talking about the bread?

"These people bought me cheap bread. Then they attacked my husband."

And nearly everybody focuses on the bread?

(To be fair, I am rather surprised that OP even mentioned the bread. I can only suppose it was to give context as to how the dispute started. But it really is of no relevance who would or wouldn't be happy with the bread (and the biscuits, crisps etc) compared to the fact that somebody physically attacked her husband).

No doubt because one of the arseholes started a physical fight.

Would you stay after that?

If PPs would actually read @Riversideandrelax ‘s posts, they’d see that the OP says (upthread) that she’s knows she’s not unreasonable about the attack on her husband. That’s not what she’s asking for other opinions about!

She’s asking about the sharing of food and in particular of wine and vodka.

And she’s not unreasonable about that, either. The other couple sound, at best, weird, and at worst, cheap grifters. Spending £90 on crap food - and sliced white bread, instant coffee, and shop-bought fairy cakes are - objectively - crap.

I don’t know why some PPs are intent on putting the boot into the OP. She sounds as though he and her DH are polite and non-confrontational - hence leaving the company of the nasty couple as quietly as they could.

I can't believe the hard time you are getting here, OP! THey behaved appallingly, he attacked your DP and posters here are basically victim blaming you, as if you deserved it for being "snobbish" about white bread and baked beans! (subtext: you think you are better than working class people - the only people who obviously like white bread - therefore you deserve being beaten up).
I hope you never have to see them again!

We just didn't want to ruin the weekend for birthday friend any more than it already had been.

I asked my friend exactly what happened the next day. They all went out before the couple appeared. They'd left (with the food!) before they got back. So I think they got the message by that point.

Yes, it was a mistake. If anyone else in the group had done the shop there would have been no discussion needed. I suppose we're all on the same wavelength and different realise this couple weren't.

As for sharing alcohol completely normal for us. I don't know anyone that wouldn't do this. And according to this thread most people do share.

So if everyone is happily sharing including this couple, you're conclusion would be that actually this couple don't want to share even though they've said nothing? I find that very odd. Surely as the odd couple out the onus was on them to specify that they didn't want to share their alcohol (but wanted to share other people's!)

What detail is being 'conveniently left out'?

No, I couldn't have sucked it up. As I've said I'm autistic. I would not have been able to eat that food.

Many, many people have said they would have done the exact same thing. And I wasn't about to stay with these people until the next morning. No way. We didn't 'scuttle' away. We chose to leave.

I think I've made clear where the other couple were coming from. As to them telling them yourself, well that's unlikely to happen isn't it? You either accept the information I've given and answer based on that or really your post is worthless.

So if you'd contributed £30 for 2 breakfasts, you'd have just sucked up the poor quality? Really?

I honestly think they were planning on lots of leftovers to take home with them. Because yes, I agree, the quantities were ridiculous!

For most people I think they would assume with £90 for the shop it would not have just been made up of 'value' items.

Yes, completely normal to me and most who have posted on this thread.

If we'd not walked away, god knows what violence would have ensued from this man.

As I already said the fact the man attacked my DP is not up for debate as to if that is unreasonable. Everyone knows it is, it doesn't need saying.

The AIBU is about the food/sharing etc.

Yes, thank you, exactly that.

My DP is working class!

I hope we never see them again too! Certainly won't if we can help it!