Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

[Madnessinblue]

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

Absolutely - the trust lecture is a little trick often used by controllers, called DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reversing Victim and Offender. Making you out to be the bad guy, saying this is your fault bla bla bla.

He's checked out. You're hanging on by a thread, probably while he cultivates whoever he's involved with now. He hopes you'll chop it off yourself. So he doesn't look like the bad guy.

Or he hopes to keep you meekly in reserve in case it doesn't work out, or he fancies some pick n mix.

Get some self respect and assertiveness going. No games, no ghosting. Just tell him this is not the relationship for you and you're not interested in continuing with it as it does not bring you what you need. Let it go.

You will feel so much better when you're no longer dangling on his string.

Or means they are happy to string along those aspects of the relationship that don’t involve spending time together or spending money on time with you ( apart, perhaps from a box of contraceptives 😤😒). Move on OP and good luck.

Harsh reality, I am so so sorry but he’s blatantly with another woman. He’s checked out of your relationship. Totally sucks and I really feel for you.

I have seen your updates and agree it seems to be over. I also don’t believe this is a male friend. This must be quite difficult for you to process 😢

I don’t want to upset you but if this does suggest he’s either having issues with depression - can make you do unusual things. Or he’s doubting your relationship.

There is no trust if you are check up on everything he tells you and then finding contradictions in what he is saying. Don't give him the oxygen - better to send a brief check out and block. Despite the length of it, It doesn't really sound like this relationship was ever really going anywhere.

What happened OP? I wouldn't trust his either, your doing well following your gut x

Please cut your losses now and find a man who will treat you better, this is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship of 3 years at all

Run

Hi op, sorry I’m late to the thread… how is everything going? I feel so awful for you xxx

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it.

I'd be reminding him of this. You're not a priority for him, sadly.

I think he's taking the piss get rid asap

Bin him.

He appears to want to have his cake and eat it.

Let him give you your pressie and hopefully take to somewhere nice on Monday. Tell him you understand about the pressures he's facing and you're going to give him time to get his head straight. Do not shag him.

Then leave and block him.

Dump his lying arse ( off a cliff)
your worth so much more

He's stringing you along until he finds The One. If you were the one he wanted for life he would prioritise you. It's a common and cruel scenario that men have a long-term girlfriend until they decide they want to get married. They ditch the practice-run and within a year have found someone else and are marrying them. Don't be the one before The One. Don't waste your precious time.

I hate to ask but ... erm ... what sex is his 'friend'?

Don't waste another second thinking about him. Make some fun plans and enjoy your freedom. Please don't feel sad either- you've had a lucky escape.

1. it is understandable that he wants to extend a work trip, to explore or relax in a new place.

2. it is strange that he doesn’t want to tell you when he will return.

3. yes, it is sad that he doesn’t want to take leave with you, but can when it suits him and it’s on his terms.

4. it sounds like he is stringing you along, but he’s checked out of the relationship.

he is in the wrong, for handling it this way.

It seems as though he's no longer interested in being with you. He makes a lot of excuses.

He wants you to be the adult and call time on relationship as then he won’t feel like the bad guy.

just stop calling him. Make plans yourself so if he calls then you can say you are busy. Book yourself a fabulous birthday with friends and don’t even tell him.

you deserve better than him.

He’s with someone else and he’s not interested I’m afraid as he is making it clear he isn’t committed and doesn’t have time for you. Yet he has time to hang out on an expensive trip with ‘an old friend’ you haven’t met. Also you don’t live together after 3 years. That’s unusual. Why is that?

This is the best advice. Do get a gift off him. Don't do what he wants and end it, just do a slow fade using his behaviour and playing it back to him. Be polite and unavailable. Book a nice trip for yourself.

Book a girls' trip! ✈️👯‍♀️ You don't live together, and by the sounds of it, you owe him nothing! 🙅‍♀️ See what kind of effort he puts in for your birthday. 🎂🎁 I hate to say this, but my ex did this to his ex-partner of 10 years and never went back to her. 💔 I asked him why, and he said he was bored and wanted to be single. 🙄 He was single for a year afterward; she never got any closure and did nothing wrong. 😞 It was all him being selfish. 😡 He married a year later and is happy as Larry now, and so is his ex. 🤷‍♀️ He isn't respecting you. 😤 Show him the same courtesy and go have a blast! 🎉 Life is way too short to waste on worry and wonder. ⌛️ I feel for you and wish you happiness and strength! 💪❤️ #GirlsTrip #SelfLove #NoDrama

Get a grip time to say bye and get on with your life.

why do you think you put up with his crap?