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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

433 replies

Cadela · 27/06/2024 21:14

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

OP posts:
CassandraWebb · 27/06/2024 22:21

sleekcat · 27/06/2024 22:19

I have not seen that and especially not at age 7. I have been in classroom where children are asked to read aloud in turn from a class book and there are some that whizz through it and others that struggle with nearly every word. They probably feel self conscious of that too.

Show quote history

My daughter is dyslexic and as soon as her teacher suspected dyslexia she stopped asking her to read aloud in front of the class

CassandraWebb · 27/06/2024 22:23

bellocchild · 27/06/2024 22:18

I was a teacher, and I hated the whole atmosphere - and quite often the heat and noise of sports day as well. However, I realised that it was probably the one day on which the non-academic sporty children got to shine, and that it was good for them. It was still dreadfully boring, but it seemed fair.

But how come it has to be in front of parents, maths and spellings aren't performed in front of parents.

And some children are sporty and academic. Others are neither. It isn't a simple binary.

Ivyrosecrayon · 27/06/2024 22:27

Yeah there's a time to push things and a time to spare your child from trauma and humiliation...
YANBU.
I still have nightmares about cross country races I was forced to participate in.
It's not character building it just makes you an anxious adult.
And it took me a long time to find a sport or physical activity I could engage with after how horrific PE used to be at school.
If my child were crying about it night after night I would not make them do it.

Samthedog71717 · 27/06/2024 22:27

Cadela · 27/06/2024 21:23

But the hard stuff we HAVE to do we do, like the dentist and doing a performance in assembly.

I don’t know why forcing Dd to perform sports (which she hates! Give her a maths problem any day) is going to benefit her in any way?

Show quote history

I think we have to teach children to do hard things. Think of the kids in class who are less academic and are good at sports, they don't get to skive off because they don't like are not so good at maths.

Smarshian · 27/06/2024 22:28

Keep her off.
i HATED sports day as a kid. One year mum kept me off and we had a lovely time.
I now pay to run in races and am part of a netball team. That type of atmosphere caused me so much anxiety. I was so grateful I didn’t have to get involved. If a child is so anxious they are crying regularly then maybe you should relieve that rather than force her through it.
if school can accommodate a special job (our school let my friends DD hand out stickers to the kids) then great. If not, keep her off.

Berlinlover · 27/06/2024 22:28

I think it’s a terrible idea to keep her at home. How will she ever cope in the real world?

Tagyoureit · 27/06/2024 22:28

If she's 7 and worried about looking silly in front of the Y6 specifically, I'd be wondering why.
Silly overall, maybe but why the Y6, they're gone in a month, probably not to be seen again and I doubt very much they'll care about or remember your DD so what's going on there?

Also, I don't think letting her skive off teaches her to be resilient. You will still be an adult when she is, say, 25 and doesn't want to go to work because her boss has asked her to do a presentation and she's worried about looking silly in front of clients. What then?

fashionqueen0123 · 27/06/2024 22:32

Why does she think older children will think she’s silly? Does she usually have a confidence crisis? Usually the oldest kids in my experience are really good with the little ones and think they’re cute! I’d get her to do it. It sounds like they move on from each sport quickly so not spending long on anything she doesn’t like.

BESTAUNTB · 27/06/2024 22:33

Is she being regularly teased by a group of Y6 children? It seems like an odd and specific thing to say, that’s all.

TemporalMechanic · 27/06/2024 22:34

YANBU. Not participating in sports day will have zero negative effect on her future life.

Children who are good at maths get to do well in maths lessons. Children who are good at sport get to do well in PE lessons. A child who struggles with either shouldn't be forced to do it in front of an audience of parents and their whole year group (or possibly whole school)

I have a physical disability and sports day was horrific for me. Skived it in secondary school every time, don't regret it. Sometimes there are things in life we have to do, but this isn't one of them. Nothing is lost by not attending.

GingerPirate · 27/06/2024 22:36

Look, don't force your kid to do sports, if she is that stressed about it at that age.
I was born in a Communist country, the "Army"
we had to go through every day as kids to survive wouldn't pass today.
I'm 45, know about my female class mates having huge problems now, some in MH institutions, male mates violent bullies in prison.
I give this to you as an extreme comparison, how suppressed stress and fear can damage us into adulthood.
No need to force your kid nowadays.

ichbrauchenichts99 · 27/06/2024 22:38

Berlinlover · 27/06/2024 22:28

I think it’s a terrible idea to keep her at home. How will she ever cope in the real world?

In the real world lots of school kids don't go to Sports Day.

ASportsMum · 27/06/2024 22:41

If she is 7, the Uk government stats calculator gives her projected average life expectancy of living to 90. That is 90 x 365 x 24 hours ie. 788,400 hours. Tomorrow's school day will be about 6 hours long and the sports 'day' only a fraction of that.

Of course, allow her to have the day at home since she's feeling so stressed and you have the flexibility to look after her. She might be super-keen next year. Children need to enjoy physical activity not be put off it - and she stands a much better chance of reaching a healthy old age if she hasn't been put off being active and/or doing sports.

Nat6999 · 27/06/2024 22:43

I always tried to book hospital or dental appointments for sports day, ds hated anything like that.

Countessmaladjusted · 27/06/2024 22:44

Sports day after yr7 was shit. Hours sitting on a field, with one or 2 events.

Sports day as a teacher is shit. Hours of crowd control of bored kids. No one knows which event is really up. No one really cares, unless it's a popular kid who's good at running; then they all watch. They all try and get their phones out. They encroach into the track. They try to mix forms. They cock about.

Countessmaladjusted · 27/06/2024 22:44

And don't the sporty kids get the glory all year round with the team events they're all in?

Littlejacksmummy · 27/06/2024 22:51

My little boy just finished his first year without a single day off. Loved sports day.

If he ever got upset like Ur little one, I'd keep him off without a second thought and take him to the cinema or something nice. His happiness is paramount. There's plenty more.lessons to be learnt in life.

Topseyt123 · 27/06/2024 22:55

Sports days were always rituals in abject humiliation for me. They should be banned, or at least just optional.

I'd let her stay at home. I wished I had been allowed to as a child.

Putting · 27/06/2024 22:57

Berlinlover · 27/06/2024 22:28

I think it’s a terrible idea to keep her at home. How will she ever cope in the real world?

In the real (do you mean adult?) world she will get to choose what she does, or there will be an actual reason / incentive behind doing something she doesn’t want to do.

NauseousNancy · 27/06/2024 22:59

Sports day is torture for kids who aren’t sporty, I’d let her stay home.

There’s definitely things in life we need to do, and my kids know that. But it’s also an important lesson to learn that the not important things - it’s absolutely fine to not do these things if it makes you uncomfortable. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking they have to do things that make them uncomfortable just because they are ‘meant to’. I wouldn’t take part in a works sports day, so if my kids didn’t want to (they both like it) I wouldn’t make them.

Jadebanditchillipepper · 27/06/2024 22:59

So I'm very much on the side of not forcing any of my children to do anything that they really don't want to do (within reason - obviously things like the dentist are more important than sports day etc). I'll coax, cajole, offer to speak to the school etc etc, but I will never force them.

I am the one person (apart from their Dad) who they can trust and if I force them to do something they're not comfortable with, then that trust is broken.

Two of my children are ND so we have had quite a few issues with school refusal (My daughter currently doesn't do PE at all because she consistently refuses to go to school on PE days and myself and the school felt that it was better she was in for all of her other lessons than miss 3 days out of every 10 because of PE). I have found coaxing, sometimes offering to let them go in late or sometimes breaking things down into small steps - eg just get dressed - don't worry about anything beyond that has mostly been successful in getting them into school, and they still trust me.

So if your daughter is as upset/anxious as it sounds, then I wouldn't be making her go in for it. Maybe next year, you could discuss with the school in advance to see if there are adjustments they could put in place

CatherineofAmazon · 27/06/2024 22:59

I would keep her off. It sounds like it will be a really stressful day for her and you too because you will be worrying about her all day. Not worth it.

Pantaloons99 · 27/06/2024 23:05

I dislike sports day! My son did great this year and I still dislike it. Because some kids will just never be sporty or good at running. There's alot of emphasis upon running above anything else. If you aren't fast, you therefore have no chance. Many of these kids will have great strengths in other sporting activities.

I agree that you can't sweep on and fix everything. I agree with your sentiment tbh but my view is there will be so many more things you're going to have to do at school that you don't like.

I also don't think it's the end of the world if they skive either. She is only 7. I'd probably in this situation say yes to day off but it's a one off and we will find a way to ensure you make it next year.

Twolittleloves · 27/06/2024 23:07

EatTheGnome · 27/06/2024 21:24

I think you tell her DD that it's not up to you and if she's worried she needs to talk to the school. We don't need to solve all our kids problems for them.

I think at 7, that's unreasonable.

Ioverslept · 27/06/2024 23:09

Not sure why you are asking as you seem pretty determined and just like the answers that tell you to keep her off. I would raise it with the school. Sports day experiences can vary a lot depending how they school run it. I used to hate sport and suffer at PE lessons, always the lsst one to be picked for teams etc. BUT I used to enjoy Sports Day as we could have a go at things we never usually did such as weigh trowing, discus, javelin, just something different and it was quite fun. If she is so worried about older children watching maybe there are underlying issues so still worth talking to the school even if too late for sports Day...