To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

[Cadela]

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

This

Keep her home OP.

Let her take the day off, do something nice together. I don't see the value in making such a young child anxious over something as pointless as sports day when you're in a position to let her skip it.

DS has been to a couple but I've had no qualms letting him skip the others. He's proud of his good attendance otherwise.

This is my exact thinking. Dd never asks for days off, never pretends to be sick etc. But this has upset her so much the last couple of weeks that tonight at bedtime she was basically hysterical.

I want to wake her up tomorrow and say no sports day! And see her relaxed and happy.

I absolutely should have brought this up with the school but I downplayed it and kept saying it’s ok! I’ll be there it’ll be fun! When it’s been so stressful for her.

I voted you’re not being unreasonable. My daughter, age 9, had hers this week. She really wanted to skive off that day. Next year will be the same. If she starts crying I’ll be talking to the teacher. I just have to deal with this situation in as honest a way as possible. However, you’re the parent and the one dealing with the stress, so the ball is in your court. I empathise.

Loads of kids fret over sports day, she does it, she survives and she builds resilience. By letting her opt out you are confirming her belief that she can’t cope imo. She can and she will, she will just be temporarily uncomfortable. I know that sounds brutal, I was the fat kid, it was hard, I’m not haunted by it.

Maths is something that some kids struggle with and worry about looking silly in front of their peers...and they have to do it every day! Sports day is just one day.

Sorry but no that’s not being a parent! Solving all their problems for them, results in you raising a child who has no clue (or inclination) how to figure anything out for themselves or how to take responsibility for their actions. Allowing them to work SOME sticky situations out for themselves and take responsibility for small things, (appropriate for their age obvs like lunchbox or PE kit etc) teaches them how to take responsibility when they actually NEED to. It also teaches them much needed confidence.

I’m not talking about being a lazy, uninterested parent! I mean allowing them to realise from a young age that life means that we sometimes have to do things we don’t want to do! Rough with the smooth.

I was good at athletics and i hated sports day. If her attendance is good just keep her off

They don't have a special maths day, where everyone competes though, do they?

This is so true! The maths scores don't get posted all over the place for everyone to see. And sports day can be very loud and busy and hard work if you're not into it.

If she was constantly trying to get out of things, or if school were at least willing to accommodate her a little bit and encourage her, I'd send her in, but as a one-off I think I'd keep her home.

My DD is similar and just refused to run last time. The teacher got her to help with setting up the races, which she enjoyed. We'll try again next year.

There's a stomach bug doing the rounds, maybe she has it now.

This x 100

Tbh when it came to sports day I didn't make an excuse. I just phoned up and said they wouldn't be attending. That was generally the only day they had off all year so 🤷‍♀️

Do your dc not have PE every week in which their athletics ability is apparent to their peers? And yes your school is unreasonable to make the kids who are not good at maths perform once a year in front of all the parents. What about those who are bad at maths and sports?

Keep her off. I would dread sports day all year round as a child. I’m still angry about it now in my 50s. They should make it optional and allow other children to cheer, keep score, make daisy chains, serve squash etc. I think more children would like it if it wasn’t compulsory humiliation.

The problem is that OP has spent weeks telling her child it will be fine and now wants to swoop in in the morning to be the hero that says no sports day! This ought to have been addressed much sooner, as soon as it was apparent that her daughter had genuine anxiety about sports day so that teachers could consider how to address the school problem in school tome on a way that supports ops daughters confidence, such as special jobs.

The school have not been given the opportunity to address the problems.

For all we know teachers have spent time arranging children into groups, perhaps with great care so they are with friends or other kids with similar abilities and now it might need rejigging at the last minute.

OP talks about listening to her child and being a safe space but she's spent weeks brushing off her daughter concerns and now wants to swoop in and rescue her woth a surprise day off.

This has been really poorly handled.

I'm keeping one of mine off for sports day next week. He is overly anxious and worrying himself sick about it.
There's nothing whatsoever to be gained from forcing him do it when he hates it to the point of making himself ill.
My child, my choice. Go for it OP.

Honestly!

I am a lone parent, and I have raised my daughter alone from the second she was born. She’s a lovely kid and does struggle with confidence so I thought I’d try and build her up, I was being positive and trying to get her to be excited about sports day.

To read what you have just written is so fucking painful. I do everything I can for Dd and you have spent 30 seconds judging me and being pompous and righteous for what?

You have really poorly handled this.

Just let the poor girl stay home. What’s the point of making her do something she’ll hate? I don’t know what forcing her to participate achieves, except resentment from her towards you for making her do it? There are plenty of circumstances where getting on with it is required, but I don’t think this is one of them.

Really? Nothing?

Not the resilience? The lesson that we all have to do things we don't like/enjoy sometimes? The empathy to consider the children that are only really successful in PE so they have a day to feel successful? Team building? Cheering on classmates that aren't necessarily friends (kindness)? Sportsmanship? Perseverance? Healthy lifestyle/fitness? The pride of doing your best at something that's not your strength?

it’s a stranger on an online forum. They literally know nothing about you, please don’t let it affect you like that. I’m sure you are doing a fantastic job with your dd.

Is she overweight?

But they also have PE lessons where they have the same struggles. Just not as public as sports day. Just like the maths lessons aren't as public.

My DD has a few medical conditions that make running and walking long distances difficult for her and her school were well aware of this. They had one inter-school compulsory cross country day held at the school about a mile away. She came in last (unsurprisingly) but they'd already packed down the finish line and most of her school had already buggered off back to her own school and only one teacher was waiting for her. She was feeling proud she'd completed it until she saw what was (wasn't) waiting for her at the end.

I've let DD skip ever since.

Dd never asks for days off, never pretends to be sick etc. But this has upset her so much the last couple of weeks that tonight at bedtime she was basically hysterical.

If she has been upset for weeks about it then I would keep her off tbh. You will not achieve anything by sending her in. She might just refuse to do the whole thing.

Our sports day was today. My kids are y1 and y4 and haven't loved the idea of sports day approaching but they haven't been too bad. My y1 ended up enjoying it and had fun which was the main thing. My y4 however cried most of the way through it and hardly participated. If he gets upset in the build up to it next year I'm not going to make him do it. Fortunately our school are reasonable and don't force them to do things they really aren't up for.