To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

[Cadela]

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

Some children are humiliated at sports day, some of them are children with other challenges in life and they don't need the baying mob screaming "encouragement" at them. I can't imagine why children who are fine with sports day would give a damn about others missing the "fun" why would they?

Any parent or teacher allowing exclusion because someone missed sports day need to have a long hard think about their attitudes and behaviour.

I’ve told you how. Any public competitions in schools should be voluntary.

Not liking doing something isn’t the same as damaging. It is perfectly normal to have nerves and apprehension- it is a normal emotion in life that children need to learn to manage instead of it being labelled as ‘anxiety’ and a mental health issue. Sports days and standing up in front of the class prepare children for adult life. Regardless of whether they are neuro diverse or not they have to be able to function in the working world.

Your posts are truly ignorant and vile. They also are the complete opposite to what we were told by professionals working with our daughter.

That may be so. But I have worked with socially excluded teens for years and in my also professional experience children who are not set clear expectations, including in relation to following directives set by schools end up problematic as they get older. Most adults with mental health issues were already displaying symptoms by age 9- that is a fact.

I also am in no way ‘vile’- I just happen to have a different opinion to one you deem to be acceptable. Instead of opting children out of things they find hard they should be supported to do them and experience a sense of accomplishment.

If not attending sports day causes mental illness then sounds like we'd better stop doing sports day 👍🏻

Of course it doesn’t cause mental illness! My point is that it is ridiculous to say all these children can’t do a flipping sack race because it causes them to have anxiety!!
This nonsense of being allowed to opt out is what causes the long term issues!!!

I agree, of course it doesn't cause mental illness. So what was the relevance of whatever the hell you were going on about at 22:33?

I was saying that the long term impact of allowing children to opt out of things when they are young can be poor mental health in adults- as they don’t learn the skills to cope with things they find hard. And this more often or not begins in primary school. Essentially you have to nip things in the bud and not feed this attitude of ‘I can’t do that’.

So skipping sports day does cause mental illness?

If only my school had had more sports days. I attended every single one and still got bipolar disorder If only I'd had more opportunities to practise resilience in the face of public humiliation, I might have avoided years of medication, hospitalisations and therapy.

Telling children they don’t have to do things they find hard has a long term negative impact on children- particularly if it is a regular occurrence. Does it ‘cause’ mental illness- who knows- there are many things that lead to mental ill health but it certainly doesn’t help it and isn’t an approach I would be taking and I am sure not one the school would be encouraging.

Don’t see why not! Neither school I attended did sports day! What you don’t have, you don’t miss!

Your ignorance is astounding. You are not a psychiatrist, a clinical psychologist or an educational psychologist. I doubt very much if you’re even a therapist.

“Socially excluded teens” what the hell does that mean?

My daughter was set clear expectations and the clear expectations contributed to her illness- fact. She endured years of being made to go into school every single day even though she was struggling. She was never anllowed to opt out of anything and alongside other difficulties in schools that went unheard she endured years of PE lessons and sports days during which she was ridiculed, humiliated and shouted at. She masked her physical and mental pain thinking she had no choice and was trapped. Her self esteem plummeted and she ended up trying to take her own life and fighting severe mental illness. During all this yet again we didn’t listen to her and gave her no choice to opt out of treatment that wasn’t working. She now has diagnosed PTSD on top of several ND and diagnoses by NHS professionals that together with school experiences caused her mental struggles. We should have listened more, encouraged her to open up and say what was good for her, to let her know that being different is ok and you don’t have to fit in like a square peg in a round hole and that you do not need to drag yourself into situations that are making you miserable and crush your self esteem every single day.

She is now having treatment that suits her and is out of education. She is voicing what is best for her and what she can manage. She is doing so much better and making so much progress. She will do education her way and create a future that suits her.We’re beyond proud of her and the strength she has shown is ten times bigger than having no choice but to mask physical and mental pain during sensory overload, aching hypermobile joints and humiliation when coming last in every race in front of large crowds of roaring parents and the entire school community.

That was me 😭 I remember crying in bed the night before many sports days and also crying in bed because I was so worried about maths tests, not knowing my times tables etc.

school can feel brutal.

OP my mum never gave me the day off for sports day but she did sit with me and empathise with me and chat through my feelings. If it was me, I might feel inclined to give a day off because seeing your child so stressed is awful! The only thing I would say is my fear and dread of sports never really improved all the way up until I was in my thirties when I took up running and found out I loved it. Feeling so alienated from my body and fitness my whole life is a regret of mine now. Is there any way you can find something fitness or sporty that she might like to do? To encourage her to get to enjoy movement. SOD sports day it’s bollocks, but finding some way out of hating sport could help her.

This has already been outlined, lots of times.

There is no way you work with children and young people. That claim was always suspect because of the timing, and becomes more so every time you post.

Give her the day off, but also examine what the Pe lessons are like.

The problem with sports day is that it’s often competitions in activities that aren’t taught in school.

I absolutely do work with children and young people and I can assure you that many of them are struggling not because they are ‘neuro diverse’ but because of crap parenting for many years.

Many have attachment issues/ lack of boundaries/ routines, lack of outside play, poor behaviour management. Yes, some genuinely do have ASD or Adhd, for others it is a convenient label.

You are projecting what I saying onto a very different situation. Your child is clearly unwell and may well have been regardless of where she went to school.

Her not having any autonomy and being forced to mask with us doing what you are insisting parents should do regardless contributed to making her ill.

Unless you were part of the diagnosis process you have no right to judge anybody’s ND diagnosis. And you most definitely shouldn’t be working with ND children if you regard their diagnosis as a convenient label.

There is a huge difference between letting a child miss sports day once a year and bailing them out of everything. If my daughter was getting stressed about a test I’d support but ultimately she’d have to do the test because getting GCSE maths is pretty crucial for getting a lot of jobs. The sheer humiliation of sports day is not replicated in any other aspect of school life - or adult life come to think of it. My dd did PE every week even though she hated it and brought her to tears. Thankfully her school had a sports day that was able to reward excellence in sport but also offered a day of physical activity for those who struggled. If they hadn’t had this offering and went for the humiliation approach of my own school days I would have had no problem excusing her. One of the most important aspects in a child’s development is knowing they are loved, supported and listened to.

There are many children now who are being labelled as ‘neuro diverse’ without having any diagnosis. And they are not neuro diverse at all. It is over used terminology and not helping children in the long term. They are therefore not learning how to manage things they find hard. Parents rush in to solve problems for them when they absolutely should not.

If it was my daughter I'd send her in. She wouldn't view it as a one off - she'd expect the same next year if she didn't want to do it.

I'd also worry that by keeping her off I'd in essence be telling her she was right to be concerned about doing it. Wouldn't it be better to support her to do something she finds difficult and give her coping strategies than to help her avoid it?