To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

[Cadela]

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

”Those who can’t teach, teach PE.”

It was true in my day. I think things are better now, but there is still a certain type of PE teacher who went into PE because they were good at it, fawns all over the kids who are sporty (and who most likely are getting specialized, paid instruction outside of school already), does very little in the way of actual “teaching,” and has zero empathy with kids who are not physically talented.

It's the process of trying that is important.
By removing the medals and winners the school is already communicating that trying/participation is what's important, surely?

Why not let kids opt into the publicly competitive events, and have everyone else do fun non-competitive stuff?

We need to make exercise something that’s fun, not something that people have horrible associations with. The number of women I know who only got into exercise MUCH later in life, because they were basically traumatized by the humiliation of school PE and sports days….

Actually my dd maths teacher makes them 'go to the board' it's terrifying & has made my child feign illness to avoid as she hates maths & I don't believe she's very bad at them just being on the spot in front of everyone makes her feel sick & her brain freezes.

Still she doesn't get to opt out. However I did speak to the teacher & she doesn't 'pick' on her anymore so she not afraid to go to class.
Maybe talk to teachers how to get around it rather than avoid.

My dd absolutely should have opted out. We have had professionals tell us that. I’ve also had them comment on how many of the kids they deal with come from the grammar school my daughter went to. My dd should have been entitled to call the shots as regards overcoming her physical adversity but she had that taken from her and the toll that had on her contributed to her struggles. She is now learning not to mask and to do what suits her.

We skipped sports day .. We went holiday shopping 😬

The trope about kids not coping as adults if they aren't made to do sports day is in itself fantastically stupid. It has been trotted out and debunked probably a dozen times, and becomes dimmer with repetition. It's just a terrible and unpersuasive argument.

Your daughter clearly attends a school that obliges children to participate when they don't want to and that stigmatises them for not wanting to. Nothing you've said on this thread suggests you'd be capable of identifying how problematic this is, or any negative effects it has on DC.

As I said, parenting fail. There's a reason multiple posters were telling you how badly your anecdote reflects on you.

Well I respectfully disagree. I have experience first hand of a family member who is allowed to ‘opt out’ and it has done them zero favours other than make them more socially excluded and send a message that mum will sort everything out I don’t want to do as I might get upset.

this, it’s not sports day in particular, it’s bringing up kids eho

Fat fingers! It’s bringing up kids who think boring? Or hard? Or Stressful? I’ll opt out and mum will tell me I’m wonderful for making the decision to self care. It isn’t an attitude that goes down well with employers, or friends for that matter.

All that from missing sports day?! Nonsense. My 18 year old sports day skipper is basically the exact opposite of that. Top grades / extremely hard working / lots of friends/committed to her sport /thought well of at her Saturday job. Missing a few shit sports days mid primary does not seem to have done lasting damage!

I've got 4 adult children, two were sport mad, one was OK about it and one hated it. All have first class degrees, all have post grad qualifications, all are in good jobs, all in long term relationships, all own their own homes. The one who skipped sports day doesn't stand out from the other 3 in any way except they did some very challenging things during gap year/uni. They cope perfectly fine as an adult.

I'm retired now but was a senior HR manager, recruited numerous people over 40 years. I never once had the slightest interest in what they did on sports day.

Just imagine if the whole school plus parents were watching her at the board, imagine how she'd feel as they were shouting "encouragement" while she tried to work out the problem.

Hell on earth I'd say.

So you as a non professional who has the family experience of 1 are an expert and qualified to say what is best for young people. I think not.

I don’t have the experience of one- I have two, the other is very sporty so no issues with sports day- in fact they are neuro diverse and struggles academically but sports day is their chance to shine. I also work with children and young people! Loads who are out of control teenagers who had crappy parenting for numerous reasons but not being expected to engage in school is certainly problematic.

You shouldn’t be working with young people.

Professionals disagree with you so even though you have appointed yourself as an oracle on the subject you really are not qualified to say what’s best for struggling young people.

Did you say anything to her about such an unpleasant remark?

@Cadela I'm delighted you had a lovely day xx

Absolutely agree that children need to experience difficult and hard situations in life. They also need to know what it is like to win and lose. They also need to do some things they don’t like. All of these things can be experienced without the sheer humiliation that is school sports day. It is never ok to humiliate a child.

Opt out of what, sports day only? I know this is just one example and thus meaningless, but I think it's still worth teasing out exactly what claims you're making with your one whole anecdote.

To sum up my points-

1. if a school organises a universal activity, such as sports day or leadership day or some other sort of pastoral learning day, I think as a parent, children should make their children participate even if they don’t want to as there is a clear expectation set by the school the child will join in.
2. I believe children from an early age need to at times experience some things they find uncomfortable as that is life and they will learn that they can do things they find hard and be ok!
3. I think on the whole children have a strong sense of fairness. If they see one of their peers being allowed to not participate in something that they school says they all have to do, it creates unhappiness which ultimately is directed at the child who has been allowed to opt out, leading to potential social exclusion further down the line. It also sends a message to the child who is allowed to opt out that they can do this in the future for other things and as a parent you are ultimately creating a rod for your own back. If you can’t manage a child when they are 7 how do you think you will do it at 15 and school refusing??

This is all common sense and if parents can’t grasp this no wonder so many teens are complaining of anxiety and not being able to cope!!!

The reason you imagine any of this to be common sense is that you've continually failed to understand that sports day is in itself an inherently damaging thing for many. That's what leads you to this nonsense.

Underpinning your whole argument is the idea that a school system that's appalling for many ND people is some universal standard that has to be adhered to. That when people opt out of something that is damaging to them, it's somehow their fault if other people resent it, not the fault of the unreasonable thing that was being expected in the first place. As several of us pointed out, it's quite clear where your daughter got her attitude from.

If you actually work with DC, and it was a very conveniently timed claim, it's rather worrying.

How exactly is taking part in a primary school sports day ‘damaging’?? As in actually damaging not just out of comfort zone?

Because I am pretty sure the likelihood of social exclusion and message sent is much more damaging in the longer term