To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

[Cadela]

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

Well done @Cadela.

God this thread has been invaded by weirdos! Being proud that your child ostracises other kids for not toeing the party line! Extolling the virtues of being “group minded”?! You can see how the Stasi got one third of the population recruited as its spies in post war Germany !

You did the right thing op sounds like a lovely day.

Yes, it's easy to see where that poster's Year 7 child has picked up her godawful attitude from. There seems to be something about this topic that encourages the pro sports day posters to share their parenting fails.

I don't think you should be making plans for next year to opt out again.

I think you should talk to the school about having a better plan for sports day next year, and perhaps get some other parents on side for this. A sports day can be one that covers both the sporty children (for whom it may be the only thing they are better than average at) and those who are not. The range of activities, children who can be the ones to start a race or be the judge where it applies, for example.

You can argue that even though your child does not have a disability, there may be others who have or develop one, and the school can use sports day to build confidence if done in a certain way.

I think people generally are less biddable than they used to be. If schools keep running shouty old fashioned sports days that only the minority of athletic kids actually enjoy and everyone else hates more people are going to vote with their feet. Good.

Most people wait until their mindset has evolved beyond that of a bunch of 11 or 12 year olds before they take on parenthood- which might be why a lot of us disagree about that approach. It’s not that we don’t “ think carefully.” On the contrary, we work from a position of adult perspective.

Not actually sure letting her opt out completely is ‘solving the problem’. Isn’t that just telling her that you agree she’s rubbish at sport? Do other children opt out? She will be much more visible in not going at all IMO if all the other children give it a go and she doesn’t.

maybe better to show her you believe in her and will support her if she feels embarrassed or upset at coming last - being a good loser is an important life skill. She might even surprise herself and do things she didn’t know she could do.

@EatTheGnome has it spot on.

I have been a volunteer at DD’s sports day and yes there were kids who weren’t sporty but everyone was encouraged to try. The taking part was important as well as exercise. Getting out of your comfort zone is a skill and I can’t tell you how many children (not just in sports) whose stock response is “I can’t”.

Sports day I could take or leave but the swimming gala, I loathed with a passion because I hated swimming. I still got entered in 100 and two hundred meters and always came last or second to last. It was one day of the year and I survived every year. The art of not giving a fuck what others think, or what you believe others think about you, is a skill that can’t be taught earlier enough.

My advice would be to talk to her about her fears.

Bearing in mind that sports day is awful for a lot of ND kids, the odds of OPs DD being the only one to opt out seem pretty minimal.

I agree, hence my thought that you can be at sports day and participate by things such as putting out equipment, starting races, maybe greeting parents if they are there, those kind of things.

Ah yes, support work to make sure everything goes smoothly for the all-important sporty kids' ✨Time to Shine™✨.

When do the excellent runners and jumpers and throwers get to learn how fulfilling it is to spend a school day facilitating other people showing off how great they are?

Well done on taking her out, OP!

I did the same with my son after the first 2 sports days. He has dyspraxia, low tone, and was always last. He hated it - so I always took him out and on a day trip somewhere else.

For all those saying about teaching reslience etc - at what point do you teach your children that sometimes it's not worth following 'the rules'? As OP says, for things like dentists, exams etc, there is a purpose to it. Sports Day is not one of those things - no benefit at the end, no enjoyment during it.

My son is currently doing a Masters, having funded it by working 12 hour factory shifts for over a year. Suffice it to say that skipping sports day has not had any ill effect on his work ethic or ability to move out of his comfort zone.

Glad you had a lovely day OP. I made a promise to myself when I was in school that if I ever had a children who wanted a note to be excused from PE I’d provide one. School PE destroyed my love for sport. I was pretty rubbish but I enjoyed games like hockey , rounders and netball. What I hated was the sheer humiliation of the teachers laughing at me and the god awful kit we wore. Team picking was also horrid. Sports day was just another level of humiliation as people lined up to watch you fail. I could blend in during team sports.

For all those saying about teaching reslience etc - at what point do you teach your children that sometimes it's not worth following 'the rules'? As OP says, for things like dentists, exams etc, there is a purpose to it. Sports Day is not one of those things - no benefit at the end, no enjoyment during it.

Exactly. Teaching kids that you can't opt out, even when you clearly can with no detriment, is poor parenting.

Great update @Cadela glad you took her out instead, and your daughter had a wonderful time. How lovely, she will remember this when she's grown up, and smile.

Teaching children that they can never opt out is equally bad parenting.

Yes definitely. Part of growing up and having appropriate boundaries is learning that sometimes, people and institutions will ask things of you that are of no benefit, that may even be harmful to you, and that you can totally fuck off with no consequences at all. DC need to know this.

I don’t totally buy the “being a good loser” philosophy. Being an acceptable loser is necessary. I’m not sure being a good one is a skill to polish.

What brought me up short with rule following was that on 11th sept people beneath the impact zone were initially told to stay at their desks. Some thought fuck that and left immediately. We know what happened.

Is this an earthquake?

Oh don’t worry: I’m following now! Is missed a couple of posts!

Callio I wasn't sure whether to quickly explain or not… but realised I couldn't work out a way to phrase it that didn't sound unintentionally sarcastic

No don’t worry: I read it out if context of tgd later posts!

Easily done

Actually no, this is not 'natural human behaviour', it's nastiness and intolerance of difference. Something that most parents wouldn't want to see their child displaying and would try to help them grow out of.

The parents who let their children opt out of inconsequential things that they'd find distressing are sending an excellent message. Conformity for the sake of conformity is wrong, and it's important to be able to evaluate something you don't want to do and decide whether there's a compelling reason to push yourself and do it anyway. Sometimes there is. Sometimes not.

(As for 'being a team player' I can tell you that the same 11 and 12 year olds nasty enough to judge someone for opting out aren't exactly going to be pleasant about someone who has a go but is terrible at it and lets the team down. If you're going to be judged like that anyway, best to avoid the public humiliation first.)

OP, I'm glad you and your daughter had a nice time!