To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

[Cadela]

Honestly, the way the school organises it is horrendous. It’s FOURTEEN different ‘sports’ that you have five minutes at, and the kids have to perform in front of their peers so it’s already stressful. Plus there is no races, no medals, no winning!

Last year Dd was crying the whole way round because she was so worried about looking silly in front of the year 6s. She’s 7.

Usually I am very much of the let’s crack on and show ourselves we can do it! Mindset, but honestly Dd has been crying about this every bedtime and I just don’t want to force her to do it.

Don’t force her. This feels beyond just not wanting to do something and actually her feeling very anxious/ traumatised by it. You need to work with her on it and it might just be an age thing. It doesn’t feel like something you should be forcing to me.

She is 7 years old and there will be plenty of hard things in her life yet to come , if a mother can help make her little ones life easier and stop her worries for a few hours why on earth wouldn't she .
There are some hard hearts on here who force their kids into doing every bloody thing with no choice whatsoever no compromise ,not my idea of good parenting.
I am no pushover and my kids have not missed much time over their school years but there has been the odd day once in a while when i have let them get out of the situation and thats what you mother is there for ,someone who always has your back.
Op keep her off and do something lovely instead , can't think of much worse for all concerned than being outside bored shit less in searing heat.

I agree - also you don’t become more resilient by forcing yourself to do things that make you feel sick. You build resilience when you feel supported and understood

If she’s scared of looking silly in front of year 6s then you have a bigger problem than just sports day and you need to have a word with the head about the culture of the school. At our school the year 6s take pride in helping and caring for the little ones. Sports day is meant to be fun, the school needs to address that if it’s not the case.

I don’t think sitting out of sports day is any more ok than sitting out of maths or English, anyway. It’s one day of playing games on a field they’re not going down the mines.

This is completely unrealistic, for multiple reasons.

One, benefits of physical exercise. There's going to be a substantial amount of hanging around, and most athletics based sports days don't involve that much movement anyway. Only really the longer distance races.

Two, what does 'designed to be fun' even mean here? You don't know if that's true or not, and even if that was the intention it clearly hasn't succeeded. Importantly, your claim that everyone should be able to join in is very naive too. Lots of DC simply do not cope well in this kind of environment, full stop. It's noisy, different, overwhelming. You haven't taken them into account at all. It doesn't sound like the organisers of this sports day have either. And that in particular is objectively, nailed on stupid. At best.

Three, children won't be allowed to do anything other than cheer and encourage each other. If you think any school can prevent anything more negative from happening, I've got a bridge to sell you.

This sports day is objectively stupid, serving no useful purpose for OPs DD and the best life lesson that could be taught here is to just say no.

I agree - the “make them suffer” crowd probably want to ensure their own kids have an adoring audience at any costs! Loved sports day myself as autumn birthday I absolutely cleaned up,

Everyone should boycott all these compulsory public displays of ability (or lack thereof).

Like the ones where all the kids have to get up and competitively solve maths problems in front of the whole school and all their parents. Or the ones where everyone has to read out loud to see who's the best, and those who are slower and stumble over the words have hundreds of eyes on them and people cheering encouragingly as they slog through the last paragraph when everyone else has long finished. Or the ones with a school-wide singing contest that you can't get out of no matter how off-key and embarrassed you are.

Oh, hang on…

Stay off school, keep kids off school, in solidarity with those people whose strengths lie elsewhere and don't need a public demonstration of that. It might be necessary to have kids read out loud, or run and throw balls about, in front of 25-30 classmates, or have them sing/mouth words as part of a big group in assembly (do they still make kids sing in assembly?), or do maths on a regular basis. But there's only one subject where many schools hold an annual display of ability, and routinely expect participation to be compulsory regardless of aptitude or inclination to perform publicly.

I definitely agree the latter.

I think the grit your teeth and get on with it approach creates a carapace rather than true resilience.

Or the “awww bless” patronising to the slower kids from the parents July birthday dd1 hated that

I totally agree. I don't understand how any parent can force their child to go a sports day who's been hysterically upset about going. It's mean.

I was also wondering about PP who have suggested OP should've gone to the teacher and asked them to support her child...teachers apparently have no time to have a wee, do they really think the teacher would be jumping up and down at that request which takes time away from any actual teaching? Ridiculous.

That if she is scared and worried I won’t force her to put herself in a position that makes her uncomfortable when I, as an adult, can sort it very quickly
The focus here shouldn't be so much whether or not to protect her from a stressful and upsetting event, but to explore and help her understand and deal with the reason why it is causing her these feelings.

Why is she embarrassed? You say she lacks confidence. In what way? Why is she concerned about what Year 6 think?

I would have told her that you'll do your part by keeping her away this year but she will need to do her part by working with you understanding the root of the problem and looking at ways to make it better with the aim to do it next year and be proud of having overcome her issues.

Good on Layla. It can take courage, independence and yes, resilience to choose not to participate in a pointless public display when you know that others will be sneering about you to their mummies.

This is the most balanced advice on here. Totally agree.

You have clearly had very negative experiences of school sports days - not sure if you've ever been at the ones based around fun not competition, but you have missed out if so!
No booing (been to about ten sports days so far). The sports day the OP and I are talking about doesn't have athletics based races, so everyone is doing something all the time so yes, there's exercise. His teacher gave my son noise cancelling headphones to wear when the noise was too much.
of course there will be children who get less out of this than others, and who struggle. But you have far from proved the "objectively stupid" point you were trying to make!
I think your concept of the day and mine are very different - like I'm describing a banana and you a kiwi.

Agreed. Well played (or not!) to Layla. A great example to set.

I kept my daughter off sports day last year as it was causing her a lot of anxiety. I had plenty people tell me that I was silly for keeping her off but stuck to my guns. I expected to have to do the same thing this year but she was absolutely fine to take part! So I think go with your gut.

The problem with your fun competition idealism is it completely excludes all the DC for whom it's not, and for whom a pair of headphones aren't going to solve that problem. Those of us with ND kids who struggle to cope simply have a better understanding here. So it's not that we're describing different things. We're describing the same thing, but only one of us has noticed that the banana has gone off.

And OP has been quite clear here that the sports day is badly organised. It's also evident that it's going to be a problem for some DC and that it will lead to non-attendance that wouldn't otherwise happen. These things are all facts and all bad. Which is why the best life lesson that could be learned here, if one insists on seeing it that way, is that this is an objectively stupid and pointless thing that can and should be swerved.

I think you need to work on making it out to not be such a big deal to her. Don't pander to the hysterics. Just explain it's only a few hours, Mum and Dad (or whoever) will be there cheering you on and we just care that you do your best, we're proud of you for trying etc etc and we'll go out for tea/ice cream etc afterwards to celebrate. Play down the importance of winning if that's what's worrying her.
I just don't think it's a good attitude to impart in one so young that it's OK to just not show up for things that you're not so keen on. We all have to do things we don't necessarily like in life - many people hate their jobs, for example - but quitters never win and winners never quit.
Also I feel it's important to encourage kids to enjoy exercise (ok so it doesn't have to be running, jumping, 🥚 and 🥄 race etc) but give them the opportunity to find out which sport they do enjoy eg climbing, dance, tennis. I think if kids are turned off sport/exercise early in life it doesn't set a good precedent.
My dd is studying sport science (because she enjoys it) and she knows she has her strengths and weaknesses in certain sports but she'll have a go and laugh it off if it's not one of her stronger points.
Sport is there to be enjoyed and tell your daughter to not take it too seriously. My dd's netball team often loses but she just sees every match as a chance to catch up with her mates and be part of a team.
And, as a pp said, the teachers have enough to deal with, I'm sure you can reassure your dd, OP.

More like, one of you has a deathly banana allergy and the other one refuses to believe that's a thing.

My 6 year old is staying home with me on Tuesday as he also hates sports day. I also can’t think of anything worse than having to sit in the blazing sun for an hour making mindless small talk with other parents. He’s learning musical instruments at the moment which is building his confidence. He’s just not the sporty type like myself.

So when a child doesn't like a maths test, or singing, or geography let's take them out and give them a safe space?
Isn't this why all the silliness in society is happening?
A non competitive sports day which is what this is, it's fun, a chance for everyone to have a laugh and enjoy being active, we complain about children being on screens, but then when a physical activity comes around, oh it might upset them...

Get a grip, or invest in a lifes supply of cotton wool

My point exactly. It really IS the taking part, the showing up that counts, and clearly this Mum has impressed this point upon her daughter. Yes, she probably shouldn't be sneering at Layla, but I'm guessing she was used as an example rather than someone to be sneered at.

@Yerroblemom1923 your point is the opposite of mine - confused why you're saying 'my point exactly'...

The equivalent to those is the regular PE lessons.

If I had a kid who was panicking at the idea of being forced to get up and sing in front of the whole school and loads of invited parents so that they could be compared and ranked with all the other kids, hell yes I'd want to take them out. I'd want to take them out regardless, as a protest at the existence of such an event. A music lesson where the class is learning how to use their voices? No, I wouldn't take them out.

And yeah they will feel compared and ranked regardless of "noncompetitive" talk — everyone knows which kid is running the slowest out of those plonked in the slow-kid events.