To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

It was a factual statement from a dispassionate professional.
What exactly are you concerned abbout? Sexual innuendo? Would you be happy if a female consultant said the same thing, because it could be sexual innuendo from a female as much as a male
Please don't get aerated about this. It's bad enough getting people to engage with professionals about their bits. Don't need scaremongering from innocuous comments

If everything was explained in medical terms, a lot of the general public wouldn't know what half of it meant.

planAplanB yes.

I would complain and find a different consultant that actually wants to do surgery

I mean we could read anything in to everything. What he said was factual. It will be tighter and that’s what some women would like as they would view it as a positive (as in people would pay to have a tighter one!)

Some people try to have a bit of a joke to make you feel at ease. Some woman wouldn’t have a problem at all, some clearly would.

We're slipping back into Victorian outlook sexualising body parts and being disturbed at a perceived sexual connotation if a member of the medical community discusses them in laymens terms to help us understand.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate op. I can see why it was a bit embarassing though. Many women struggle with sensation after childbirth. He’s simply stating one of the effects of surgery. It’s highly relevant to your decision making

Absolutely this.

But surgery isn't always advisable! I have bowel, bladder and uterine prolapses and two gynaecologists have advised me against having surgery. It really depends on the individual and the type of prolapse but often it's not a good solution.
Prolapse repairs have relatively high failure rates and often need to be repeated after ten years or so. Each time the surgery is done it is less effective. Surgery can also cause other problems. Often it is better to not have surgery or to delay it as long as possible. You can do exercises or wear a pessary.
The women I know who did have prolapse surgery specifically wanted a tighter vagina so it's perfectly relevant that he said this. He's probably had conversations with hundreds of women wanting this so of course he'll mention it as a consideration.

literally what are you talking about. This is a direct parallel. Circumcision exposes the tip of the penis which would usually be covered, and it can desensitise it a bit so men last longer during sex.

Amazing how in the male context it's "ridiculous" and not considered a "valid comment" where in the OP's case, according to you it was completely reasonable.

Just make it make sense why there is such a disparity in your eyes between the 2 scenarios.

It's not about talking about it, it's about the way it was phrased and delivered, as is very clear from the OP.

A gynaecologist appointment involves talking about body parts, it’s unavoidable.

Where does it say the Dr "smirked"?

Inqppropriate from another doctor yes, but not from a gynaecologist. For some women, their vagina not being tight enough may be one of the issues (not all women would be confident enough to mention it) so the consultant has to let you know the benefits and risks of all procedures so you can make an informed decision.

I had a prolapse that, due to muscle damage, caused my vagina to feel loose. It was distressing to me because sex didn’t have the same sensation for me anymore. The surgical repair sorted it right out. A tight vagina isn’t all for the man! There was no where in the OP that indicated the doctor said the operation wouldn’t cure her prolapse. They like you to have physio first as the area may re-prolapse so it’s best to delay it as much as possible. The OP may be uncomfortable with the delivery of the information, but I don’t think the Dr was being an arse pointing it out.

It’s just the truth surely. After 6 kids I would love to be told something like that.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all. Trauma does funny things to us and tbh it's hard for us to know exactly how it was said. I was gonna say trust your gut but as a trauma survivor myself, my gut let's me down quite often lol.
If you feel a complaint is something you want to do then do it and don't feel bad for it. I personally think he could have worded it better. Sending hugs

So I'm just going to say do not get the operation and have mesh of any type fitted. Please join the Sling the Mesh Facebook page for further information from women who have lived through this operation, who were promised the gold standard and who have been left disabled and suffering a lifetime of chronic pain. Try the pessary, try the physio, try the diet, try it all before you even consider taking this to the next level

He might not of been smirking you may of interpreted it wrong I don't think it's appropriate to complain!

Why on earth would you submit a complaint?

Wouldn't have bothered me at all, he was merely giving you all the information.

Exactly. Tell that to the male gynae who put his fingers inside me and, when I winced in pain, smirked.

Oh yes, silly little women, not knowing what facial expressions mean.

I wouldn’t complain…my gynae drew me a picture and referred to my prolapse as a ceiling collapse and having to be propped up🫣
He said you are never the same after surgery and after discussion, I am continuing with a vag pessary ring (!) for the time being …
hope you are ok 😘

I think unreasonable to be honest. If it was a female doctor would you have felt violated by the examination and embarrassed by the comment? The tighter comment might make another patient choose surgery over physio.

This ! They are duty bound to tell you ALL the possible outcomes