AIBU to be a bit irritated that my managers have made comments on my hair and nails?

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I am in a senior position in a company and am in line for a promotion.

As part of this process I am getting a lot of “constructive feedback” from my line managers on how I perform my role. I am absolutely comfortable with this in principle and some of it is helpful but some of it feels subjective, personal and sometimes a bit unkind. For example a lot of micromanagement of how I appear: comments of my “sense of authority” etc. I understand that this is meant constructively and it’s their prerogative as my employer and I have gone along with everything that they have said with a positive attitude but I privately feel that some of it is petty and trivial and a bit spiteful.

The latest “feedback” request has taken me aback; my managers requested (via a third party) that I need to spend more money on my hair and nails to be promotion worthy.

For context: it’s a client facing role and presentation absolutely is important, no question and I totally accept that. I dress professionally at all times (eg Reiss suits with laundered shirts in winter, smart dress and jacket in warm weather.) I have never been accused of looking scruffy or unprofessional. My hair is a neutral colour, shoulder length and always brushed and maintained: I usually get highlights and a trim once every six weeks. I wear smart shoes apart from on my commute when I wear trainers.

I do have manicures sometimes (mainly once every six weeks). I don’t have the time to do them more frequently than this but my nails are well kept.

By the same token it’s a professional job and not one where aesthetics or style are core to the role. It’s not fashion or a creative job where a sense of fashion awareness is part of the “brand”. My counterparts wear clothes that are similar to mine.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with this. I’m absolutely fine with being reminded that presentation is important but it feels as if this is straying into the territory of communicating to me that I am not attractive enough for the role and I can’t help thinking that my male counterparts are unlikely to be told they need to spend more on hair and nails.

AIBU? Do I just need to take this on the chin? Or am I right to feel a bit offended?

Good grief, I can't believe I'm reading such stuff. Outrageous.

Can we also go back to the lesser : "sense of authority” aswell please because this is just as bad.

They are but tbh the whole industry is full of people like this.

I don’t have a great deal of confidence that it will be better anywhere else. It’s a bit of a “better the devil you know” scenario.

Yeah that’s a whole other can of worms. Officially it just means “knowing how to do your job and communicating this to the client”, which by common consensus I do.

My boss has a nasty habit of inserting herself into my interactions with clients who I know well, throwing her weight around, questioning my advice and generally undermining me in front of the client and my team and then accusing me of not having sufficient “authority”. She does that with most of the people at the company.

You sound like a highly competent, informed, emotionally intelligent, very employable lovely person…. And not a match for this toxic company and its deluded glamour boss at all.
She sounds like a misogynist that is looking for excuses not to promote you.
Update your CV and look elsewhere- she doesn’t deserve you; you’ll be snapped up 💪🏻

Bet it’s financial PR

OMG! Like I’ve said before I’m no expert. But that sounds like it may be covered by workplace bullying: ‘an abuse or misuse of power that undermines’. You really need advice. It could be you have a fairly substantive grievance/ET claim.

"Having a "sense of authority" typically refers to the perception or demeanor of having the right to command, influence, or lead others. It involves projecting confidence, competence, and credibility in a way that others are inclined to respect and follow your guidance or decisions.
A person with a strong sense of authority often exhibits traits such as:
1 Confidence: They are sure of themselves and their abilities, which can inspire trust and respect in others.
2 Knowledge and expertise: They possess a deep understanding of their field or area of expertise, which lends credibility to their opinions and decisions.
3 Leadership skills: They are able to effectively communicate their ideas, delegate tasks, and motivate others to achieve common goals.
4 Assertiveness: They are able to express their opinions and make decisions without being overly aggressive or domineering.
5 Respect for others: They treat others with respect and fairness, recognizing the value of diverse perspectives and contributions.
Having a sense of authority is using one's influence and expertise to guide and lead in a positive and constructive manner."

Oh dear. She's thus criticising you. How do you plan to deal with that?

THIS 100%

Apologies i think then I was not correct in what I said. I do recall one of my first employment contracts having a clause about unions. But that was some time ago so as people have rightly said it is probably impossible nowadays for firms to prevent their employees joining a union.
However it is practically unheard of in the industry to be unionised. People tend to vote with their feet (leave and find another job) or in very rare occasions take their employer to a tribunal. The legal route is fraught and costly though as you are up against the big guns. In my experience finding a much better job (first, always do this first!) and then leaving with dignity has worked well. It’s a very small world in the City. But what the OP is describing is truly archaic, no one carries on like this anymore.

I’m glad I work for an organisation which doesn’t have this level of fuckwittedness. Some of the senior women look positively unkempt and wear sportswear a lot (job is nothing to do with sport).

I can’t say I bother brushing my hair every day and I visit the hairdresser twice a year possibly once. I’ve managed to get promotions ok.

This is harassment, bullying, and sexual harassment. These are your physical, protected characteristics and it's discrimination. Take it all the way to HR and a Union.

This does not actually sound like a professional firm - this is the sort of unprofessional behaviour that gives rise to tribunals and negative publicity. How upsetting for you and I hope you find a cracking new job

I had a female manager say this. I needed to get my nails ‘done’ & my straight hair was not acceptable. I needed to curl it. I laughed.

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments. It’s been quite an eye opener for me. It felt a bit “off”, but I didn’t realise it was so blatant. Has given me a lot to think about.

@Thelaughingtonepoliceman do suck it up to get the promotion on your cv and then get a better job in a better company.

Me too. This is blatant misogyny.
I thought we had got rid of this attitude in the 1970s..sheesh🙄

Pretty sure this is sexist bullshit, and unless they are demanding all male staff have regular hair cuts and manicures it's probably discrimination.

American company? Senior women have to be thin, blonde, manicured and face-lifted/botoxed!

People seem to be getting upset on here but what do you want the outcome to be?
Obviously don't do the facelift/botox but (at least in the US) senior women executives look a certain way usually.
Look at Karen Lynch of CVS,Mary Barra of GM, Sarah london of Centene.
Shouldn't have to but do you want this promotion or not?

I’d never in a million years think about having to get a professional manicure for work. 😳

Have read through all of your posts and would agree with others on here that this is a classic case of bullying -albeit ‘glammed up’ and delivered by somebody who clearly has ridiculous standards - one of those chics who is still getting up at 5am to do hair & make-up. You come across as eminently capable for this promotion as well as remarkably well turned out. Don’t let her shake you. It does sound like a personal message in order to rattle you- rather than ‘from the top’.

I am similar age and in a slightly ‘imagey’ industry. ( Real Estate). Ultimately -I find that clients appreciate dedication and experience over the Insta-ready/Dyson-dried’n shellac’d presentation. Best of luck with the promotion. Go-get’em.

This is going to sound odd or weird. I've worked at high corporate level and I've worked in schools. Both jobs require hair and nails to be perfect.

The second one is that we use visualisers a great deal and if your nails are that large they need to be clean and neat. This is actually far easier wearing gel polish or gels as real nails look quite scary enlarged. Hair is generally up because it's difficult to remain looking tidy/respectable when you're rushing around all the time.

I worked in a Corporate role before that. If your Company has expectations about what you wear then usually hair and nails come into it irrespective of gender. As it is for male teachers. When I got a promotion I suddenly realised that people went to the Jigsaw sale instead of the Next one. There was an unspoken expectation of how we would represent the Company. Having a high level of "gloss" can be important in Senior roles as you are representing that Brand. And yes, the men got manicures too. It is about polished shoes and a smart suit with an appropriate hair and nails to go with it. I use to use hairspray to keep mine neat or wear it in a French pleat or French plait with lots of hairspray. If you have a haircut that grows out quickly I remember getting my haircut every five to six weeks too.

It possibly (probably) is a sexist, outdated attitude that HR should clamp down on but get the promotion then take it up with them!

@pollymere I spent 16 years in Investment banks and now 20 in Education.

I have never come across what you describe. I am a very senior member of staff.

Congratulations? I've spent fifteen years working in London and eleven in education. Some roles require a high standard of presentation. I'm impressed if you're Senior Leadership in a school who doesn't make themselves presentable before meetings involving parents.

@pollymere no, not SLT in school. Education is a little wider than that.

I have never had to make myself presentable for senior meetings with external stakeholders and office holders because I am always presentable.

Presentable, in my opinion, does not require fancy hair and fancy finger nails. Well cut, clean hair and neat, clean natural nails, yes. Good quality, classic clothes help but fortunately my part of education channels Mary Beard more than Kim Kardashian.

The worst dressed women I've ever encountered have been SLT in schools.