AIBU to be a bit irritated that my managers have made comments on my hair and nails?

[Thelaughingtonepoliceman]

I am in a senior position in a company and am in line for a promotion.

As part of this process I am getting a lot of “constructive feedback” from my line managers on how I perform my role. I am absolutely comfortable with this in principle and some of it is helpful but some of it feels subjective, personal and sometimes a bit unkind. For example a lot of micromanagement of how I appear: comments of my “sense of authority” etc. I understand that this is meant constructively and it’s their prerogative as my employer and I have gone along with everything that they have said with a positive attitude but I privately feel that some of it is petty and trivial and a bit spiteful.

The latest “feedback” request has taken me aback; my managers requested (via a third party) that I need to spend more money on my hair and nails to be promotion worthy.

For context: it’s a client facing role and presentation absolutely is important, no question and I totally accept that. I dress professionally at all times (eg Reiss suits with laundered shirts in winter, smart dress and jacket in warm weather.) I have never been accused of looking scruffy or unprofessional. My hair is a neutral colour, shoulder length and always brushed and maintained: I usually get highlights and a trim once every six weeks. I wear smart shoes apart from on my commute when I wear trainers.

I do have manicures sometimes (mainly once every six weeks). I don’t have the time to do them more frequently than this but my nails are well kept.

By the same token it’s a professional job and not one where aesthetics or style are core to the role. It’s not fashion or a creative job where a sense of fashion awareness is part of the “brand”. My counterparts wear clothes that are similar to mine.

I feel a bit uncomfortable with this. I’m absolutely fine with being reminded that presentation is important but it feels as if this is straying into the territory of communicating to me that I am not attractive enough for the role and I can’t help thinking that my male counterparts are unlikely to be told they need to spend more on hair and nails.

AIBU? Do I just need to take this on the chin? Or am I right to feel a bit offended?

The thing is this is very much typical of the kind of “feedback” they give people. It’s usually one very trivial example which is given as an example of incompetence but if you question the fairness or the logic it it will be waved away.

I am pretty sure the reason it was given indirectly was so that they could accuse the person who delivered the advice as having got the wrong end of the stick if I questioned them.

Positive. The person who delivered the message was visibly uncomfortable and apologised that she had to tell this to me. She went out of her way to communicate to me that she didn’t approve while trying to be professional.

@Thelaughingtonepoliceman and is your manager a male or female??? cant imagine a female saying this to another female!

Female

wtaf who do these twats think they are?

I would go back to the man this came from and ask him how much he spends in his nails so you can make sure you're towing the company line.

Firstly, I'd diarise the incident and ask the other person to confirm this is a record of the conversation

I'd email the person who is the source of the feedback, saying you weren't 100% clear about the message, but ask to have it in writing.

I might start discreetly taking pictures of all the male colleagues working at my level as well.

I can’t imagine having to deal with this. What an absolute fucking liberty. I’d be looking for that promotion elsewhere.

It came from a woman.

And what does her hair and manicure look like?

What's the industry?
Clean, neat, natural nails are the most professional.
Clean, well cut, hair is the most professional.

I worked in investment banking in the 80s and 90s. This wouldn't have happened there. I wore mostly navy blue and flat shoes, have never painted my nails and my hair was simply styled

Maybe ask that such costs are covered by them.... In the form of vouchers or wage increase prior to the one that goes with your promotion..

I had assumed a man but actually this makes so much more sense. Suggesting you need to “spend more money” on these things is a bitchy comment from a woman; a man wouldn’t consider the detail.

I'd just do it, get my promotion, then revert back tbh... (Not condoning btw, it sounds absolutely ridiculous)

She’s very glossy and expensive looking (and naturally attractive to be honest). She’s also a multi-millionaire.

Oh I fully intend to. I was just wondering if I had gone mad.

Rather not say as too outing. It’s not investment banking or law or accounting but it’s adjacent to those industries if that makes sense.

I’d do it to be honest. If you are shaking hands then nails are important in looking ‘good’.
i wonder if there is a bit of code here. Compare yourself to the female senior staff- do they wear make up? Do you?
I was in a temporary job last year and realised I felt old and shabby next to the young lovelies around me. I used to wear make up pre COVID and hadn’t recently. Next week I Wore my light make up and actually felt and looked much better.

God, how depressing. It is totally unacceptable that women are expected to do this in 2024.

You've lost me op. Well cared for hands with pale nail polish (or nothing) look far more expensive than heavy acrylics/gels, etc.

Well cut hair, with or without highlights, is absolutely fine.

@Pumpituppump

Oh I will. I will do everything they ask (within reason). I’m just uncomfortable with it.

If it were me, I would assume they didn't want to promote me and were clutching at straws to find reasons. I'd immediately start looking for another job. You sound very diligent, not to mention smartly turned out. Time to find an organisation that deserves you.

Oh I bloody can. Woman are the absolute worst for this bullshit and one of the reasons I love working with all men

Entirely this. Promotion-worthy nails, ffs. checks it isn't 1961

My friend had something similar working in Consulting. She got sent on a personal image course and the company paid for her to have her colours done. Regardless of all this she was frequently 'reminded' that navy suit and white shirt was the expectation for client facing meetings which made knowing that she was a vibrant spring pretty pointless.

I find it all a load of bollocks tbh.