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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be devastated with mum's reaction/emotional blackmail which basically means my children can never have a pet?

177 replies

MrsPuddleduck · 09/04/2008 08:54

Bascially, after a lot of thought we decided to get a kitten. My friend's cat has had kittens so we know the mother's temperament etc and both boys like cats. My Mum hates cats so I had put off telling her because I knew I would have a lecture.

Basically my Dad had a heart attack three years ago and a triple bypass three years ago. He is allergic to cats. My Mum says that if we get the cat they will have to seriously restrict the amount of times they come and the length of time they stay and how much help they can give us with the Dc's. They will not be able to stay overnight anymore (they live about 15 mins away but stay over about 4 times a year so they can both have a drink eg Christmas).

My parents are the only 'help' we get and I really don't want to upset them but on the other hand it basically means our children can never have a pet.

I feel really upset about the whole thing, especially as we had told Ds1 (4 and a half) that we were getting the kitten and he has named him George. I tried to suggest this morning that we may not be able to get the kitten after all and he started to get het up about it so I dropped the subject.

Can you please let me have your honest opinions. Sorry its a bit long.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 09/04/2008 08:56

did you know your dad weas allergic to cats?
why not get a rabbit/hamster/puppy?

belgo · 09/04/2008 08:58

Get a different pet. My dh is allergic to cats which means we can never have one.

littlelapin · 09/04/2008 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsPuddleduck · 09/04/2008 08:59

Yes I did know. My Dad is allergic to anything with fur.

I thought it may make him sneeze a bit at worse. The truth is (I am now told) he gets tight chested and it's not helpful when you've had a heart attack.

I really don't want a small pet in a cage.

OP posts:
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 09/04/2008 08:59

If your dad is allergic to cats though I suppose it would be difficult for him to be around the cat. But very upsetting for you as well if you have your heart set on a cat.

Is there a room where you'd be able to put the kitten when they came over? It wouldn't be as much of a problem when the kitten is older as you can chuck it out in the garden for a bit.

I have a friend who's allergic to cats and I boot them out in the garden when she comes over. As long as she doesn't have direct contact with the cat her allergy doesn't seem to be set off.

belgo · 09/04/2008 08:59

We now have a rabbit which my four year old adores.

Quadrophenia · 09/04/2008 08:59

oh dear tbh I wouldn't have told my child until we were in the car on the way to get it, I'm thinking that maybe you should have thought these things through first?
I think its sad that your mum's dislike for cats means your child can''t have one but many kids are fine throughout childhood without one. TBh I would be tempted to get one anyway, but then i hate being made to feel over a barrel about things.

chopchopbusybusy · 09/04/2008 08:59

If your Dad is allergic to cats then I think YABU. Reading between the lines though you seem to be saying that it is really because your Mum just dislikes cats .

If you explain to your DCs that Grandad is allergic to cats and if they have a kitten then he won't be able to visit will they still feel the same?

Presumably, if your Dad is only allergic to cats, then you could have a different pet. An outdoor rabbit maybe, or a hamster, a bird, fish?

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 09/04/2008 09:00

Get some chickens

beansprout · 09/04/2008 09:00

Can he take antihistamine?

BetteNoir · 09/04/2008 09:00

Guinea pigs are the way to go.
They are the answer to most of lifes' problems, actually.

Quadrophenia · 09/04/2008 09:00

i agree re guniea pigs, they are fab

skidoodle · 09/04/2008 09:00

It's hardly emotional blackmail is it?

Your Dad, a man with existing health problems, is allergic to cats. Of course he won't be able to stay over if there's a cat in the house. Obviously having an allergen in your house will mean he can be there less and therefore help you less.

I can't believe you didn't factor your Dad's allergy into the equation before making this decision.

Also, it's hardly like your children will "never have a pet" is it? Are cats the only kinds of pets people can have? Or is your Dad also allergic to dogs, birds, fish, rodents, and reptiles? What about seamonkeys?

YABVU

If you rely that much on your parents a little more consideration of their medical needs wouldn't go astray.

Callisto · 09/04/2008 09:01

Honestly? You have to decide what is more important - your fathers health or getting a kitten for your children. I don't actually think your mother is being that unreasonable.

Also kittens/puppies and young children do not mix well - it is too easy for a child to hurt or kill a small animal. Rabbuts might be a better option and places like Blue Cross have rescue rabbits that desperately need homes.

belgo · 09/04/2008 09:02

I also wouldn't have mentioned anything about getting a cat until we actually had the pet.

I agree with the other poster it's not emotional blackmail.

soopermum1 · 09/04/2008 09:02

i don't think your mum is emotionally blackmailing you as i think she has a valid point, i can't imagine it's much fun being arond a cat if you're allergic (i am non allergic and have 2 cats)

surely there's a way round it. can DCs go to their their's if they babysit? maybe if you promise to keep the cat out when they're there and hoover vigorously then it might not be too bad for you dad, you'll have to see how it goes, but his comfort and health wil be everyone's top priority. there's also tablets you can now take it you're allergic that are temporary. my bro's got asthma and he now lives permanently with his girlfriend and her cat with no ill effects. however they may only be suitable for some and may not be suitable if your dad's already on medication.

Eulalia · 09/04/2008 09:03

I agree also NEVER tell a child anything till you are sure they can have it. Sorry I know its good to know in retrospect. he is still quite young so why not a toy cat, something with all the accessories. And get a real hamster, rabbit etc.

Callisto · 09/04/2008 09:04

My nephew is allergic to cats and only has to be in my home to come out in a rash and start sneezing. So putting the kitten in another room may not be an option.

littlelapin · 09/04/2008 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 09/04/2008 09:04

DH is allergic to cats and we can't stay with friends who have cats without DH taking a VAST amount of prescribed drugs/inhalers/sprays which make him feel terrible.

bergentulip · 09/04/2008 09:05

My sister bought two cats, even though I am allergic. Fine, her choice, but I never go over to hers.

My asthma gets worse, itchy eyes, runny nose etc.... just not worth it.

I don't take it personally, neither does she, and she just visits us instead.

If you have a cat, accept you'll have to do all the visiting, not the other way round.

belgo · 09/04/2008 09:06

If my dh comes into contact with cat fur, his sneezing and nose blowing drives us all crazey. It's hardly your father's fault is it.

morningpaper · 09/04/2008 09:06

agree also re. guinea pigs, they are the Way Forward

cats are over-rated anyway; they leave cat hair everywhere, they throw up on your carpets, half the world is allergic to them, they RUIN your sofa and furniture, they get fleas and they periodically attack you

Guinea pigs just eat lettuce and look cute

hecate · 09/04/2008 09:06

Well, you've got a choice - get the cat and manage without the help, or forget the cat and continue to have your parents' help.

An allergy to fur can be really bad you know. Tight chested, wheezy, very uncomfortable. Plus I am sure that a heart attack was VERY frightening for them both, so I can quite see why anything that is going to make him feel tight and affect his breathing is going to make them feel bad. It's a reminder AND no matter how many times you tell yourself "it's the cat" I am sure that actually feeling tight is going to make you panic.

OTOH, your mum may be using that as an excuse because she personally really hates cats, who knows?

But you are an adult, with your own family. Your parents cannot make you do anything. It is up to you. If you feel you can't manage without their help, perhaps that is something you need to take a look at, it is never a good idea to rely on someone to that extent.

belgo · 09/04/2008 09:07

Are guinea pigs better then rabbits?

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