To be devastated with mum's reaction/emotional blackmail which basically means my children can never have a pet?

[MrsPuddleduck]

Bascially, after a lot of thought we decided to get a kitten. My friend's cat has had kittens so we know the mother's temperament etc and both boys like cats. My Mum hates cats so I had put off telling her because I knew I would have a lecture.

Basically my Dad had a heart attack three years ago and a triple bypass three years ago. He is allergic to cats. My Mum says that if we get the cat they will have to seriously restrict the amount of times they come and the length of time they stay and how much help they can give us with the Dc's. They will not be able to stay overnight anymore (they live about 15 mins away but stay over about 4 times a year so they can both have a drink eg Christmas).

My parents are the only 'help' we get and I really don't want to upset them but on the other hand it basically means our children can never have a pet.

I feel really upset about the whole thing, especially as we had told Ds1 (4 and a half) that we were getting the kitten and he has named him George. I tried to suggest this morning that we may not be able to get the kitten after all and he started to get het up about it so I dropped the subject.

Can you please let me have your honest opinions. Sorry its a bit long.

I'm not sure you are being unreasonable and I'm sure it would be possible to compromise if your mum were onside. It really depends how bad your dad gets.

We had 3 cats at one point and several friends were allergic in various degrees. The friends still came over, and the one with the worst allergy always had a bottle of Piriton.

If you hoover a lot before they come, keep some Piriton in your medicine cabinet, then it may be fine. Of course, if your mum won't budge, then it'll be more difficult to deal with your dad. Have to talked to him?

I do think it's a shame not to be able to choose your pet when you are living in your own home.

The problem is we wont be able to tell how badly dad will be affected until we get it and I can't take the risk of it making him really ill. I didn't realise how badly people can potentially be affected by allergies until starting this thread.

It is easier to tell DS we are not getting the kitten rather than get it and either wish we hadn't or have to try and re-home it.

Willmouse, I think you're making the right decision.

Barnstaple, if I were a sick relative of yours then no way would I take extra drugs to help me endure the pain/discomfort because I'd figure if you cared so little you were not worth visiting. It's not taking away your choice, but if you choose to do something antisocial don't expect others to choose to go along with it.

well done willmouse, I'm glad you are getting another kind of pet - parents are the most important things !!! good on you!

Have told DS - he keeps telling me that a cat won't make grandad sneeze

When I suggested he may like a different pet he said he wanted a bloody rabbit (not a chance). Suggested chickens only to be told they were too feathery.

Perhaps he will forget....

Barnstaple

you say

'If you hoover a lot before they come, keep some Piriton in your medicine cabinet, then it may be fine. '

And I'd say, that would make sod all difference to ds. We give him antihistamines and steroids before we visit houses with cats and dogs, as well as taking his inhaler. He still gets an attack.

Last time it took the better part of two weeks to get over it.

agree with mb. we give dd1 piriton and make sure she has her inhaler with her at dsis houses, but she still suffers from allergic reaction.

My dad had a lung transplant and he can't be near any animals although I don't understand why it would affect him. They live about 150 miles away and have said they can't visit anymore (not that they really did before tbh) - at least your parents are still willing to visit and live close enough so that they won't need to stay over. The joy of having a pet is wonderful for the whole family but it depends how much it will upset you to have your parents' visits shorter. Your parents aren't being selfish or manipulative - just listening to what they've been told by doctors.

"perhaps he will forget"

he's 4 fgs .. of course he'll forget ... unless of course every time he mentions it he gets that glorious guilt reaction from you and you continue to feel he's hard done-by ... which I'd hazard a huge guess is exactly what's happening

don't react to him tell him it's just unfortunate but htat's the end of it .. it's just tough, he'll get over it

kitti, dh has had a heart transplant and due to lowered immune system he cant be near the pets we have. they live outside and he has nothing to do with them sadly. last summer the rabbit escpaed a few times. one time was when a photogrpaher was around to do some publicity shots. he hasked if dh could have the rabbit on his knee for some pics and was hit with a resounding 'NO' from everyone including the children. lol. poor bloke.

Lol at "cooks very tiny chips"

Cats are rubbish anyway.

Oh ffs what about the children who are allergic to farking animals? I've known quite a few people who have pets who are big-time selfish in that they are obsessed with their animals to the extent that they don't care who else is inconvenienced by the animals.

And I have had in the past to say to one acquaintance that I could no longer visit her house, she had a Rottweiler (a soppy friendly one which was worse as it liked me and would come and lick me) - the absolute worst triggers for me are glossy-short-haired dogs such as rottweilers, dalmations, dobermans, bull terriers etc. I have in the past gone to stay with pet-owning friends armed with antihistamines (though the most effective non-drowsy one got taken off the market grr) and nowadays use one of those nasal sprays for a short visit. But I'm a relatively healthy adult and it's up to me what level of discomfort I'm prepared to put up with. When it comes to immediate family etc, then sod the pets, why not get your TG a wind-up toy or something?

I'm not even allergic as such, but I have no desire to be covered in hairs, fleas, saliva or shit from someone elses pet.

I think animals should be in the open where they belong, in the wild, on farms or if you really must then in zoos. Maybe we could have a lot more petting zoos instead of people having pets in their houses.

On another thread its been suggested that sacrificing a few kids to autism is worth it for the health of the majority. I don't agree, but sacrificing whatever people get out of owning pets would be a small price to pay for avoiding all these allergic reactions/diseases associated with them.

If your parents live 15 mins away, they don't even have to stay at your place. Call a cab on 4 nights a year they drink at your place to take them back home.

Arrange things so that they don't need to come over but your take DCs over to their place.

Problem solved

Your dad doesn't live with you. Get the cat. I'm allergic tot he damned things, as a severe asthmatic it's not a good thing. Doesn't mean I get precious about it and avoid my friends who have cats. I just deal with it.

Message withdrawn

I am allergic to cats. I can take antihistamines, prior to visiting somebody with a cat. The procedure for me would be to come home after the visit, undress as soon as I am in the front door, throw all my clothes into the washing machine straight away, and then go to the shower, hoping no lingering cat hair from my clothes or hair would be "polluting" my home. But again, Iam precious. And I am also sick and tired of getting allergic rhinitus which in turn normally causes sinusitis and a course of antibiotics.

why not a rabbit? friedns of ours have a miniture lop eared rabbit which is so cute and very cuddly. Also they "boarded" a miniature poodle for an asthmatic friend who went on holiday which I was expecting to be a horrible yappy poncy creature but in fact was so divine I tried to kidnap her...

The parents are much more important. I am allergic to cats. Within a few seconds of going near them I am quite ill. It's not fun. Even just sitting in a home wtih a cat for 30 minutes gives me absolutely dreadful symptoms.
We have a hamster. We've had rabbits. We have gold fish. Juts pick a pet which won't make the grandparents ill

Yabu. If you are alergic to cats then being around them can make you very ill,

I'm so glad that I'm strong-willed enough to not let my parents run my life for me.