To be devastated with mum's reaction/emotional blackmail which basically means my children can never have a pet?

[MrsPuddleduck]

Bascially, after a lot of thought we decided to get a kitten. My friend's cat has had kittens so we know the mother's temperament etc and both boys like cats. My Mum hates cats so I had put off telling her because I knew I would have a lecture.

Basically my Dad had a heart attack three years ago and a triple bypass three years ago. He is allergic to cats. My Mum says that if we get the cat they will have to seriously restrict the amount of times they come and the length of time they stay and how much help they can give us with the Dc's. They will not be able to stay overnight anymore (they live about 15 mins away but stay over about 4 times a year so they can both have a drink eg Christmas).

My parents are the only 'help' we get and I really don't want to upset them but on the other hand it basically means our children can never have a pet.

I feel really upset about the whole thing, especially as we had told Ds1 (4 and a half) that we were getting the kitten and he has named him George. I tried to suggest this morning that we may not be able to get the kitten after all and he started to get het up about it so I dropped the subject.

Can you please let me have your honest opinions. Sorry its a bit long.

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Everything has pretty much been said already.

However, i nyears to come when the children are older if you have the time to care for it how about a dog!

I have a bichon frise, (white fluffy, very good with children and more importantly non allergic. It is something to do with their fur, they don't shed and have to be scissor cut which means that they are a good breed for allergy sufferers. Your Dad may not be able to live permanently with a bichon, but the occasional stay 'should' be no problem.

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Doodle - how often do you need to change the bark at the bottom (and where do you put it?) - presumably the eglu stays in the same place?

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I'm allergic to cats and there is no way I could be in a house with one. I'm a mess within minutes of being around them (especially house cats) and after a about an hour literally can't breathe, can't see properly (eyes are swollen, running and blurry) and have come out in hives (which can last for DAYS after I've come into contact with cats)

If you dad is allergic like that, then he's not blackmailing you emotionally or any other way. He simply cannot be around cats.

that said, I'm not allergic to any other sort of animal but there again, I've not had a heart attack or surgery either and your mum and dad might not be willing to take the risk.

That's not to say you can't get a cat. Can't you go to their house instead?

Doodle - really - only three times a year? Don't they poop all over it?

Also if I let them out in the garden wont they wreck my flowers and poop all over the place?

reckon you're down to goldfish (surprisingly pleasant soothing etc) snakes, terrapins and so forth - or stick insects (v. cheap but not v. exciting, unless you like sticks)
corn snake, terrpin or a tortoise could be a good choice.

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Thanks for all the info Doodle - I will have a word with DH tonight (initial outlay is considerably more than a cat - but at least we'll never have to buy another egg!).

I think it is probably worth just getting an eglu.

BTW I would have to let them out, surely that's half the fun!

Will go and have a good look through the chicken section.

Thanks so much Doodle. Lose lose situation could just be saved into a win win situation. DS would much rather have a hen - I just didn't think it would be possible with our small garden.

MB we had to give up the rubber gear some years ago to be fair rubber suits have never looked good on me.

If you must have a pet (and why bother? It's bullshit that kids need to grow up around animals, they just get bored with them and it's extra work for you) then you really do need to check with your dad about what he's allergic to. I'm allergic to dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, rats and anything with fur. ANd I don't give a bollox if some or other smelly animal is supposed to be non-allergic, it will still make me sneeze, scratch and splutter.
Agree with whoever said stick insects, they are minimal work, breed loads so your DC can sell them to other kids at school and it's difficult to get attached to them so you don't get upset when they die.

Honest opinion - YABU. Our dc do not have pets. It is not every child's right to have a pet. You have to make the choice: kitten and less support from your parents, while also letting them know that your father's presence in your home is less welcome than the kitten's, or no kitten and getting continued support and good relationship with your parents.

sorry, disagree - pets are fantastic for children and children who don't have them grow up to be selfish. My children have a puppy, a cat, guinea pigs, rabbit, fish .... caring for a pet (and why would YOU have to clean it out - them them responsibility!!!) teaches them to think of others, about life and death, to be gentle and considerate. I could go on and on. Anyway, if its only cats your dad is allergic to, and not animal fur, you can house train rabbits - they poo in a cat litter tray and can run about the house quite happily. Lots of people do it. That would solve your problem of it being stuck in a hutch all day.

Oh come on londoner20 "children who don't have pets grow up to be selfish". What a silly assertion.

Children who grow up in isolation from the other human beings and their incessant differing needs and wants might grow up to be on average more selfish than others. But pets?

ps. just thought, if you think your parents are treating you like a child and are worried that your mum is doing her "no pets" thing like she did when you lived at home, then you really do need to stand up and say "this is my family, we are getting a pet, its a ... (such and such) therefore dad won't be allergic. Its our decision".

Pets ARE fantastic for children. I totally agree with that.

BUT - It's simply wrong to say that ALL children who grow up without pets are selfish (just as it would be wrong to say that all kids who have pets learn to appreciate animals etc)

AND - It's unreasonable to be 'devastated' that your parents can't / won't come to a house because of allergies.

Allergies can be (at best) very discomforting and (at worst) dangerous. The OP is posting about a grandad whose had a heart attack and surgery... Would be pretty irresponsible of him to put himself in an environment he KNEW would cause problems.

There are breeds of cat (and dog) which are meant to be Ok for those who are allergic to their hair. Obviously you'd have to pay more than you would to a friend whose cat has just had a litter, but it may be a way of getting round this problem.

I do think you need to stand up to your mum though. My mum thought that we shouldn't have a third child and made it very clear to us that she disapproved of us even thinking about it. If we'd listened to her, we wouldn't have DS3 now, who is an absolute delight (and is much loved by all his grandparents!).

anna8888, I think it really helps a child to be caring and responsible. When a child who has no pets of their own visits me you can really tell the difference, pulling the cats tail, chasing the dog everywhere, throwing stones at the guinea pigs. There are adults who are incredibly cruel to animals, teaching them at a young age doesn't seem wrong to me.

LOL @ loshad
not very interesting. Unless you like sticks