To be devastated with mum's reaction/emotional blackmail which basically means my children can never have a pet?

[MrsPuddleduck]

Bascially, after a lot of thought we decided to get a kitten. My friend's cat has had kittens so we know the mother's temperament etc and both boys like cats. My Mum hates cats so I had put off telling her because I knew I would have a lecture.

Basically my Dad had a heart attack three years ago and a triple bypass three years ago. He is allergic to cats. My Mum says that if we get the cat they will have to seriously restrict the amount of times they come and the length of time they stay and how much help they can give us with the Dc's. They will not be able to stay overnight anymore (they live about 15 mins away but stay over about 4 times a year so they can both have a drink eg Christmas).

My parents are the only 'help' we get and I really don't want to upset them but on the other hand it basically means our children can never have a pet.

I feel really upset about the whole thing, especially as we had told Ds1 (4 and a half) that we were getting the kitten and he has named him George. I tried to suggest this morning that we may not be able to get the kitten after all and he started to get het up about it so I dropped the subject.

Can you please let me have your honest opinions. Sorry its a bit long.

Oh sorry

You are being very unreasonable ...

i think the problem with allergies is that unless you have allergies people think you are making a bit of a fuss over nothing.
the "allergy" word does get over used which means that people who do have allergies are not taken seriously.
i have to carry am epi-pen at all times as i am allergic to to fur, dander, kiwi fruit and latex.
i think you are being very unreasonable to not have considered your dads health in all of this.

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IME hamsters are the least effort. We have them but also have rabbits, guinea pigs, and have had gerbils and rats. And giant snails, fish and cats. Hamsters win overall for being the easiest. Ok the snails are very easy too but hamsters are more cuddly.

Rabbit is most like a cat, in that he is house trained and likes to sit on laps and be cuddled, and he loves company. But he's needy. Emotionally high maintenance.

I am grateful for the brutal honesty - it is what I needed - I am feeling sorry for myself becuase I can't have a cat. I am pet obsessed (even though we don't have one) because I was never allowed one as a child (for obvious reasons), not even a caged or outdoor one.

I will bribe DS1 with something (he would rather have a rabbit or chickens - but we don't have room for the latter). Part of me was into getting the cat as I didn't really want a rabbit - it is just going to sit on its own in our garden (the lawned part of which is just big enough for the climbing frame) and I am going to have to clean it out every week.

I can't believe I have handled this so badly.

So a rubber bondage theme cat carrying a plate of kiwifruit would be a bad idea as a gift them OJ (goes back to the drawing board when thinking of an suitable Xmas gift for OJ)

People think that allergy = runny nose and a bit of sneezing. It isn't always as simple as that.

And putting the pet outside during the visit does fuck all IME. In fact being in a holiday cottage that allows pets is a nightmare

dd1 is allergic to cats. SGK has cats and dd1 doesnt go round much, as it sets her asthma off and eczema off. she spent two days there last week mainly in the garden with the other children, but has been tight chested and excema has flared up as well. its just not worth the risk for your dad tbh.

we have two guinea pigs and a rabbit, i do the general day to day care, dd1 strokes them and feeds them tit bits when they are out in their run. guinea pigs poop loads, but are better for the children to handle, my rabbit is a bit flighty still.

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I am constantly feeling guilty about our rabbit. be warned. When he lives outside he gets lonely - so we got him a guinea pig. Who had babies. He needs space so we made him a pen. He jumped out of the pen so we made a lid. He burrowed out (with the guinea pigs) so we made a base. Which they didn't like. Then they looked cold in winter so they all ended up in our living room. Which they loved but it was smelly and messy. Now they are outside again and sulking about it. It's a lot more work than you think, a rabbit.

IAteRose has some good advice. You could also turn things round so you visit your parents, they don't come to you.

FWIW dh has allergic asthma and reacts to fur, feathers, pollen, pretty much anything. We did have a cat after years of persuasion on my part and he became desensitised to her. BUT he still reacts to other animals - my sister's just got a dog and even with antihistamines he can't really spend long at her house. If he'd had a heart attack, I wouldn't even consider having a pet he was allergic to.

i wouldnt try a bathe a cat, surely thats asking for trouble lol.

i adore cats, and would love one or two. but just cant take the risk with dd1 allergies.

I have failed to realise how bad an allergy is. We don't know anyone with cats so I don't know how my dad is affected by them. My aunt has dogs and I know they make him sneeze.

I am not offended by KM (although I most certainly don't hate my father I love him dearly which is making me feel REAALLY guilty at the moment).

You have all helped me make the decision. DH's attitude was no help at all.

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On the point about house rabbits - I'm sure my dad would be allergic to them as well. It would have to be in the garden.

I can't face getting a rabbit.

YABU.

One of my good friends is allergic to dogs and if I bought one I'm sure he would read that as my saying, "I really don't care that you can't visit any more, Phil." Your kids will forget (sooner than you think) about the kitten whilst your mum and dad may be hurt (justifiably in my opinion) for a long time if you get a pet which could impact on your dad's health. Frankly, help with children is priceless and I would show your appreciation by switching track.

My DD1 loves dogs/cats as does DD2, but DD2 has respiratory problems, so having a furry animal living with us is a no no. We now have two goldfish and I must say that we really love them as pets.

Patsy

Problem solved!!

Doodle - I wouldn't need a silkie - DS would love the standard brown ones. DS2's childminder has them and he loves going to look at them.

I have looked into this a couple of months ago the only person I know with chickens is my childminder. She has an igloo (?) which she moves around her lawn as the grass dies. We have nowhere near enough lawn for that set up.