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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset our children are not invited

278 replies

droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 06:45

I am sure this subject has been done to death but my dh niece is having a meal for her 21st birthday.
They will be eating at 6 prompt as the 'youngsters' want to go into town for the rest of the eve.It is being held at a crap cheap Beefeater place.
We have no sitters that eve and my dh's sister and her husband (who are paying) have said 'they made the decision that it was an adult do and they dont want little ones running about - dont take it personally'
We are the only people invited with little ones.
The niece would like the children to be there.
AIBU to be really upset and cross that they have this attitude ? We are now uanble to go as have no sitters.

OP posts:
Original poster
droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 12:47

We left the dc's with a sitter last week for in-laws golden wedding party (big party at a hotel which started at 8pm).

We have no objections to leaving dc's with sitter where appropriate but honestly cannot understand why a 6pm family meal in a Beefeater is not suitable for children!
The place even has a play area ffs.

My gripe is all the family are invited except the children. imo they are family too and an appropriate occasion/venue so feel my s-i-l has another reason for excluding them.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 09/04/2008 12:48

book your own table and go then if its really bothering you that much

SoupDragon · 09/04/2008 12:51

"feel my s-i-l has another reason for excluding them."

No, she has excluded them because of age. If she had invited a host of other 2 and 6 year olds and left yours out, that would have been personal.

Original poster
droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 12:53

No, you are missing the point.

I am not bothered about going but am sad for my neice (who has said she would like a family meal before partying with her friends) that her cousins will not be there.

She told me at the last family do she would like to see her cousins at her birthday do.

I would like to avoid a family ding dong at all costs so we have now politely declined the invite. I will just harbour a grudge against my s-i-l and her husband from now on.

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2008 12:53

Perhaps you should feel flattered that they would prefer your company and undivided attention rather than having you distracted by the needs of your kids ?

Blandmum · 09/04/2008 12:53

Quite!

It is their party, not yours.

Should I be hurt because they haven't invited me?

Sometimes adults want adult only time. God alone knows I do, roll on next week when my kids go back to school.

Missing a (for them) dull supper isn't going to worry your kids at all. Your niece only has one 21st birthday

nailpolish · 09/04/2008 12:54

i dont mean to be hurtful, but do you really think your niece will be bothered about cousins not being there? she will just be thinking about going out and getting drunk with her mates...

KristinaM · 09/04/2008 12:54

we have lots of nieces and nephews who are in their 20s and lots of friends kids.We have been to many 18th and 21sts and our children have never been invited to any of them except one which was a buffet lunch in the parents house in the aftrenoon. the kids are never invited to the meal in a restaurant ones

We also don't have any babysitters so its a pain practically. But just seems the norm to us. i wouldn't be offended

Chequers · 09/04/2008 12:56

Message withdrawn

KristinaM · 09/04/2008 12:56

last 21st my Dh went alone. he HATES doing this but didnt want to miss out - it was his sisters DD. We didn't want them to be offended & appreciated the invite. Its not their fault we dont have any babysitters!

BecauseImWorthIt · 09/04/2008 13:02

I think YABveryU and not only that but you are depriving yourselves of an opportunity to see family who, presumably, you don't see that often.

All because you think you're being singled out.

You may not like them not inviting your children but it's their prerogative.
Can you really not see that other adults might not want to have children around?

Flum · 09/04/2008 13:04

YES YOU ARE

littlelapin · 09/04/2008 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 13:14

sorry, but my children like to see their family who usually include them in meal times so the children wouyld enjoy it.
My niece is a professional dancer and believe it or not does not drink. The whole family are health freak athletic types (nephew hoping for 2012 olimpics).
please dont assume all families get drunk at family meals as this one does not.
dh and I like an occasional tipple hence we go out without the dc's sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 13:15

meant Olympics

OP posts:
Twiglett · 09/04/2008 13:16

yes YABU

nailpolish · 09/04/2008 13:17

"sorry, but my children like to see their family who usually include them in meal times so the children wouyld enjoy it."

but the party is not for your children!!!

and i didnt assume all families get drunk at family do's

i just assumed she was a 'normal' 21 yr old. sorry i got it wrong

i think you need to chill and go along, cos as you said, you get on better with sil than dh does.

AbbeyA · 09/04/2008 13:18

I think the problem might be that although the venue and time are family friendly having 2 young children won't make it a very relaxed occasion for the adults. The 2 yr old and the 6 yr old are not going to want to sit still and join in adult conversation. You and your DH are going to have to amuse them, take them to the toilet etc.; added to that they will be tired so perhaps your SIL thinks that it would be better to have your undivided attention.

alicet · 09/04/2008 13:19

Sorry but YABU as it's there party and they can choose who they invite / don't invite.

If it's your dh's neice why doesn't he go on his own and you babysit?

lulumama · 09/04/2008 13:20

your SIL is excluding htem because she does not want young children there

end of

how you interpret that in your eyes, is your business

Troutpout · 09/04/2008 13:22

yabu

CountessDracula · 09/04/2008 13:23

get a babysitter!

Why on earth would you want to subject your dcs to a Beefeater anyway?

FluffyMummy123 · 09/04/2008 13:27

Message withdrawn

Youcannotbeserious · 09/04/2008 13:42

I agree with NailPolish.

Saveme · 09/04/2008 19:38

What's weird about your attitude DD, is that you seem to think that the suitability of the time/venue should automatically legitimise you bringing your children. They haven't not invited your kids because the venue is unsuitable, it's because they don't want them there.

Also, just because not everyone will be drinking doesn't automatically mean that it's a child-friendly event (and by child-friendly I mean that children are welcome, not that the venue is suitable for children).