Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset our children are not invited

278 replies

droopyoldbird · 09/04/2008 06:45

I am sure this subject has been done to death but my dh niece is having a meal for her 21st birthday.
They will be eating at 6 prompt as the 'youngsters' want to go into town for the rest of the eve.It is being held at a crap cheap Beefeater place.
We have no sitters that eve and my dh's sister and her husband (who are paying) have said 'they made the decision that it was an adult do and they dont want little ones running about - dont take it personally'
We are the only people invited with little ones.
The niece would like the children to be there.
AIBU to be really upset and cross that they have this attitude ? We are now uanble to go as have no sitters.

OP posts:
2GIRLS · 10/04/2008 10:56

That's just right elliott, the SIL must know what she's doing by doing this. If it were me, I'd know exactly what I was doing and why adn I know that some people probably do live in a bubble and are not aware of others' feelings ect, but I@m sure there's something else going on here.

Which is what DOB probably thinks too.

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 10:57

Ohh... gregg's sausage rolls........... I won't have a word said against them!!

I'm literally drooling now!!!

harpsichordcarrier · 10/04/2008 11:09

"And honestly, if you wanted a wedding in a nice venue are you really going to change it to a field just because some people find it inconvenient to find babysitters?

Odd"

why would it be odd to arrange a party to suit the guests
When I chose our wedding venue, the convenience and pleasure of the other people coming was pretty much the first priority.
just like, when you cook a meal, you try and cook something people would like?

anyway to the OP - YANBU. I think it is v weird to have a meal t 6pm at a Beefeater and not invite children = the place will be crawling with children.
and to have a family meal and exclude certain members of the family would seem very od to me too.
I think some of the attitudes on this thread are a little sad tbh. when I was 21 I loved to spend time with my nieces and nephews, and now my nieces and nephews like to spend time with my dcs. there is this unspoken assumption that chilren just get in the way of a good time. children are just people, and part of the family and part of a family celebration surely? and yes my children like spending time with their family - even the adults obviously there are times and places where children would not be welcomed or appropriate.
a beefeater at 6pm is not one of them

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 11:12

excellent post harpsi

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 11:14

I just never expect that an invite for me will always involved invites for DH and the kids, and vica versa. I go to works 'outings' and dh is never invited. He isn't offended, he is relived that he doesn't have to listen to a group of teachers wittering on about the new KS3 curriculum.

Similarly i don't expect to get invited to every works 'do' that dh has.

And the same is true for the kids parties.

My MIL was staying with us last week and we were invited to a farinds for supper. She didn't expect to be invited as well, but was pleased when she was.

I just don't 'get' how people can feel they have a right to dictate to other people who should be invited to a party!

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 11:17

Work dos are COMPLETELY different - you don't want your spouse around while you are getting drunk and sitting on the lap of that tasty chap from the accounts department

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 11:19

ahhhh, would that I have a tasty chap in finace......working in a school is low on the 'Hunk' scale

Chequers · 10/04/2008 11:19

Message withdrawn

Freckle · 10/04/2008 11:19

But, mb, this isn't a works do. It's isn't some random invitation by friends. It's a family celebration. Which is totally different.

If the SIL truly didn't want children there and wasn't following some other agenda, she would have booked the meal for a later time and at a venue which is not obviously catering for families with small children.

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 11:20

Chequers: yes that's it though isn't it, people just DON'T LIKE KIDS

that's what it comes down to

THAT'S what so crapola

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 11:21

(and it IS a particularly British kid-hating thing)

Saveme · 10/04/2008 11:21

"she would have booked the meal for a later time and at a venue which is not obviously catering for families with small children."

She can't book it at a later time - the others are going out on the town afterwards.

Chequers · 10/04/2008 11:22

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 11:23

Why? It is her money and her 'do'

She can do what she likes.

It isn't up to the people attending to dictate what happens and when, unless they are paying.

naturally the guests have every right to decided not to attend if it doesnt suit them.

If I had booked an Indian restaurant for my birthday party and I was paying the bill I would think people most odd if they said, 'Can't you book a French restaurant instead?' If they didn't want a curry, they would be free not to come.

Saveme · 10/04/2008 11:23

Oh, it's a British thing is it? Are we going to have big lecture about how on the continent children are invited to everything? Have you ever been to France? Have you noticed how all of the restaurants are full of little dogs but that doesn't happen over here? Does that make us a nation of dog-haters then?

Freckle · 10/04/2008 11:24

Assuming the younger ones don't intend finishing their evening at 10pm, there is plenty of time to have a meal start at 7.30 - 8 pm, and then go on to paint the town red. And why a Beefeater? If SIL doesn't want children around, she's going the wrong way about it. Or is it just DOB's children she doesn't want around?

Freckle · 10/04/2008 11:25

I don't think anyone's insisting on having any say in what the arrangements are. Just that DOB is perfectly justified in feeling upset.

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 11:25

You can't compare children with dogs

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 11:26

True, most kids don't lie in front of the fire and lick their balls.

Mind you some teenagers.....thread merging

Saveme · 10/04/2008 11:27

PMSL, I wasn't!

I'm just saying, different cultures have different levels of tolerance on certain things. Just because children tagging along everywhere is not necessarily the "done thing" doesn't mean that children are hated.

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 11:35

"You can't compare children with dogs"

Actually, MP - You can! And I do, quite regularly!!!!!

My dog is just as important to me as my DSDs (and my DSTB!!) and is always considered in family arrangements.

Obviously, I don't expect him (the dog) to be allowed into BeefEaters, but I think it's fair to say, DH wouldn't go into one anyway unless on pains of death!!

harpsichordcarrier · 10/04/2008 11:35

if you don't like kids then I don't want to come to your wedding anyway
my mate had a "no-kids" wedding (long story) and a special dog bed for their dog by the top table
I am not saying it is a particularly British thing. but it makes me faintly nauseous when people are so proud of not liking children. would I be upset if my SIL said "don't take it personally but I don't want my niece and nephew spoiling our evening"? yes I would.
just like I would be upset if my SIL said - I am inviting the whole family but please don't bring your nieces - I don't want disabled people there. or your mum - she is a bit old and funny looking and she is a bit messy when she eats"

Chequers · 10/04/2008 11:36

Message withdrawn

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 11:37

Hey, Harpsi!

Do you know my mum??? She is a bit old and funny looking!!

Anna8888 · 10/04/2008 11:38

It's certainly not a British thing.

Children here in France get "excluded" (ie not invited) to many, many things.

Most of my partner's friends and family think we are extraordinarily lax parents for letting our children even appear when friends come round for dinner.

We were invited to lunch the other day and the children ate in the kitchen and were not allowed to make a squeak while the adults ate in the dining room. This is pretty common.