DH grumpy all weekend if I don't give him sex

[maggh]

There's a clear correlation.

He expects it every Friday night basically.

If I don't want to or say no, he's super grumpy all weekend. He doesn't talk much, moaps around, doesn't want to do anything, criticises stuff I've left undone at home. Just bad vibes all round.

I honestly wouldn't care if I never had sex again.

I only do it to avoid the moods, never because I want to.

Sometimes I say no, I'm tried or whatever and he just says he hates his life.

He also smokes and says if I ' gave him more sex ' he'd quit.

We have two kids under 5.

I'm feeling very resentful.

There’s only one place to go next with a marriage like this that you both don’t want to leave, and that’s counselling. You need a mediator to help you discuss both of your needs, neither of which are being met. Just gently suggest that there are barriers between us that are affecting both of us’ happiness and can we try some counselling, which may lead to a way forward x

She has said he is refusing counselling and that she has asked him for it.

Butni agree with you. There’s more to this than sex. The focus is on the sex but that’s not the root of the issue. I imagine there is a lot more at play, due to unbalanced in the general housekeeping/parental roles for example.

That is beyond fucking crazy! You won't have sex because if you enjoy it, he's won??

Are you really prepared to live the rest of your days being this miserable together?

Neither of you seem to enjoy each other's company and it seems as though neither of you have had any serious conversations either,you just got married and had kids because it was expected rather than wanted. Now you're both unhappy. Yikes!

Didn't read the post, just the title. Give no sex during the week either. Free yourself from the man child sex pest. He doesn't love or respect you.

You make it sound like a chore. Sex should be exciting and pleasurable with all your senses tingling, a rush of love and ecstasy when you orgasm. He should make you feel like a queen, a goddess even!

If these things don't happen then it isn't the sex, it how you feel about him/and/or how he performs. Sex isn't about piv. It should be something you give or relinquish to him. You're doing it wrong if that is so.

Maybe you need some counselling yourself first OP? And then if that is going well, couples counselling.

We have two under 5 and I wouldn’t be happy if DH decided I was going to be celibate forever if that’s what staying married to me meant

This is such an unfair comment, show me any woman who wants to have sex with a man who puts zero effort in, and sees it as a duty his wife must perform for him on demand. HE is the one destroying her sex drive, along with two under 5s. She’s still having sex with him, but he has no one to blame but himself for this situation. Men don’t get to demand that their sex life never changes but they can stop putting in any effort whatsoever. Even the language in theOPs post “give him sex”, he doesn’t see it as something she should enjoy, just a duty she must perform.

She said it’s not something she wants to enjoy and she doesn’t want him to win if she does.

Exactly this. He sounds like a proper repugnant pig! I'd been putting measures into place to leave him to be honest with you. How vile and hideous and off-putting having a husband who just want to jump you and shoot his load into you (and doesn't give a fuck what you think about it.) He is basically just using you as a sex toy.

Who would stay married to someone like this. You have my pity OP. A few women on here are excusing this individual's behaviour. Imagine having your bar set THAT low?!

Then if he knows you don’t want sex and still expects it, he is abusing you. Either way the mismatched sex drives is making you both unhappy. If you don’t see it changing, you really do need to consider staying married.

I know if this story was the other way round where the guy didn’t give the woman sex, the guy would be the worst husband in the world for not satisfying his wife and would be told to bugger off as a selfish person . And that the women deserves to feel loved and wanted , not rejected when it comes to sex . But when it’s a man who’s not getting it and wanting it , he’s raping .

They are fundamentally incompatible. OP doesn’t really want sex with anyone; this situation isn’t unique to her husband. They have different sex drives and put a wedge in their relationship. They need to split or have an open relationship because she cannot decide he doesn’t get sex anymore.

You won't be responsible for leaving???!!!!!

Why? You are responsible for your own life. Take charge of the situation...... why wouldn't you?

I don't care what others say, based on the OP alone, your husband is raping you.

No it's. No buts.

It's coercive and emotionally manipulated sex to avoid punishment, his punishment is being moody like a child.

DO NOT TOLERATE THIS LEAVE ASAP

I don’t agree that this is just ‘Oh she doesn’t want sex ever again’. Someone with small children, settling hormones, who is exhausted, typically doesn’t want sex. Saying ‘it’s just mismatched sex drives’ is dismissing the underlying issues. The fact that OP won’t allow herself to enjoy sex because she feels as though her husband will ‘win’ suggests there is so much more going on here.

This is about mismatched sex drives. It runs much, much deeper.

Is the woman in your scenario punishing the man in petty and childish ways in an attempt to make.sure the man doesn't do it again?

Because that's what OPs husband is doing.
He's creating an atmosphere as a punishment as a way to ensure OP thinks twice about saying no to him.

@MateyMusings but that's exactly it isn't it.

How fucking dare he only be nice to me if he gets his ' conjugals '.

What the fuck am I to him ? Some hole ?

He should be nice to me regardless and treat me like a man who loves his wife. He does not treat me kindly. He doesn't even listen to me when I speak.

Okay, this absolutely isn’t what I meant. I don’t think you should give a man sex just because they want sex at all. I actually think the way men seem to think they’re entitled to sex, the ways in which they sometimes go about getting sex and will sometimes just take sex (by raping other men, women and children) is disgusting.

My point is that this whole scenario isn’t about sex at all, but both parties are using sex as the issue when there is clearly a lot more happening.

in my opinion the solution is simple , OP tells her husband it’s OVER and get him to move out , give him 2 weeks . Get divorce papers together and he won’t have a choice . This is not love , this is hating each other for not getting their own ways . Not a way to live a life . If he won’t move , she can move herself out of this situation , I know it’s hard to do but better than staying with someone you hate so much to have any sexual contact with forever . OP needs to make this official to him , no more sex and we are over . Or she can say , no more sex , but you can stay married to me if you want , but you have to accept no sex from me . Then it’s up to him what he decides to do .

He's not kind. He doesn't even do basic kindness.

Morning honey, how are you ? Are you alright ?

Gets met with basically no comment. He's just constantly sat there ignoring me and hating his life.

Well fuck off then if we make you so unhappy.

I know the kids are hard work ( most of which I do on my own anyway ).

I'm always nice to him, kind to him, looking out for him / making sure he's fed and watered.

He just fucking expects some house hold appliance that does 100 percent house work, feeds him at the weekend too, constantly cleaning up his shit PLUS pulls in a nice BIG paycheque too. He can't even put his fucking laundry in the basket. It's beyond a joke. He has breakfast, leaves EVERYTHING out. Milk, corn flakes, cups, plates etc and just walks off upstairs to spend 30 minutes stinking out our en suite. Doesn't even have the mind to perhaps close the fucking door when he's done, so it doesn't stink out our bedroom too.

It's not even that, it's the constant face on him, I cannot stand. The constant sighing, the constant sounds of ' fuck sake ' cos he can't find something in his own house. The constant blame he puts on me for everything. I could go on.

I want a get up and go kind of person by my side. Someone who brings the better things out in me, someone who inspires me to do new things. Someone who doesn't laugh at me when I suggest a trip out to the beach on a Sunday morning on a whim ( we only live 45 minutes from a beach ). Not someone I have to baby sit and tip toe around.

That is pretty fucked up?
Do you hate him?