When's right for family to visit newborn?

[York12345]

Hi all,

Got a bit of a family friction going on over when my parents (I am Dad) will meet our first baby. Would be grateful for your perspectives to gauge whether partner and I are being unreasonable.

Our beautiful baby girl was born 2 days ago. We've been quite keen to have just us 3 in a newborn bubble for a few days from birth to enjoy each other and recover physically + emotionally. Part of the reason for this is that we've had several miscarriages so savouring these few days by ourselves is valuable to us.

Unfortunately, my parents cannot understand this and we've fallen out because we think asking for space and a little time to ourselves is reasonable but they think they should be able to visit baby v. soon after birth. We've invited them tomorrow so they'll meet her when she's 3 days old. No other family or friends have met her. It will be their first grandchild and they live 20min drive away.

I can appreciate their perspective, but really struggling with how I feel they're putting themselves first. I feel like if there's a time to be selfish, it's in the immediate period after having your first child, but maybe my wife and I are taking that too far. All other friends and family have been so happy for us, so this contrast from my parents is difficult to take.

I know there's no right answer to this, but I'm keen to gauge if we need to adjust our perspective.

Thank you for your thoughts!

we can't be living in the same "real world", I don't know any grand-parent who was straight to the delivery room

And yet almost every one of my friends and family have done this and most of my friends ( in our 50s) have been at the births of our maternal grandchildren…..so maybe you live in a different world to me🤷‍♀️🙄

Im the opposite- I don’t know anyone who’s parent was in the delivery room & it was quite frustrating on the ward when large families turned up and stayed for hours taking over all the limited space!

All these people taking the piss about baby bubbles and not wanting visitors immediately, or saying ‘Ooh, my entire family and the whole neighbourhood came to see me, bleeding, in pain, I somehow managed.’ Well, aren’t you all amazing?! It’s entirely up to the new parents, it doesn’t matter what your story was like, this is theirs and only what they want counts. Big sympathy to those whose partner/family didn’t give you a choice, way to ruin your relationship.

Don't know if it's regional but none of my peers had our mothers in the delivery room. Everyone I know just had their partner or did it alone.

You are absolutely NBU. Your parents are BVU, not to mention insensitive. Enjoy your lovely new D in peace and lovely bubble. 3 days old is fine, it has to be on you and your DP's terms. Congratulations on your little girl.

Well yes maybe we do live in a different world. Many grandma’s are at the birth too, my mum was my first, and my friend also had her mum there. My in-laws were at the hospital the next day to drive us home with ds2 and they were there within 2hrs of DD, again to escort us home and see their new grandchild. They brought DP’s brother and sister in law with DD and then they all came back to our small house and we ordered pizza. Not ideal and I was glad when they went but I understood they were excited to see the baby and then it meant they didn’t come again for a week or so. My family were 250 miles away by the time I had DS2 and DD otherwise they’d have come to the hospital. I didn’t mind my family soaking up in the joy of a new arrival, but if my own kids want me to wait a week I’d respect that of course. An hour visit doesn’t hurt and keeps everyone happy.

An hour visit doesn’t hurt and keeps everyone happy

Everyone except the person who gave birth and doesn't want visitors.

Pretty much my experience too. Family were welcome to visit in the hospital. With first I was stuck in for 3 days so welcomed it. For second I was home after a day.

OP YANBU. It is just a couple of days and you know your family AND what you and your partner can handle right now.

Everyone is different, has had different pregnancy and childbirth experiences etc.

Worth a read

“New Born baby bubble” … brought to you by the same people who have a grabby “baby shower” and a self-indulgent “gender (sex) reveal”

It’s tiresome

you mean the only self-indulgent people here are the ones who claim it's their right to see a newborn baby, without any thought or respect for the woman who had just given birth?

What a sweeping assumption. Laughable.

Two baby bubbles here. Although, we didn't call them baby bubbles. I didn't have a baby shower or a sex reveal for either baby, what I did have was years of infertility, one traumatic labour (resulting in a large grade tear, and a post-partum haemorrhage) and a C-section (along with another haemorrhage). Nothing grabby. I wanted peace to recover and time to bond with my babies, and establish breastfeeding.

Do you not see anything grabby about anyone demanding to meet my baby in those circumstances though?